AIBU to want a babysitter to do cleaning?

[Rosamund1]

We are desparately poor at the moment and going through a number of problems including health. My one ray of sunshine is going to a dance class every 2 weeks.

At the newsagents there was an advert for 'domestic help, cleaning, childminding, shopping etc.' I Called the agency and they said they could do what I needed; From 8pm -11pm look after 12 year old ds for three hours and do some housework for a total of £30. The class is 8.30- 10 and then I have a cup of tea and socialise till 10.30 then get home for 11. I don't have friends or family to hep with childcare and I don't want to give up this positive adult interaction as my job is awful.

The first week she came armed with a mop and cleaning things and I came home to a clean house. I had told ds to be in his bedroom. The week after she just did some dusting. The week after ds said she had just watched Tv the whole time.

I asked her to iron five shirts last week and she said she had done them, but maybe with the iron off or something. I feel sorry for her because she is old with a hacking smokers cough. I am not asking her to supervise an infant and scrub the floors at the same time.

Babysitters charge about £7 per hour here, so I may as well save the £200 per year difference and actually pay someone to sit around.

AIBU to want someone to clean for that amount as well as babysit ( even though it's what they initially agreed)?

For what it's worth, we invested in a super quiet vacuum cleaner about 5 years ago and you literally can't hear it in the next room, so the cleaning would not be noisy for neighbours at that time.

Why are so many posters banging on about how poor or not poor the OP is? It's not what she asked so not relevant and all it's doing is making someone who's feeling a bit shit about her situation, feel a bit worse.

'Poor' is subjective because depending on how much or how little you earn, your finances can be hiked up by the State - or not. If you have very little disposable income then it matters how it's spent and whether people think OP should be spending it on cleaner/babysitter is as irrelevant as whether people think people on benefits should have a tv/Sky. Nobody's business seems to be the mantra... so the same applies here.

OP, yes, change agencies if you have a choice, and make it very clear what your expectations are.

Why are so many posters banging on about how poor or not poor the OP is?

Maybe because she mentioned it

For fuck's sake OP, you're getting a hard time here and you don't deserve it in the slightest. Firstly, you're spot on, poverty is relative and subjective. Secondly, so many of the posters slating you have missed the fact that the class is ONCE A FORTNIGHT. As a single (I assume, hence the need for a babysitter) parent to an almost teen, working an an unsatisfying job and struggling for money, don't you bloody dare give up that class! A wise PP said upthread that you're making a wise decision to invest in your mental health. The only issue you should deal with is moving your investment to another cleaner/babysitter.

How crap is this? OP asks a question which is ignored by many posters who pick apart the semantics of her post. OP, YANBU which is more than can be said for many PPs.

Also OP seems to think users of food banks are worse off than her!

'As a single (I assume, hence the need for a babysitter) parent to an almost teen, working an an unsatisfying job and struggling for money, don't you bloody dare give up that class! A wise PP said upthread that you're making a wise decision to invest in your mental health.'

Of course not! £60/fortnight + cost of the class when you are 'desperately poor' and sneer at people buying fucking tops in Primark whilst you get further into debt will do wonders for your mental health .

MrsDV, well I don't agree. That's OP's perception. I haven't seen her post a monthly budget or a list of her assets and debts so I'll just take her at face value.

I think the posts critiquing her for what she spends are well out of order and frankly a bit of a pile on.

Troll? Because you have no idea of desperately poor. Someone in that position could not afford a babysitter. |nsulting really,

I personally think that you keep the class but ditch the sitter/cleaner. That way you keep your class but also save £60 a month. As I and others have said a 12 year old should be fine for 2/3 hours

Oh FFS op says she is in debt. Just because she pays £60 a month doesn't mean she has it. Why do people have to be so cunty on here sometimes.
Could you put the money towards a cheap mobile for you ds so he can call you if needs be and then leave him at home with the promise of a fiver if he cleans up
How far from the house is your class?
I was regularly left alone at 10/11 so my mum could work twilight shifts (7-12) I didn't love it but I survived.

My cousin got married. I didn't know the groom, but my mum told me all about him and how he and my cousin were after she'd stayed with them for a week or so sometime after they married. Poor as church mice, she said. Some years later, I found that they lived in a 15th century cottage, grade I, beautifully restored with all mod cons but all the original features. Including two acres of land. The groom also inherited a business which his parents had runnsuccessfully for over 40 years, and their parents bfore them and that this business had been keeping his family in bread and butter AND JAM for something like 5 generations. Further, he had inherited all his family's wealth as he was an only child with no cousins so got everything from all 4 grandparents. I could go on but I can't be bothered.

