to think I don't have a disorder?

[CaptainObviousTwo]

Hi all, NC because my boss knows I'm on MN and I don't want to get the sack if it turns out IABU.

DP has been telling me more and more recently that I need to seek treatment for anxiety. He is convinced I have a severe anxiety disorder which can be addressed by the GP however I don't feel this at all and that most people think in the same way that I do.

I think constantly about other people's opinions and feelings, and everything I do is shaped around this; for example how I behave at work and how I interact with others. I often mess this up, however, so will worry that I've offended people or caused others problems which makes me concerned in the evenings and I'll spend a lot of time thinking about how I can fix it. Whenever I make mistakes at work (I'm in childcare) I get afraid I'm going to be sacked - but this happens A LOT in my industry, so not unfounded.
DP says this isn't normal for every day but surely this is just being conscientious of other people?

Whilst I don't have much concern for my own health, I do worry about my friend's and families' and will imagine worse case scenarios so that I can plan ahead if anything should happen. I'm known, jokingly, as "Apocalypse Woman" for this but basically I just like being prepared.

I'll admit that I am probably over-sensitive as I'll immediately think that people's bad moods or negative atmosphere is because of something I've done wrong, which I'm aware is really conceited of me - and I'm trying to address this.

I do have nightmares most nights and wake up with a lot of tension in my back and shoulders. I've taken to sleeping on the sofa so that I don't disturb DP with my fidgeting - he says this is another anxiety thing but my sleep has never been that great.

There are lots of little things that DP has bought up, but I don't want to irritate people with them!

In short, I think that everyone worries about most things they do each day and constantly feeling like there's something not quite right is just part of being an adult.
DP thinks this isn't the case (though he is very kind and thoughtful of others, so I'm not saying that he isn't considerate to others).
He got me to take a couple of online anxiety tests (example below) and tbf i rank in the high sections - but thinking and worrying are just every day things right?

Anyway, sorry for being so long and meandering, I'm probably not explaining myself very well at all!

AIBU to think that being aware of how your actions affect others is just part of being a nice person and doesn't mean I have a medical disorder?

example anxiety test

Sorry but yes you ARE anxious. I can't do a diagnosis over the Internet but the anxiety is bad enough to affect your daily life and force you to change what you do.
Eg: you don't go out too much because you know you will A LOT of time analysing and checking if you haven't upset someone.Yoou freeze and et out of breath when entering a new place
You a re sleeping on the sofa because you are worried to disturb your DP, even though he is saying it's not an issue.

As for not having time for therapy... Sorry but it's your health and your wellbeing. Up t you to make it a priority compare to other things, incl work and esp when you are juggling two jobs. If it means 2 hours less on your online businesses, then so be it. You won't get a medal for ut ting your health and MH last.

If you don't make time for yourself and your mental health then you WILL break. Please don't let that happen. Your partner sounds supportive. Let him take help and please please slow down.

IMO you should ask for help as you will make yourself ill. Your lifestyle and constant anxiety are not sustainable. I should know - I'm very like you.

In the meantime please remember that we are all equally deserving of happiness.

Yes you very obviously do have an anxiety disorder. Possibly OCD. I may seem blunt and it's really not meant to appear unkind. I am a fellow anxiety disorder sufferer.

I wouldn't know whether you have a disorder as such, but you sound terribly busy. If you are working long hours and not sleeping that well, maybe you are just not getting enough time to properly relax and switch off. Maybe you could try and add a few more opportunities to relax into your routine. Could your dh give you a nice neck / shoulder massage before bed to take the tension out? If you could have a deeper, more relaxing sleep it would probably help. And you definitely need to get off the sofa and back into the bed! Could you fit in some exercise as well, even just a brisk walk for 20 or 30 mins at some stage in the day might help you relax a bit more.

Just the bit about nightmares every night would make me of the opinion you need to go see your GP.

No I don't think what your describing is normal life If not anxiety it is certainly some level of over sensitivity and stress

The fact that you have always slept badly supports rather than undermines the idea that you have an anxiety disorder. I think you may well have one.

Feeling like you're making a fuss about nothing is often a characteristic of problematic patterns of anxiety, btw. You're not supposed to feel bad or worried or upset all the time.

I don't know how old you are, but you sound very like me when I was in my 20s and I identify a lot with what you say.

I don't know whether it's a disorder as such. I've found as I've gotten older I am less anxious but I just wonder if I have learnt to deal with it better. Getting a new job (in the same field but in a different place) with a decent boss helped sort the constant over worrying I would be sacked over small errors. If I am now find myself 'on the loop' as I call it (constantly worrying about something and unable to think of anything else) I realise there is actually something else stressing me out and I need to identify that and sort it out.

