To ask DPs parents to release his funds?

[melibu84]

My partner and I are desperately trying to move, but have had issues with referencing twice, with lettings agents.

On a normal year, our annual income is £45k, more than enough to rent a 2 or 3 bed place in kent.

Currently, I am on maternity leave and my partner is still on probation at his new job. His annual salary is £20k.

The first time we saw a place we liked, the lettings agency said we would need a guarantor because he is on probation OR pay 6 months rent in advance.

My partner has the rent money, but it is being held by his parents. It is part of an inheritance he received. His dad refused to give him the money.

The same thing is happening again with another place that we both love. It's close to a train station, so I can commute to London, close to his family and friends in kent, even includes access to a gym.

We can't stay where we are. I was renting a 2 bed flat with my sister and it's getting a bit cramped (3 adults, 1 baby, 2 cats!). Plus, my mum will be moving in with my sister. She is undergoing dialysis, and is very ill, and the flat is better for her than where she is currently living, as there are no stairs and there is lift access.

AIBU to tell him and his parents that this is not a one off situation, that if we want to move we will need them to front the 6 months rent? We can pay back into it easily. I'm worried that this will keep happening and it will take ages to move!

OP what age are you and dp? Any plans of marriage.
There's a reason they're not releasing the money. Money is hard to come by and once it's gone it's gone.
The parents obviously feel they're doing the right thing.

Do you even need to declare that you're on maternity leave when working out the monthly incomings/outgoings? Surely you are still employed by X company on an annual salary of £25k so couldnt you just use your normal monthly figures?

Sorry OP but I think you are being duped or played or something .Where did your partner live before he moved in with you and your sister and how long have you actually been a couple ? He's either telling you lies or he is very immature and I'm not sure which is worse in your situation.

Aahh I forgot about providing bank statements so that prob wouldn't work, gah!

I am sorry melibu but pps may be right. Why would your DP leave you all squashed into one overly small space, even with fully well people, if there were funds available to prevent it?

I'm with his parents, unfortunately. This sucks for you, but they will thinking of him.

He's 27 years old, and he has a partner and a baby. He cannot hold down a job. He has already borrowed £3k out of his inheritance for random life costs, and he himself has acknowledged that if the £17k remains accessible to him, he'll just splurge it. He asked his parents to safeguard it to make sure that didn't happen.

So, he's 27 and in a new job. His new job is inconvenient, the commute is too long, and he's in a probation period. You are on maternity leave. You're on a better salary than him. It doesn't sound like he's done much saving to support you through? And now he's essentially relying on you going back to work so that you can both afford to move and reduce his commute, despite his history of failing to hold down a job.

If he uses just under £6k for this, plus the £3k that he's used already, he'll have spent a third of his inheritance on housing. He'll have a third less to put towards a deposit or something meaningful. It's fine to say that you intend to pay rent as normal, and would pay it back, but it seems DP's parents have reason to believe that won't happen. Perhaps he's made a similar agreement before and not stuck to it.

He lost the ability to spend the money when he gave it to his parents and asked them to look after it, and now he's trying to spend it again. They'd be failing their agreed duty with him if they allowed him to touch it again!

I'm surprised that he's changed his mind, but not overly so. I think he knew his parents would disagree that this was sensible, and only really asked them so that he could say that he'd exhausted that option and together you'd need to find another way.

What happens if he loses the job just after you've moved? The standard affordibility calculator for £25k is £800 - this property would be deemed unaffordable for you if he wasn't working. Would you then have to support him and pay all the rent and bills? Is the master plan that if he loses his job again, he'll live off the inheritance?

He sounds like he has some growing up to do, and unfortunately he hasn't done it before he met you and started a family, so you're going to go on the rough ride too. I'd start behaving as if the inheritance didn't exist, and just accept that it'll likely form a good chunk of a house deposit.

DP is 27, I am 32. no plans of marriage, although we have talked about it.

I don't think marriage is that important anyway, so I fail to see how that is relevant. My BF and her DP have been together for 14 years, longer than some people I've known who have met, married and divorced in the same amount of time, if not less!