However, according to my mum this pair were poor as church mice.

So poverty is relative. More importantly, it's NOT the point of this thread.

People keep saying that 12 year old can be left but OP responded to that saying that it was a poor area with regular police attendance so wouldn't leave him on his own.

Has RTFT (for once).

'Why do people have to be so cunty on here sometimes. '

Oh, gees, I dunno, it's not at all cunty to refer to people buying tops in Primark as no way they can be poor or that people who have to use foodbanks can't possibly be as poor.

Maybe desperately poor wasn't a good term but I think the OP's question is valid and as long as her child isn't going without food to pay for her dance classes, she shouldn't give it up IMO.

We don't have a lot of money right now at ALL. We're months behind on the mortgage, the heat's shut off, etc etc. And you know, DH and I are going to the cinema tonight. Probably spend $50 before the night's over counting snacks and the babysitter for a few hours. We can't really afford it but we so, so need to go do something on our own for a few hours before the stress of money and kids and the house gets to us and we snap. So that's what we're doing. Obviously people shouldn't go out buying diamonds and flying off to Disneyland if they don't have anything but beans to eat, but a few smallish things here and there are necessary in my book. Otherwise what is life even FOR?

Hope you enjoy your film, CheerfulYank and you're absolutely right.

And, if OP had posted this on a different night, different time, she would get completely different responses. Bizarre MN is sometimes.

I would just keep her and lower your expectations. It's a bit irrelevant really weather you are poor or not, to babysit and clean for £10 per hour during unsociable hours is a really shit job.
Having a 12 year old reporting back about you when you leave just makes it even worse. She probably realised that she was being mugged.
You could off her and get another nocturnal babysitting cleaner, but you may not find it easy to keep one.

Rabbit "You could off her"

seems a tad OTT but I might have thought the term means something else

OP - I know you value your dance lessons, but you are working IRO 16 hours a month just to pay for your 12 hours respite (and that's without thinking about tax or the actual cost of the lessons). I think you need to rethink your babysitting/cleaning plans.

You didn't ask "AIBU to describe myself as desperately poor." What you actually asked was are you being unreasonable to expect someone to do the job you are paying them for, agreed in advance with an agency. No you are not. Ring the agency. Get someone else. Babysitting and cleaning for ten pounds an hour may be a shit job but it's one the agency offers, so that's a bit irrelevant, Bloody hell, sorry you are getting such a hard time.

THE DANCE LESSONS ARE FORTNIGHTLY NOT WEEKLY

Christ on a bike. This place needs a head/desk emoticon.

To go back to what you originally asked, OP.....

Like many others I suspect, I came on here to say 'No, you can't expect a babysitter to clean', however from your opening post, it then became clear that the agency agreed someone would be prepared to come and clean in the evenings, whilst your 12 yr old was in the house, and you weren't. So, that being the case you absolutely MUST go back to the agency and say that for 2 out of the 3 weeks she's been, she's not done the job she is being paid for.
This holds if you are the skintest person on earth of if you are a multi-millionaire. That's not relevant. The point is, you have a contract for someone to do something and they are not doing it, so yes, complain to the agency and see if they have someone who is willing to clean in the evenings.

"You're not desperately poor" isn't the issue here is it, why are so many people pointing it out? OP you're paying for an agreed service that you aren't getting, so go back to the agency. Glad you're able to get out once a week doing something you enjoy but you don't need all this bothering you, so get it sorted asap

I don't think a twelve year old should be left alone. Fourteen is the youngest a child should be left because if anything happens to them you are in deep shite.
I would clean and keep an eye on a twelve year old for £10 an hour.
In fact I used to babysit for a single mum and do her ironing for nothing.
OP I would remind her of the agreement and if she doesn't stick to it then look for someone else. Any Uni students about? My daughter did some cleaning jobs when she was at uni and she was asked to do a few odd things but she never bothered, she just got on with it because she needed the money and £10 an hour meant food for the week and a night out. Too many people are too fussy nowadays.

Ditsy4 that entirely depends on the 12 year old. My dd saved an adult's life when she was 12. She had (and still has at 14) more common sense and ability to deal with a crisis than most adults I know. In fact, I have seen her in several crises where she was slowed down by having to calm the adults before dealing with the crisis. However, that's a moot point, because the OP has said that she is NOT comfortable leaving her 12 year old at home alone.