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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I don't have a disorder?

89 replies

CaptainObviousTwo · 06/10/2016 19:07

Hi all, NC because my boss knows I'm on MN and I don't want to get the sack if it turns out IABU.

DP has been telling me more and more recently that I need to seek treatment for anxiety. He is convinced I have a severe anxiety disorder which can be addressed by the GP however I don't feel this at all and that most people think in the same way that I do.

I think constantly about other people's opinions and feelings, and everything I do is shaped around this; for example how I behave at work and how I interact with others. I often mess this up, however, so will worry that I've offended people or caused others problems which makes me concerned in the evenings and I'll spend a lot of time thinking about how I can fix it. Whenever I make mistakes at work (I'm in childcare) I get afraid I'm going to be sacked - but this happens A LOT in my industry, so not unfounded.
DP says this isn't normal for every day but surely this is just being conscientious of other people?

Whilst I don't have much concern for my own health, I do worry about my friend's and families' and will imagine worse case scenarios so that I can plan ahead if anything should happen. I'm known, jokingly, as "Apocalypse Woman" for this but basically I just like being prepared.

I'll admit that I am probably over-sensitive as I'll immediately think that people's bad moods or negative atmosphere is because of something I've done wrong, which I'm aware is really conceited of me - and I'm trying to address this.

I do have nightmares most nights and wake up with a lot of tension in my back and shoulders. I've taken to sleeping on the sofa so that I don't disturb DP with my fidgeting - he says this is another anxiety thing but my sleep has never been that great.

There are lots of little things that DP has bought up, but I don't want to irritate people with them!

In short, I think that everyone worries about most things they do each day and constantly feeling like there's something not quite right is just part of being an adult.
DP thinks this isn't the case (though he is very kind and thoughtful of others, so I'm not saying that he isn't considerate to others).
He got me to take a couple of online anxiety tests (example below) and tbf i rank in the high sections - but thinking and worrying are just every day things right?

Anyway, sorry for being so long and meandering, I'm probably not explaining myself very well at all!

AIBU to think that being aware of how your actions affect others is just part of being a nice person and doesn't mean I have a medical disorder?

example anxiety test

OP posts:
Original poster
CaptainObviousTwo · 06/10/2016 19:07

That was really long Blush. So sorry! Well done if you've managed to power through...

OP posts:
ethelb · 06/10/2016 19:11

You sound highly sensitive/empathetic. This is fine. It is normal. It is even good. But many of us do suffer from anxiety and need to be aware of signs and symptoms and keep on top of the internal dialogue to stop it becoming overwhelming.

You don't need treatment from your GP, but they may be able to point you in the direction of some CBT or phsychoanalytic therapy. You can try practicing mindfulness on your own.

longdiling · 06/10/2016 19:12

Well I'm not going to attempt to diagnose you but you do sound more anxious than the average person. Worrying constantly about other people's feelings and opinions and health and planning for disasters etc sounds absolutely exhausting. Do you wish you could stop? You can't be happy like this surely? I don't see how a Gp appointment would hurt.

Cheby · 06/10/2016 19:14

Being aware of others is normal, but not to the extent that you are thinking about it constantly. And the other symptoms you describe don't sound 'normal' either, you do sound like you may have anxiety.

Surely it wouldn't hurt to have a chat with your GP?

Original poster
CaptainObviousTwo · 06/10/2016 19:14

Do you wish you could stop?

I do "envy" (is that the right word?) people who seem really confident and don't care much about what other people think.
I often avoid going out just because its so tiring afterwards thinking about what I've done, but I think this is just pure laziness! Grin

OP posts:
TheVeryHungryDieter · 06/10/2016 19:16

I'm afraid you do sound very anxious to me...

What are the other things you didn't list?

WeirdAndPissedOff · 06/10/2016 19:18

I've heard it said that the point a mental state becomes an illness or a disorder worth looking at, is when it causes you distress/stress, or affects the way you behave to a significant extent.

I don't know how accurate the above is, and I'm certainly not qualified to attempt to diagnose you. But Tbh it does sound as though it's having an effect on your life, and making you unhappy.
Would it be worth talking to someone?

Original poster
CaptainObviousTwo · 06/10/2016 19:19

Thank you for all the replies so far!

Surely it wouldn't hurt to have a chat with your GP?

I'm sure the GP has more important problems to deal with over my whinging though? I don't want to waste his time. (I'm not saying anxiety is whinging, I'm very conscious of MH)
Also, last time I went (for something else) I mentioned a few things on DPs request and GP immediately prescribed me anti-depressants which is a waste of NHS resources.

OP posts:
sunnycloudyraining · 06/10/2016 19:22

I'm the same OP & I think I'm getting worse. I've been considering getting some help, but think I'll be wasting docs time. I think about death ALOT, either my dcs or mine. I constantly worry about getting a terminal illness. I also worry all the time about what I've said in just general conversation to people or posted on social media. I feel in a constant stomach churning state of anxiety at the moment, I'm worrying myself silly about my DS who has just started school, although he is absolutely fine. I'm also thinking every single day about my older DS going to secondary school even tho it's 2 yrs away. It can't be normal.

