To ask DPs parents to release his funds?

[melibu84]

My partner and I are desperately trying to move, but have had issues with referencing twice, with lettings agents.

On a normal year, our annual income is £45k, more than enough to rent a 2 or 3 bed place in kent.

Currently, I am on maternity leave and my partner is still on probation at his new job. His annual salary is £20k.

The first time we saw a place we liked, the lettings agency said we would need a guarantor because he is on probation OR pay 6 months rent in advance.

My partner has the rent money, but it is being held by his parents. It is part of an inheritance he received. His dad refused to give him the money.

The same thing is happening again with another place that we both love. It's close to a train station, so I can commute to London, close to his family and friends in kent, even includes access to a gym.

We can't stay where we are. I was renting a 2 bed flat with my sister and it's getting a bit cramped (3 adults, 1 baby, 2 cats!). Plus, my mum will be moving in with my sister. She is undergoing dialysis, and is very ill, and the flat is better for her than where she is currently living, as there are no stairs and there is lift access.

AIBU to tell him and his parents that this is not a one off situation, that if we want to move we will need them to front the 6 months rent? We can pay back into it easily. I'm worried that this will keep happening and it will take ages to move!

He is a spendaholic and you need to improve your credit rating.
Is the latter due to bad history, or having not just built enough up yet?

I think his Dad is right to hold onto the money until his son is ready to buy a house. How long have you been together? maybe he thinks you haven't been together long enough, I don't know.
I would do the same under the circumstances tbh. Far better as a deposit than to get eaten up in bits, you never can replace a lump sum.
YABU to ask for the money as it has nothing to do with you.

I'd be very concerned about what will happen if your FIL dies and the money I'd in a bank account in his name. While in trust the money was earmarked but now a part of FILs estate.

Could you move in with them? That might persuade them you need housing

IrregularCommentary

While the money was in trust, no one had access to it. It is now literally in his parent's bank account, only because he asked them to hold it. The trust was set by his gran who died over 10 years ago.

gillybeanz

My credit rating has sweet fa to do with the money, it would be going straight to the lettings agency. I have always paid my rent, that is why I have debts. I have landlord references to prove I am a good tenant.

We would pay the money that we should be paying as rent back into the inheritance to replace it.

As of end of November, we will have been together 2 years. The money is not just for me, it is for us to live together as a family with our son, who is 3 months old.

I asked my partner to ask them now. He has already agreed to do this.

We have come across this issue twice now, and it's because he is in a new job. We would have to wait until February before being able to move, as that is when his probation ends. But, as I've said, i would most likely need to delay returning to work as we have no childcare arranged and we can't sort it out until we move. I was planning to go back to work in January as that is roundabout when my savings will run out and I don't want him bearing the burden of paying all the rent.

Benedikte He is an only child and his parent's have will drawn up already.

GiddyOn We could just turn up with suitcases. i'm imagining the expressions on their faces now :D

Benedikte makes a good point...

Glad your dh is going to ask - good luck! If moving really would make a huge difference and you can afford it a loan might be the answer. There's nothing wrong with intelligently used debt over short periods of time. You'd probably end up paying back maybe £300 more than you borrowed (assuming around £7,500 needed) over the course of 6 months but it might be worth it.

X post about wills.

Hmm, I can kind of see why his parents don't want to hand the money over if he's had two short-term jobs (one of which he was sacked for what sounds like gross misconduct from) and he's already said that he wants the money for a deposit. It may take them some time to see that he's changed his mind. I also suspect that you may fail referencing again tbh, what will you do then! Looking at it from their (parents) point of view he's asked them to keep it for a specific reason and not shown good judgement at work.

I'm presuming it was held in trust because of his age when he initially inherited but has passed the age at which it can be legally transferred to him? The only reason his parents have the money is because he asked them to keep it.

I think other posters have mentioned setting up a direct debit or similar into the savings account with a guarantee to repay the money (and perhaps a bit extra which might sway them?) within the six months.

All of that compromising with them just means that OPs DP is acknowledging that he is not a fully functioning adult and needs his parents to continue to manage him... he is a parent himself. He needs to get this sorted. They need to let him make his own mistakes.

