To think MIL shouldn't have spoken to my daughter like she did

[Welshpoolmummy]

My MIL is either lovely or a complete cow.
Big detached house in the priciest suburbs in my city, grew up with staff, children boarding school, worked until 40 part time.

Me on the other hand, daughter of a labourer. Done well for myself through education. I know she looks down on my side.

On results day, my daughter got a freak result in one subject and As in everything else she wantes to study further at AS.

She phoned her granny from Italy as promised to share news. Granny said she shouldve worked harder, shouldnt have wasted time going to lectures at Oxford. Shouldnt waste time in bed or playing on the computer. Shouldnt have spent her own earned cash on visiting universities. Time to pull her finger out. My daughter told her to f off as she was upset already.

Then when home, lectures on how well her friends grandkids had done as they go to the boarding schools her father and aunt went to.

Granny told her that she might not get into Oxford or a top 10 university but her results werent that bad.
When your uncle was at oxford.....

We've decided not to tell granny where she's applied to university. (In fact she's already had an offer from a top 10 )

AIBU?

Tell us the freak result ..

Surely English universities base offers on decent A Levels? I know things are dire but still...

Really? Not everybody would know that?

I thought that we had the veritable oracles of A levels and UCAS applications present on this thread only a moment ago?

I'm a tad confused to why so many posters don't understand the UCAS process.

You apply to universities with your GCSE and AS grades, A2 predictionsetc.
Say they want to offer you a place to study there, you get a conditional offer Based on achieving certain grades.
Then you do your A2 and hopefully fulfill the offer grades, so getting a place.

DD got an E in one module, and an A in the other. This is her best subject. Never ever got under an A all year.

PoppyBirdOnAWire

Surely English universities base offers on decent A Levels? I know things are dire but still...

Obviously they would base the offer on predicted results. But the freakery is concerning.

I'm a tad confused to why so many posters don't understand the UCAS process

Because not everyone is as wonderful as you obviously.

nor have I ever heard of anyone getting an offer the day after forms go in

A tad confused? I am not in England but I still find this amazing offer quite unbelievable...

Personally I've always found passive aggression to be exponentially more rude than abject profanity.

If I wanted to infer that the OP was indeed fabricating elements of this situation then I very much hope I'd have the manners to directly say so.

Hahaha

I'm one of the pearl clutching posters ollieplimsoles.

"I'm seriously laughing at some of the pearl clutching posters on this thread who cant believe the dd swore at her very rude and bitchy gran, who clearly doesn't understand the mental and physical toil A levels can have on a person, and before that you have the stress of GCSEs..."

well.... yes, life is generally hard ollieplimsoles. Here are the A levels stresses... here are work problems, here are child bearing problems with some people having children with disabilities facing constant stress and unfair misunderstanding and ignorant criticism (yes, it's me ollieplimsoles). Yet, I would slap my son for reacting in this way to any sort of fair or unfair criticism he receives. Instead, I teach him inner strength and teach him how to raise above it.

OP - as a mum of a child who is brilliant academically but has a learning difficulty, you really but really have no idea what life is about and how harsh or ignorant other people can be. What your MIL said pales in comparison. Yet, I've never ever been rude to any of these ignorant people or told anyone to f* off. I think your reaction to the situation and your inability to see how wrong your daughter's behaviour was is the true testament to your lack of class, culture and education.

Been chomping on a thesaurus? Lol

Ellen that's against mn guidelines. Passive aggression is sadly all we have.

But it ticks so many MN boxes doesn't it.

Forgive my pedantry but you said OP "in the grades DD wants to study furtherat* AS level - so the results you are talking about must be GCSE results because she hasn't started her AS level course, which is the first year of 6th form (school or college) so she can't have any predicted grades to submit on an UCAS form - can she? She will only have those at the end of AS levels. And NO UCAS forms are not submitted after GCSEs. So can you clarify which grades DD was talking to her gran about.

I do understand the procedure and timing of UCAS forms and I'm sorry but I think you're caught of your own hook here. It simply isn't possible to get an offer the day after submitting an UCAS form.

"accidentalbride

I'm one of the pearl clutching posters ollieplimsoles.

"I'm seriously laughing at some of the pearl clutching posters on this thread who cant believe the dd swore at her very rude and bitchy gran, who clearly doesn't understand the mental and physical toil A levels can have on a person, and before that you have the stress of GCSEs..."

well.... yes, life is generally hard ollieplimsoles. Here are the A levels stresses... here are work problems, here are child bearing problems with some people having children with disabilities facing constant stress and unfair misunderstanding and ignorant criticism (yes, it's me ollieplimsoles). Yet, I would slap my son for reacting in this way to any sort of fair or unfair criticism he receives. Instead, I teach him inner strength and teach him how to raise above it.

OP - as a mum of a child who is brilliant academically but has a learning difficulty, you really but really have no idea what life is about and how harsh or ignorant other people can be. What your MIL said pales in comparison. Yet, I've never ever been rude to any of these ignorant people or told anyone to f* off. I think your reaction to the situation and your inability to see how wrong your daughter's behaviour was is the true testament to your lack of class, culture and education."
Agreed.

Morris

Harsh but true.

So we can call each other cunts but not liars?

It seems MNHQ might find some sympathy amongst their assembled company for your DD, OP

imply

My ed had an offer from Bristol pretty much as soon as her UCAS form was submitted. They are usually very quick, unlike some other Russell group unis I could mention ahem

Well done to your daughter, though I think she should have bitten her tongue at grannies comments. Granny however should also learn a bit of tact. Kindness goes a long way.

To be fair I don't think we can call each other cunts, that's a 'personal attack'.

But yes, mnhq let us say pretty much anything apart from 'wtf OP, how stupid do you think we are? This is patently made up'.

Ellen that's against mn guidelines. Passive aggression is sadly all we have.

Dennis Skinner MP: "Half the Tory members opposite are crooks."

Mr Speaker told him to withdraw the comment

"OK, half the Tory members aren't crooks."

To paraphrase Dennis Skinner.

'Half of the posters on Mumsnet are not trolls, wind up merchants, bored teenagers, or pervy blokes looking for wank fodder concocting made up shite complete with gaping consistencies, unrealistic timeframes and badly drawn caricatures.

Oooft

Nailed it :)

Ugh.

Well I'm sorely disappointed in the powers that be.
To be coerced in to passive aggression, it's just so......unbecoming.

Uh hate the saying "respect for elders" How about respect for everyone as long as they respect you?
I certainly wouldn't teach my dc to blindly someone just because they are older