To ask DPs parents to release his funds?

[melibu84]

My partner and I are desperately trying to move, but have had issues with referencing twice, with lettings agents.

On a normal year, our annual income is £45k, more than enough to rent a 2 or 3 bed place in kent.

Currently, I am on maternity leave and my partner is still on probation at his new job. His annual salary is £20k.

The first time we saw a place we liked, the lettings agency said we would need a guarantor because he is on probation OR pay 6 months rent in advance.

My partner has the rent money, but it is being held by his parents. It is part of an inheritance he received. His dad refused to give him the money.

The same thing is happening again with another place that we both love. It's close to a train station, so I can commute to London, close to his family and friends in kent, even includes access to a gym.

We can't stay where we are. I was renting a 2 bed flat with my sister and it's getting a bit cramped (3 adults, 1 baby, 2 cats!). Plus, my mum will be moving in with my sister. She is undergoing dialysis, and is very ill, and the flat is better for her than where she is currently living, as there are no stairs and there is lift access.

AIBU to tell him and his parents that this is not a one off situation, that if we want to move we will need them to front the 6 months rent? We can pay back into it easily. I'm worried that this will keep happening and it will take ages to move!

This is very odd. Your DH is an adult and old enough himself to decide. I'd be really pissed off if the situation is exactly as you describe. If your DH chosen to go out and piss the whole lot up the wall, that isn't any of your ILs business.

Can you get legal help? If this was left to him in a Will and he hasn't been given it, surely there is something in law that means they would have to hand it over. He isn't 10 waiting for pocket money to be handed out fgs.

Sheldon i did answer that. Funny how you missed it but only picked up on the spendaholic portion.

"It was from his grandmother, who died when he was a kid. It was being held in a trust until recently, and then because we had DS, he asked for it to be released. We were hoping to buy, but my credit rating needs some work, so now we're planning to do it in 2- 3 years. As he is a bit of a spendaholic, he asked his dad to hold onto it for now so he woudn't spend it."

His parents know that we really want and need to move, for the reasons I stated before, and also because he is travelling 300 miles per week just to get to and from work.

You are an adult couple, with a baby and need somewhere to live. It is your partners money and if he wanted to spend it on X-boxes and motorbikes it's none of his parents business.
I reckon it's been spent

If your DH is so bad with money are you sure he hasn't already had it off his dad and spent it and is merely telling you his dad wont give it him

Your partner has put his parents in a shit position. He has asked them to hold the money and be firm with him and for them to judge when to release. now they are essentially doing as asked they are wrong. I would not want to be in their position.

I think his dad thinks he is helping us by holding onto the money so we can use it to buy. He hasn't rented in over 30 years, so he probably doesn't realise how difficult it can be if your application is not perfect. He is a lovely man, so I am not annoyed at him, and I would certainly not go down the legal route. I just wanted some advice before I talked to DP, as I am the one in touch with the lettings people. He doesn't know what they've said yet.

You said he asked for it to be released because you'd had a child, not that it has legally come to the end of the terms/conditions of the trust.

Surely the logically think would be for your Dp to buy on his own.

Just came on to comment, and saw that Bahhhhhumbug had said what I was thinking.
Is this all a delaying tactic on the part of DH?
Have you actually been involved in discussions with his parents, or is this just what he's told you?

Why is your credit rating 'shot'?

What dubious financial decisions have you made for this to happen? Are you bankrupt or have you been?

May be the combination of a spendaholic and a bankrupt (not saying you are) is very worrying for your dh's elderly and sick parents. No wonder they want to safeguard your dh's inheritance

Bahhhhhumbug speaks for me too I'm afraid OP.

And if your dh is so bad with money that he asked his father to look after his inheritance it's pretty phenomenal his credit is so flawless; and vice versa if in fact he's good with money it's odd he'd leave it in his father's charge.

user we have the rent deposit. We don't have 6 months rent.

I am on maternity leave, currently earning SMP so that amount I can save is limited. As long as we stay with my sister, we're paying rent and bills here.

BaronessThat was the original plan, until we found out we couldn't buy because of my rating. My partner does not earn enough to get a mortgage on his own.

elodie The money would be going straight to the lettings agency

Sheldon he had to apply to have it released, and they had to know it was for a good reason. The reason at the time was a deposit on a house. No one had access to it until it was released.

AndNowItsSeven My post said my partner earns £20k. Who can buy on £20k?

My DP is very honest with me and transparent about money, as are his parents. I have not been privy to every single conversation.

Really sorry if some of you have such terrible relationships that you have to automatically jump to the conclusion that he is hiding something from me. He is always saying he can't wait for us to be a proper family and live together.

Fair enough melibu, it's just so odd they won't give it to you! If they're pleasant and intelligent and understand that it is literally an upfront payment for 6 months rent, so in 6 months it will be replaced, why on earth would they not release it?? Any clues?

