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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want dp to come on holiday?

38 replies

WillWorkForMoney · 09/10/2016 17:24

Earlier in the year my nan paid for me, dp and our dc to go on holiday abroad. (She came too) In the lead up to the holiday dp moaned about the location, date, having to save spends up. While we were there he moaned about the fact we couldn't go out exploring much due to nan not being as fit as us (she's 84!) He didn't like sitting next to the pool (preferred the beach which we did 3 out of the 7 days) even though the kids loved the pool and their new inflatables (1st time abroad) Then whinged that we wanted to visit a theme park and wasn't going to come until 30 mins before we left. Then more moaning when home about all of the above.
Nan has very kindly offered to take me and the girls away next year again. Same place. But she doesn't really want dp to come (and I'm not sure if I do tbh)
Would it be unreasonable to go? Baring in mind if he had the choice, he would come. (Can't afford to go away on our own)
Thanks.

OP posts:
midsomermurderess · 09/10/2016 17:28

It clearly wasn't for him so no, leave him at home. He sounds like a complete baby anyway.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 09/10/2016 17:29

I don't think you're out of order. Tell him you are going with your Nan, but he's not invited as he hated it so much last year. And spoiled it for everyone else. If he objects then an apology to Nan and a promise not to whine is in order.

If he wants a different sort of holi#day he can book and pay for it.

prettywhiteguitar · 09/10/2016 17:30

No YANU he acted like a dick and is now not invited again. Simples

msrisotto · 09/10/2016 17:32

YANBU. He clearly didn't enjoy it so you're doing him a favour by the sound of it.

IfartInYourGeneralDirection · 09/10/2016 17:32

Go without and enjoy your time with your nan

TaliDiNozzo · 09/10/2016 17:34

YANBU. Your DP acted like a complete twat, why should your nan pay out for him when he is incapable of behaving like an adult?!

ijustwannadance · 09/10/2016 17:36

Let him stay at home and whinge on his own.

Original poster
WillWorkForMoney · 09/10/2016 17:36

Thing is, he'll make me feel guilty that I'm taking money from family funds for spending money. Saving it up does skint us a bit but it's (just) manageable. He'll be thinking why should he suffer when he's not coming?

OP posts:
Original poster
WillWorkForMoney · 09/10/2016 17:38

It wasn't constant moaning. But I was so embarrassed when me, nan and kids were all down by the pool and he was sitting in the room sulking because we weren't going to the beach again.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 09/10/2016 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LindyHemming · 09/10/2016 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jinglebellsandv0dka · 09/10/2016 17:41

YANBU

He sounds incredibly selfish and hard work. I'd focus on that if he starts the guilt tripping.

I couldn't be with some one like that!

Original poster
WillWorkForMoney · 09/10/2016 17:44

If I'm honest Jinglebells, I've started distancing myself from him, and I doubt we'll last much longer. He's just so negative about everything. It's draining.

OP posts:
Nydj · 09/10/2016 17:47

Does he never spend money on himself that could have otherwise been spent on the family? If so, then the holiday spending money is no different.

edwinbear · 09/10/2016 17:47

YANBU he tried to spoil everyone's holiday the minute it wasn't all about him. I'm not surprised your nan doesn't want to take him again. Go without him, you'll all have a much better time.

stitchglitched · 09/10/2016 17:47

YANBU. I imagine it can't have been easy for your Nan to tell you she doesn't want him to come so his behaviour must have been really hurtful. If he starts moaning about spending money and lack of benefit to him, tell him it is for his children and to stop being such a selfish arse.

Zeeandra · 09/10/2016 17:47

me, nan and kids were all down by the pool and he was sitting in the room sulking because we weren't going to the beach again

That's just plain disrespectful to be honest. If someone pays for you to go on holiday with them they presumably would like your company. If it's not your idea of a good time tough. You either suck it up and make the best of it by participating in whatever the majority want to do or you stay home.

Also if you have kids you use the time to play with the kids and have that time together. Sulking in the room is childish and disrespectful. I wouldn't want to pay for someone who treated my gift like that either.

You may find your nan treats you to some spends. I imagine she'd rather do that than pay for someone who moans and sulks and hides when they don't get their own way to come with you.

WankersHacksandThieves · 09/10/2016 17:52

Is he 6? If he wanted to go to the beach, why didn't he just go on his own?

My DS2 is 15 - when we went away he wanted to go for a walk rather than the pool so he went for a walk and joined us later. No moaning, no drama etc.

I'd go without or tell him if he comes he is free to go and do his own thing.

Jinglebellsandv0dka · 09/10/2016 17:53

Go for it then op, don't turn this opportunity down.

You can have a relaxing holiday - no moaning and plenty of laughs!

Jinglebellsandv0dka · 09/10/2016 17:53

And good in your nan for saying something!

pipsqueak25 · 09/10/2016 17:54

enjoy you hols with your dc and your lovely nan, then think about the long term status and start planning for that with your dcs and stbexh.

WankersHacksandThieves · 09/10/2016 17:54

...and I don't mean going to the beach in a sulk. He could have simply said. "I fancy the beach for a bit today, does anyone want to join me or are you all happier with the pool?" then when you say you fancy staying by the pool, he could have said "well if you all don't mind then, I'm going to head down for a swim in the sea, I'll come back in a couple of hours and take the kids for an ice-cream ok?"

LindyHemming · 09/10/2016 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QOD · 09/10/2016 18:00

I go at least once a year with my mum and kid and once a year just me and mum.
Dh has anxiety and it comes out pretty much as you've described!
Too hot too cold wrong clothes wrong people doesn't like this that or the other

We are going away for a long weekend this year ... god help me

sandgrown · 09/10/2016 18:01

I empathise OP. I have a DP like yours but I paid for our holiday. We were in a lovely place abroad but he sulked because there was no television in the chalet. When we came home he had the cheek to tell people his much he enjoyed the holiday! I am going again next year with DC and GDC and to be honest I hope DP decides not to come .