To ask how you split responsibilities on mat leave?

[Onthedowns]

Myself and DH at breaking point one of main factors is how I am doing everything around the house - except putting bins out! He will occasionally drop DD to school also. Also he says I should be doing all night feeds as 'that's what I am off work for' we have 7 month old DS who is crap sleeper started out premature in SCBU then horrendous reflux and cmpi. Just started to get under control , my DD who is 4 just started school. DS wakes anytime between 3:4 still and can take an hour sometimes more to go back to sleep tonight he woke 345 then sleep till 6. I haven't been able to sleep as he's been tossing and turning. I do this every night. DH has sales job does travel but no more than 2 hours each way and not usually very early starts. It's meetings and office based not manual work, although appreciate driving dangerous when tired. He is extremely busy so I try to do most things however I am extremely tired from constant waking and my sleep pattern is shot, I also have DD to think about. Wednesday DH left house at 7 got back at 7 then went straight to football training then home 2330 after training pub etc then complains of being tired. He plays football every Sunday morning also. Last Friday night he went for a drink with friends came home 130am! This was local also. I have DD to get ready etc too. My argument is he's tired as doesn't manage his time and through choice makes himself worse. Mine is sheer exhaustion of housework cooking cleaning washing shopping two kids . Any ideas?

[StarlingMurmuration]

While DP was out of the house working, I was wholly responsible for DS (not for cooking, cleaning, household crap etc, though I did get some stuff done). The rest of the time, including the night waking, we shared 50/50.

Why should the mother's life get turned upside down while the dad's goes on as normal? Both have become parents!

[Solongtoshort]

I have a 11 month old and a 4 year old, my husband no lives somewhere else due to him attitude towards me whilst on at leave l Am sad to say he had no respect for me and we both have different ideas of support and how to parent.

[RolfsBabyGrand]

Yep sheba I realise now that he wanted me to "look after" him - that was my role in our relationship. Completely one sided. Yuck. He lives with the OW now, she doesn't work so can be his mummy - ideal!

[PopsyDaisy2207]

When I was breast feeding I obviously did all the night feeds, but as soon as we moved onto the bottle it was 50/50. One night on, one night off. It really did save my sanity. All of my friends thought Inwas really lucky but why shouldn't he have done it?? I had the most difficult and most important job during the day so it was only fair I had my fair share of sleep too.
Had we have shared my leave I would've done the same for him.
In regards to cleaning etc. With my first I put myself under way to much pressure. I felt I had to earn my time off work. My second I didn't give a shit. If I didn't do a load of washing my husband would tut but would do it instead. My only regret is not adopting that attitude the first time round. 😂
Maybe I am lucky, but our children are OURS so we both should have some responsibility. Thats my opinion anyway 😊

[Allthewaves]

To survive night wakening I used to go to bed at 7pm ish. When he was home (worked away) dh did late night feed before going to bed himself 10/11pm. Then I would deal with night issues. Weekends we took turns to lie in.

House was a bomb and just did he minimum. Then dh would help me clear up at weekend.

[StinkyMcgrinky]

I'm currently on mat leave with 3month old DS2 and spend my days looking after him and 20month old DS1. While I'm at home with the boys I tend to do all the housework and childcare (my decision, DH tells me to leave the cleaning but I can't sit and look at a floor that needs hoovering) and when DH gets home at 5.30pm we split it 50/50. I get Saturday mornings to myself and he gets Sunday mornings to do what he likes.

Luckily DS2 has been a fairly decent sleeper from the start and we've usually had 2 night wakings, I would do the 2/3am feed and DH the 5/6am feed before work. Now DS only wakes once around 4am and DH feeds him and leaves me to sleep before getting up with two boys around 6.30am.

A friend of mine asked me how I had managed to "train him" so well, which I was quite taken a back by. He's not trained, he's a father and he wants to spend time with his children. I return to work in January and DH will be taking 3 months shared parental leave - I actually think it will be good for our relationship for both of us to have experienced parental leave

[SandyY2K]

I have had this conversation but it inevitabley ends in arguments, I did the bulk of cooking etc before DC s

I could have said exactly these things when my DC were younger. My DH thought that paying all the bills, emptying the bins, doing the garden and DIY was his share.

I once suggested he got up to do night feeds on one weekend day, but he refused.

I think if I'd posted here all those years ago, I'd be divorced now. I left the house with my baby DC once because I'd had enough of it. It was only then he realised how serious I was.

[LotisBlue]

I do the nights as ds is breastfed and we could sleep so it's not too awful. Dp gets up for work and gives both DC breakfast while I stay in bed.

When dp gets home again we split the work, dp usually does bath and bedtime as it's a chance to spend time with the DC.

[LotisBlue]

Could sleep=co sleep

[Onthedowns]

Thanks all things obviously need to change it's how!!

[ShebaShimmyShake]

Semi leave. Go somewhere else with the baby for a few days, parents if that's an option? You'll have less shitwork to do and he'll lose his slave for a while.

[expatinscotland]

No, you talk to him. He kicks off, this tells you he's a manchild who doesn't want to change because he sees all lifework as women's work.

[Nanny0gg]

When I was as tired as you, I slept when the baby napped.

If that meant I was too tired to get DH dinner, or wash and iron his clothes, then so be it...

However my DH came home and did bath and bed, took his turn with dinner, cleared up if I cooked and ironed on weekends.

He didn't go out and leave me with the drudgery and I was a SAHM. How will it work when you go back to work?

[Onthedowns]

Thanks I can't really sleep with DS sleeps he's a crap napper too, but things done for my DD when she's home from school. Both kids had reflux so bad sleepers till older. I am not going to think about going back to work i haven't got a clue how it will work!