I can't believe some posters are condoning his being infantilised like this!

A letter from his work may help (just saying X is with us doing a probationary period. So many % of our previous probationarers now have permanent positions with us. Please contact us if you require a reference or any further information).

Worked a treat for me previously (many years ago however).

I agree with you OurBlanche, however if the parents don't come around willingly, taking a stand and trying to force it (however right or legitimate the dh's position might be) could risk the OP losing her generous baby sitting offers!

A generous offer she may not need if they could move and she could return to work... or did I miss a post? The new colours are making me less certain

OurBlanche is parents have offered to do some childcare for us. 2-3 days a week. For the other 2-3 days, we would need a childminder. This would reduce our bill by about £100 per week, which would be awesome :)

All of that compromising with them just means that OPs DP is acknowledging that he is not a fully functioning adult and needs his parents to continue to manage him... he is a parent himself. He needs to get this sorted. They need to let him make his own mistakes. I can't believe some posters are condoning his being infantilised like this!

The OP says he can be spendy, and he's got himself dismissed from a job with a young baby. He's not done himself any favours with his parents, to be fair! The money they hold is probably his best chance of a deposit for a property purchase and it doesn't sound as if they will be doing any saving once they are renting. Once it's gone, it's gone.

I read and understood that, Cotswold

But I had missed the bit about childcare, thanks melibu

And I still think that, regardless of his recent shortcomings, he is an adult, a parent and that his own parents need to re-think their treatment of him. They need to talk, then let go of those apron strings.

I've got a great relationship OP cheers, and I think its a bit suss

HTH

Can you move into your mothers place since she is moving into your flat?

The sums don't add up OP. How could you DP and baby live on 20K a year( pre tax ) with a rent of £875 a month?
The rent alone would be well over half of your household income. Factor in Council Tax, utilities, transport and a whatever.
I know you are hoping to go back to work but that will mean childcare costs.

Totally gutted. He just called me and he has said he has changed his mind, he doesn't want to ask, he wants us to keep trying for a place without using any of the money (17k) I think that essentially means we're a bit fucked as he doesn't finish probation until February and we're probably going to fail the income checks cos we don't technically earn enough while I'm on maternity leave. They won't take evidence of savings into account, I already asked. I really wanted that flat, it was a perfect location for us. The only other option is a guarantor but i don't think we can find one and I'll feel bad asking.

Want2B until recently, my mum lived in Barbados. She's staying at my aunt's at the moment. There is space for her there, but my aunt's place has a lot of stairs and my mum has a lot of health problems, which is why she moved back to the UK. She's got kidney failure and has previously had 2 strokes, so her mobility is really limited.

Well, I just wanted to let everyone know how it went.

user1475440127 did you ready any of my posts?

Combined income of £45k a year ie I am on £25k a year
I'm going back to work in January
DPs parents have offered to do some childcare for us.

£900 is pretty decent for rent in SE. We're looking in Kent.

I hope you can manage something OP.
I think all you can do if it's impossible is to land up with his parents and ask them to help you find something. That might make them try to persuade DH to take the money!

How old is DP?

I'm sorry this hasn't worked out.

It was smelling a but fishy before but now it stinks like a trawler.

The money isn't there any more and he knows it. Why else would he let you struggle in your sister's flat with his ridiculous commute knowing that your seriously ill mother is going to have to be added to the mix very soon? That's going to be one cramped winter and for what? So he doesn't have to ask his daddy if he can use the money in his piggy bank to benefit his family?

And I think your sister has the patience of a saint to accommodate you all when he has almost a year's salary (allegedly) in the bank.

In your situation OP I would phone up a load of local letting agents, talk them through your income/work situations and ask them if they would need 6 months rent and/or a guarantor.

If they all do, then you know what you are dealing with and hopefully you can use this to convince DP and his dad to release the funds.

If you find any that don't, then that should be your starting point. It seems daft to go setting your heart on specific properties when you know at the moment there's a good chance you wouldn't be able to secure them anyway.

DP is 27. He has said that he's already taken £3k out of it, to help pay for rent and stuff, and he doesn't want to take out anymore. Fair enough really, I'll just have to get over it and be supportive.