DS was totally unexpected, which is why we have a unsettled living situation.

Lettings agents now want to see payslips and / or bank statements, so they will see I am not currently earning my annual salary. They also will probably want landlord references, work references, your bra size. . . it's ridiculous how much information you need to hand over now!

We have been together for nearly 2 years. Prior to this, he has been living with his parents, he has been living with them since university. Until recently, he was on a very low paid wage and didn't want to waste money on rent, which makes sense. He moved in with us in April. My due date was June, and we wanted to be together so that he could be here to drive me to the hospital if I went into labour. At the moment, he and my sister split the rent between them (520 each), while I pay all the bills.

The problem now is he's saying he doesn't want to ask them. I will accept that, i just think it's going to make it really difficult, if not impossible, for us to find a place now. And we've now lost out on two places that I really liked.

I'd agree with much of that Anchor but then you included

He lost the ability to spend the money when he gave it to his parents and asked them to look after it, and now he's trying to spend it again. They'd be failing their agreed duty with him if they allowed him to touch it again!

Basically you are saying that it is fine for parents to steal their kids money!

He is 27... if he has already spent it, which is sounding more likely, then OP has every right to know, so she can plan her own future with all the relevant information.

It would be unlikely that the PIL have transferred the inheritance money into their own account. I can see that they might have been entrusted with the bank book, card and details.
I think he's spent the lot and is afraid his parents might find out.

Basically you are saying that it is fine for parents to steal their kids money!

Oooh no I didn't mean that - just that if he's said, keep this for a deposit and don't let me spend it on anything else, then they are following his instructions. But you're right, it's his money, he should be able to access it.

He is 27... if he has already spent it, which is sounding more likely, then OP has every right to know, so she can plan her own future with all the relevant information.

Totally agree with that, too. It does seem he's spent it, or at least a lot more of it than OP knows - maybe this would empty the fund, or there isn't enough to cover it.

He seems so immature for a 27-year-old with a child. (I say that as a 26-year-old without children!)

He can hold down a job , though. The one prior to that, he worked there for 2 years. He quit because he found a better one, the same one he, through his own damn fault, lost.

So what do you suggest we do? He works in Canterbury, I work in London. Based on where we were going to live, the rent would be £875, the travel to work for me would be £400. We could move further out, but then the rent would probably drop to £750 but my travel would probably increase to £500, and it will take me over 2 hours to get to work, which is just ridiculous. On the other hand, for him, both his rent and his travel will go down because he won't be driving 300 miles a week (from London zone 5 to Canterbury). Moving doesn't make sense for me, but for him, it does, and that will help with out joint income.

And then I keep thinking of the childcare as well. As we're moving to a completely different area, we can't sort it out until we've moved. If we have a problem moving, I can't sort out childcare, which means I have to delay my return to work which I do not want to do as my savings will run out and then he will need to take money out of his saving anyway!

Aah, so frustrated by this whole stupid goddam situation!

I agree with his parents.. He gave his dad the money because he knew his dad would keep it safe. His dad is doing just that. Given what you have said about his spendthrift tendencies I would have serious doubts that it would all get paid back - sundry expenses always crop up especially with a new baby and a person would have to exceptionally financially disciplined to go without other things in order to pay the full amount back month after month.

I think until your partner has worked out his probationary period and together you have reached a more stable financial position you are just going to have to bite the bullet on this one. It will be hard right now but I hope in the end you will be grateful to FIL for protecting this lump sum.

OP I would talk to your DH again
My concern is the legal position
If he voluntarily signed that money into their bank account, then does he have proof it's there? What if they invest it in something, which they might do wth good intentions, and then he needs it urgently?
I don't think anyone should have cntrol of money belonging to someone his age, he should have it.

He's 27 and financially immature, he agrees his parents know him best and are holding the money for him until the parents agree on the purchase.
If the relationship fails they may not want you to have access to half the inheritance.