Sorry not much help to your post! Just feel very similar

BackInTheRoom · 06/10/2016 19:22

OCD?

Original poster
CaptainObviousTwo · 06/10/2016 19:22

What are the other things you didn't list?

There are lots which are probably insignificant, DP had a whole list.
I have been known to freeze up before going into busy places and getting out of breath etc because I'm worried I'll do something wrong.
I cry a lot, but I think I just need to toughen up.
There are more but I can't think off the top of my head and I don't want mention too many things in case everyone is like "that's called LIFE!" (I've been on AIBU a while Wink)

I'm not happy most of the time, but no one really is?

OP posts:
Original poster
CaptainObviousTwo · 06/10/2016 19:24

sunnycloudyraining That sounds really difficult, you should go to the GP - thats what they are there for Smile

OP posts:
longdiling · 06/10/2016 19:26

Oh. OP. Yes, you should be happy most of the time. I am. And I do worry about things. I'm not great socially so I do worry about what people think of me and if I've said something stupid but nowhere near to the extent you do. It's fleeting and I'm able to dismiss it and move on - it sounds like you can't?

Bountybarsyuk · 06/10/2016 19:27

Captain I do think your husband has a point. I'm not unhappy most of the time, and I really do have some 'big stuff' to worry about. I don't spend a lot of time worrying about what others thing or that I'll get into trouble, it might happen occasionally but it's not a permanent state of affairs.

I don't think any of the things that you list are 'abnormal' as such, but the quantity of them and the amount they dominate what you do and your interactions sounds quite draining.

I do think that there's things that might work for you to improve, mindfulness in particular which is about accepting and being in the moment, which it sounds like you hardly ever are!

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive · 06/10/2016 19:27

I used to be like this. I couldn't tolerate it. I'm not anymore. Life is so much easier without the constant worrying.
I think your husband perhaps does have a point but its up to you whether you want to change it.

StrictlyJiving · 06/10/2016 19:27

Going by your last post I'd say you definitely warrant a visit to the GP. It seems you worry endlessly about others and wether you are problem to them and its become a vicious cycle to the extent you view even visiting the GP as, 'wasting the GP's time', that's what GP's are employed to do! To listen to your health concerns. Please book an appointment and go.

AliciaMayEmory · 06/10/2016 19:28

OP, read back what you have written. If this was a friend talking what would you say to them?

Ego147 · 06/10/2016 19:28

I do "envy" (is that the right word?) people who seem really confident and don't care much about what other people think

You could be me. I am really self conscious and am constantly thinking I'm not good enough for what I do. It's really affected my career and life and I know I've made costly life mistakes in the past because of it.

I don't know if anti depressants are the answer. But therapy could be useful.

Bountybarsyuk · 06/10/2016 19:29

A good book on mindfulness with lots of helpful exercises is 'Finding Peace in a Frantic World' by Williams and someone else.

thestarryeyedsurprise · 06/10/2016 19:29

In all fairness I do think your DP is right and everything you have listed suggests an anxiety disorder. I have a very bad anxiety disorder which affects me even leaving the house and like you I 'envy' those who can just 'do' and get on with this and not stress. I had CBT which helped me immensely (until family bereavement made it come back) also they are some medications which ease the anxiety. Ultimately it's your decision, and if you feel that you can cope with your stresses and worries than that's completely your decision.

SpookyPotato · 06/10/2016 19:29

I don't feel anything like this, I don't worry much or stress about other people. It doesn't mean I don't care of course, just that I don't get anxious about their lives.. I don't care what people think of me. Neither does my partner. But I have felt similar to how you describe for a few months while I was on a hormonal contraceptive and it was exhausting. I personally don't think it's normal and that there must be a way of quietening your inner thoughts- I think it definitely can't hurt to have a chat with your GP.

WingsofNylon · 06/10/2016 19:30

You round just like I did before I sought help. It was heavenly to get support. Suddenly I realised what it felt like not to think constantly. It didn't make me care less about people or make me less thoughtful it just stopped the spiralling toughts and the worst of the nightmares.

I talked to my gp. Bought a book called something like the anxiety workbook and started ssirs. Best decision i ever made.

peachypips · 06/10/2016 19:31

If you had an anxiety disorder you'd know about it. When I am unmedicated I am filled with a constant feeling of terror and doom. I can't function- am in internal mental agony.
I think if you don't think you have an anxiety disorder then you don't!

peachypips · 06/10/2016 19:32

However- you sound like you might benefit from cbt or mindfulness training. Talking therapies would probably really work for you!

timeforachangeithink · 06/10/2016 19:36

I have an anxiety disorder and to be honest you sound like you do too, or at least borderline anxiety. My gp referred me for an online cbt course because I didn't want to take medication and it has helped a lot.