Can the two of you calmly sit down with his father and clearly explain the issue? Do you have any proof of failure of referencing to show him? Or an email/letter from the letting agency? I would also show you've set up a savings account/isa to dd the £875 to dd monthly locked for at least 6 months. The other argument to throw at him is the waste of money on petrol and your dps increase of accident because he's travelling so far.

eatsleephockeyrepeat i think it's because the lettings agent will delay referencing until the 6 months is over. His dad is then saying that if he then loses his job, we won't pass referencing and will have to do it all again. However, at that point I will be working and I earn enough to pay all of the rent on my own. And I don't think DP will have any problems with work anyway. He likes it there and seems to be doing really well.

Mummyoflittledragon

I'm going to ask DP if he can stop by there on the way home, as he drives past the area on his way home. It's a bit more of a mission for me as I am not a driver, and the train ticket to their place will cost £20.

We can show his parents the emails I have received.

The cost of petrol is insane, he's spending £280 a month just to get to work :(

Is there an option to move in with the IL, I know it is not ideal but you can save and after about 4 weeks of baby I am sure the funds will get released!

To be honest, I can imagine DP's parents doing this... they'd see us failing the affordability checks as being a sign we should find somewhere cheaper, and if DP asked him to hold on to money so he couldn't spend it, he'd take that as gospel and assess anything we asked him to release the money for. Your DP has asked him to hold that position - to gatekeep the money and make sure that it's spent wisely. His parents clearly think this isn't wise.

It's also possible that if the conversation between DP and his dad aimed at something specific - can you hold this money so that I don't spend it because we want to use it as a deposit in three years, etc - his dad has either invested it or put it in an ISA to gain more funds.

You need to talk to DP and then DP needs to talk to his dad, calmly, to assess why his dad feels that this a bad financial decision and won't release the money. In most cases that would be unnecessary, because it'd be you and your DPs decision, but in this case he explicitly asked his parents to be involved and vet his financial choices.

If that money is inaccessible, whats the plan?

i think it's because the lettings agent will delay referencing until the 6 months is over

Does your dh work in an industry with high staff turnover then, or is this a complete change of career for example? I suppose that makes sense if his parents have a real reason to worry he might not keep his job. I've only ever known the "probationary period" to be almost a formality, although employers would have you think differently I'm sure.

If there's no reason to worry he'll be jobless I think they're over thinking this. Is there a back up plan if they refuse? Would you fight them over it (legally)? Could your dh take out a loan for the amount? It's a more expensive option but his credit sounds up to it.

mydietstartsmonday unfortunately, no. They live in a 2 bed house at the moment, and there isn't space in DPs old room for DSs cot.

AnchorDownDeepBreath our budget is 900 a month, which is pretty standard for 2 / 3 bed places in Kent. We can afford it per month, even with me only on SMP as I have a little bit of money saved. Paying less would not necessarily help, as it would mean moving further out to Kent, but my travel to London would go up anyway, and it would take me over 2 hours to get to work.

eatsleephockeyrepeat I think they're worried cos he was fired from his last job for giving his password to someone else. His password was for an IT admin account cos he worked for their IT support team. Before that, though, he was with the same company for 2 years, and that was a job he left, not fired from, so he is capable of holding down a job.

Then your DH needs to have another conversation with his dad:

Thanks for holding it dad, but I want it all, now! It is mine, I am an adult and, whilst I am grateful for your thoughtfulness this is my decision to make, not yours. Here are the bank details, pay it in today.

If the money is inaccessible, we will need to stay where we are until I go back to work. I don't think there will be a point in continuing to look.

We would need childcare for at least a couple of days a week, though, so I would rather we move now so we have time to organise a CM. (DPs parents have offered to do some childcare for us).

Ah okay, that makes more sense then mel. I'm sure they think that means they're doing something sensible as his parents, but actually it sounds a bit like they're trying to make sure he learns his lessons and feels the "consequences of his actions" - my dad's a bit like this, I want to scream "I'm an adult now, dad, I don't need you to teach me what happens when you mess up; LIFE is teaching me that!!".

Do you think they'll change their position?

I honestly don't know. If DP gets his stubbornness from his dad, probably not :(

If they don't we're in a catch-22 situation. I can't go back to work until we get childcare, but we can't sort out childcare until we move as we're going to a completely different area, but we can't move until I go back to work. I have to laugh or I might cry a little :)

I have now text DP (I'd rather talk to him, but he can't take phone calls at work), and he's said he'll stop by his parents tonight and talk to his dad cos what I said make sense.

If the money was held in trust and only released because it was intended to be used to buy a house then is your dp definitely entitled to it before the original time/conditions on the trust are met, given that it will not now be used as a deposit on a house purchase?

I see what you're saying with it being your dp's inheritance, but if he wouldn't normally be entitled to it yet depending on the trust conditions and was only going to receive it ahead of time in order to purchase a property then I can see where his parents are coming from with not releasing it for any other purpose.