What about renting privately and not through an agent? Is there a FE College or University close to you - go check out their public noticeboards and see if there is a flat. You'd usually just have to pay deposit and then pay each month.

OP, I have read the whole thread. I said that 20 K that your DP earns would not go far and although you plan to return to work your 25 K will have mostly been eaten up with the added cost of childcare and everything else.
Have you done a spread sheet and properly examined your finances.?
Would it not make more sense for DP to get a job in say Medway? I would also consider looking for work closer to home in the near future.

300 miles is not a long commute

Oldraver Really? Using Oxford as middling ish of UK that would mean 150miles each way working in Calais, Guernsey, almost Plymouth, Cardigan, Leeds....

And then I realised that OP had said per week ... so I stood down the maps, called back my surprise.

As you were folks, nothing to see here

Why do you need six months rent upfront? I rented for 12 years before we bought and the deal was always a deposit and 2 months rent up front maximum. Why don't you go with a private landlord rather than an agency?

*SquakFish

We're moving from London zone 5 to Kent, so I don't think the college near me will have anything for the area we want. I've tried looking online previously, but no luck at the moment.

user1475440127

Of course we have done our finances. That's part of the reason why we're moving. Full time childcare where I live at the moment is £1k a month. Medway looks to be about £700 a month. That is actually where we're planning to move as they have relatively fast trains into London.

It doesn't matter where we live for me, finance-wise, as if rent goes down, travel goes up. However, DPs rent and travel will go down from £520 and £280.

If his parents help like they have offered, we could be down to £400 a month on childcare

I've been paying rent and bills for 15 years so I'm well aware of what we can expect to pay towards everything. Medway has a lower council tax band to where I am, so ctax will be about the same if not less. They have older houses, so gas and elc will be more, but the last place I lived was a drafty victorian house so I know how expensive that can get. However, if we had gotten the flat I wanted, this wouldn't matter as it's a brand new building.

I love my job and the company I'm working for, and there is real career progression, so i am not moving jobs. My partner does not want to leave another job so quickly, and he's really enjoying being there. We already discussed him changing jobs, and he was willing to do it, but I told him that if he loves it there, he should stay and we'll try to make it work.

bumplovin

Partner's in a new job, so still on probation, and I'm on maternity leave. It's either 6 or 12 months upfront, or a guarantor.

Guarantor needs to be earning 31.5k and have a clean credit history. I know plenty of people with clean histories, but no one earning 31.5k. I also really don't want to ask cos it is a big thing to ask for.

tbh I don't think it would be sensible to use his inheritance in this way. Everything is too precarious. Does your DM need to move in with your DSIS? This seems to be one of the factors that is pushing you to move now and it may be that your DP's parents think that isn't necessary. Either because your DM could continue to stay with your aunt or because they think your DM could rent somewhere. Would it be possible for your DM to rent? Could she subsidise you instead of DP's parents? Could you rent with your DM?

APlaceOnTheCouch

My mum is just one of the reasons.

In a 2 bed flat, we have my sister, myself, my partner, our 3 month old son and 2 cats. It is getting cramped and comfortable. Plus, my partner is driving 300 miles per week just get to work. He is leaving the house at 7am and getting in at half 7pm. He's driving nearly 2 hours each way.

My mum is living with sister. She doesn't HAVE to move but the flat would be better for her as she has limited mobility. Plus, she will help my sister with the rent so my sister can continue to live here with the two cats, and she likes the area we live in. My mum does not have any assets, only pensions, so she either lives with my aunt, rents with my sister, or rents a room in some random house, which is obviously not the best idea for a 64 year old woman who's had two strokes and is currently on dialysis 3 times a week.

melibu I read all your reasons for wanting to move. The point I was making was that perhaps your DP's family think all of those reasons existed before (and you didn't move) and the motivating factor for moving just now is your DM.

We always intended to move, staying with my sister was just a temporary solution so he could be with me towards the later stage of my pregnancy, and to be as involved with DS as possible.

I sincerely doubt anyone would think that 3 adults and a baby in a 2 bed flat is a permanent solution.