AIBU to want a babysitter to do cleaning?

[Rosamund1]

We are desparately poor at the moment and going through a number of problems including health. My one ray of sunshine is going to a dance class every 2 weeks.

At the newsagents there was an advert for 'domestic help, cleaning, childminding, shopping etc.' I Called the agency and they said they could do what I needed; From 8pm -11pm look after 12 year old ds for three hours and do some housework for a total of £30. The class is 8.30- 10 and then I have a cup of tea and socialise till 10.30 then get home for 11. I don't have friends or family to hep with childcare and I don't want to give up this positive adult interaction as my job is awful.

The first week she came armed with a mop and cleaning things and I came home to a clean house. I had told ds to be in his bedroom. The week after she just did some dusting. The week after ds said she had just watched Tv the whole time.

I asked her to iron five shirts last week and she said she had done them, but maybe with the iron off or something. I feel sorry for her because she is old with a hacking smokers cough. I am not asking her to supervise an infant and scrub the floors at the same time.

Babysitters charge about £7 per hour here, so I may as well save the £200 per year difference and actually pay someone to sit around.

AIBU to want someone to clean for that amount as well as babysit ( even though it's what they initially agreed)?

For what it's worth, we invested in a super quiet vacuum cleaner about 5 years ago and you literally can't hear it in the next room, so the cleaning would not be noisy for neighbours at that time.

[bigbuttons]

You can't be desperately poor of you can justify getting a cleaner/babysitter. However, yanbu. It was agreed that she would do certain jobs, the money and hours were agreed so she should be doing them.

[BlancheBlue]

desperately poor? really op?

Do do not that paying for sitters and cleaner is not usually a sign of poverty?

[Starryeyed16]

No it's not a competition but there's plenty of people on here who have fallen on hard times that they relied on food banks and selling what items they have to get by that being desperately poor.

[RabbitsNap01]

Come on, let's be sympathetic, op is hardly living the life of reilly.

[RabbitsNap01]

And there are plenty of people around the world who would love to have a food bank to access - absolutely everything is relative.

[Sukitakeitoff]

I don't think £30 a week is an option if you're in debt.

Does your ds have any friends? Could you arrange some mutual free babysitting with one of his friend's parents?

[voddiekeepsmesane]

"It's not a competition about who is poorest" then please do not describe yourself as desperately poor.

"We have not been on holiday in 5 years. I cook from scratch and save money in many ways. We do not live in a nice area. The police are in the area about 3 times a week and I would not feel comfortable leaving ds alone" while I agree this wouldn't be helping the depression it is NOT that bad. We have not had a holiday of any kind since 2008 live across the road from the local homeless shelter which has regular visits from the police looking for drugs/criminals etc

I leave my 12 year old at times for 2/3 hours when I have evening meetings. He knows how to contact me is savvy enough to not answer the door or phone to anyone apart from me. though if I was you I would find a class that was a little earlier so I wouldn't be home quite as late

[Notsoaccidentproneanymore]

I think you're unfairly getting a slating op. If you need to spend that money to keep you mentally healthy, then it's money well spent.

People who have never had mental health issues just don't seem to get how debilitating it can be.

Anyway, I would speak to the agency. Do you have a contract?

[Rosamund1]

It is the ONE pleasure I have.
I do not spend any money on
Cigarettes,
Make up,
Perfume
I don't drink
I walk to save bus fare
I last bought new shoes in 2014 when they wore out.
We use own brand everything

If I see a 'poor' person in primark buying three tops which come up to £10 can I then say 'you're not poor'.

I'm not saying I'm poor because I can't afford a second pony. I say it because I am earning minimum wage, renting in a bad area and getting into a deeper hole every month.

[Sukitakeitoff]

(presumably your ds could go with you if you babysat for another family - I'm assuming a fairly late bedtime at the weekend?)

[Memoires]

Oh who cares whether op's 'desperately poor' by anyone's lights, she's asking about an agency who have agreed to send her someone for a fixed sum who will clean and babysit, and the person they are sending is not doing what she's being paid for.

OP, contact the agency and tell them what is happening. You could be kind and ask the cleaner in person, but that involves waiting until next time she comes - without her cleaning stuff? - and therefore not getting the cleaning done again.

[Rosamund1]

Yes, I'm not in a shack somewhere eating out of bins but especially as I volunteer at a food bank, I know some people there are better off than I am financially.

[InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream]

You aren't poor. Poor is having sold or pawned anything of value and looking down the side of settees for loose change to buy food. You're right, it isn't a competition, but you should realise your post is infuriating to people who really are poor.

[ImperialBlether]

But who wants to babysit and clean when they could just babysit for the same money? And who wants to be cleaning someone else's house at 11 pm?

[Rosamund1]

I'm sorry if the choice of words desparately poor got people's hackles up but as the term is subjective in many ways I stand by it. I have nothing of value to sell, change does not have time to go down sofas in this house.

[Floralnomad]

Well if you are getting deeper into debt each month you can't afford this £60 and getting deeper in debt and how that affects your MH needs weighing up against the benefit of the class for your MH . It would make more sense to find a class at a weekend / early evening when it will only cost you the price of the class. I agree poverty is not a competition but someone who was genuinely 'poor' would not even be able to lay their hands on £60 every 4 weeks to pay this woman .

[BlancheBlue]

but especially as I volunteer at a food bank, I know some people there are better off than I am financially.

Oh god, this is going to be one of THOSE threads isn't it

[voddiekeepsmesane]

"getting into a deeper hole every month" this is worrying. While I understand the need to relax and have adult company for ones sanity it des not seem like financially you can afford this

[voddiekeepsmesane]

sorry does not and can't

[Gabilan]

"Surely if you are desperately poor you wouldn't be able to afford 120 a month?"

It's fortnightly, not weekly, so half that. Perhaps it would be better if the OP had said "things are tight" which it sounds like they are, but she's asking for help so a bit of sympathy wouldn't go amiss.

[SestraClone]

You can go out and meet other people for far less than £30 a week plus whatever your dance class/coffees cost on top. If you are in crippling debt, this needs to be addressed. I also do not believe that users of food banks (who therefore cannot afford to buy food) are better off financially than you, who has a spare £30+ a week for extras/luxuries.

[Cocklodger]

Erm... desperately poor?
that aside, as has been raised above.
YANBU, but I'd say it was too good to be true from the get go to be honest.
£10 an hour is standard for just babysitting nevermind anything else...

[SofiaAmes]

I don't understand why everyone is complaining about whether you consider yourself poor or not. It seems to me you have made a wise decision about keeping yourself mentally healthy which allows you to keep your life together and hopefully eventually get out of your financial hole. Much smarter than many who just fall down the whole with no way of getting back out.
Going back to the original question: You hired someone to do a job and they agreed and then didn't do it. Do not have that person back. It seems to me that the person's main responsibility is the cleaning and not the childcare and perhaps you should emphasize that when you hire the next person. You are not asking her to change diapers and entertain a baby. She's just the adult in the household while you are out with a youth who is borderline age for leaving alone. (At that age I was totally happy leaving dd alone and much less happy leaving ds alone.) The primary responsibility is cleaning. And given your description, she doesn't even sound like a responsible person to leave with your ds.