Thing is, it's incredibly tiring to maintain this level of consideration. If you don't want to see your GP (and I never did, thinking it was a waste of their time and they wouldn't understand) there are websites that offer CBT and this could help.

Zeeandra

My core contracted hours are 50 hours, this is completely normal for my job, with overtime (perhaps every other week?) it is about 58-60. My last job averaged 80 hours a week so I feel very lucky at the moment!

I don't "need" to do the degree, but I will lose my funding if I take a break so I just have to crack on with it really.

I'm not very successful at relaxing, I get very twitchy.
My Dad drilled into me when I was younger that every hour of my time was significant and should be used. I feel very very uncomfortable if I'm not being productive plus I'm an absolute sod for making hobbies into businesses - thus the two online ones!

Thank you for everyone's messages and support so far, I really appreciate it. I'm starting to see that it may not be quite normal.

I have an appointment at the GP tomorrow afternoon now and I've looked into online CBT which I may be able to get a referal for.

junior doctor? lorry driver? Who else has normal hours contracted so long.

You're allowed to love your dad no matter what, but not everything he told you is necessarily a good idea. Good luck.x

You sound exactly like me and I have GAD. I don't take meds for it though because I worry (yes I know!) that if I do then I will never be able to manage without them. But no that isn't a normal way to be and is disproportionate to day to day life.

You're allowed to love your dad no matter what actually ironically my Dad is not a nice man at all - very abusive. I stood up to him and he hasn't contacted me in almost 5 years now.

That's a worry I have about meds too, Starry I don't want to be dependant on anything.

yeOldeTrout Sorry, missed your first bit. I'm a Nanny.

Gosh, sorry to read that. All the more reason not to run your life according to your dad's values.

If you spend your time being kind, caring of others and working looong hours when do you spend time doing stuff just for you??
And ime being seen as a 'nice' person all the time means you are not being You, your true self, because everyone you come across will not be nice, every situation you find yourself in will not be good. Maintaining a false 'nice' front all the time can cause anxiety, it can be exhausting, acting a part 24/7.

sunnycoudyraining i have the same re me & DS, thought of me dying & him being alone (am single parent) - my doc has referred me to a talking therapy service. have no idea what it's going to be like, waiting for it to start. what do you think about speaking to your GP to see if it's an option for you? (I know how you feel - it's so bloody hard) OP you too, how about trying it?

I do think you have anxiety issues and it sounds like they are building.
You are overly busy with work/study and have no time to relax and chill out. You aren't sleeping because you aren't relaxed. The negative mindset you have with the catastrophic thinking is not allowing you to think positively about things.
CBT would help you address the negativity. Don't discount anti depressants or anti anxiety medication completely - discuss it with your GP, as they can be very helpful in the short term. It maybe that you find talking therapy helpful as it could help you unburden yourself with your worries.
I have GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder)and have had it for some time now. Initially I was very much like you - quite robotic rushing doing lots of work, never switching off, overly sensitive, not sleeping. I kept trying to do more and more, ignoring how I was feeling. I felt I was fine and coping well but others had noticed that I was very, very stressed. I ended up having 3 mths off work after I started having breathing issues, palpatations and panic attacks.
I manage it well now by talking about how I'm feeling if I'm stressed/anxious to sympathetic family friends, I listen to mindfulness CDs (like meditation) and I practise Yoga weekly. I also go running as exercise is good for improving your mental health.
You really can't help how you are feeling at the moment so just be kind to yourself. Try having a long relaxing bath with a magazine tonight. Maybe chat with your DP about what people have posted on here. Then have a frank chat with your GP tomorrow and listen to his/her suggestions.

Those hours are insane. They HAVE to give you time off though, they can't refuse.

I'm not very successful at relaxing, I get very twitchy.

I think this may be one of your core problems tbh. If you never relax and just be your body is always "on" and will start to overthink and stress. Relaxing is essential to good mental health.

My Dad drilled into me when I was younger that every hour of my time was significant and should be used.

You don't have to be working to be using your time significantly, that's utter bollocks.

I really do think you need a GP visit and to find a way to be able to actually relax before you break completely.

Do you think the businesses are a way of focussing so you can get away from anxious thoughts? I've no issue with people doing loads, I'm just thinking you wouldn't be the first person to be very busy in order to avoid anxiety.

salsamad is spot on and this I started having breathing issues, palpatations and panic attacks. or worse is what I fear may happen to you.

Just realised you are good, well done. You can be happier and it will come, just give it chance and take care of yourself. Let yourself relax. You can do a hobby for fun, it doesn't have to be earning money and have a deadline in order to validate it and make it "a significant use of time"

good = going to gp...

Haven't read all replies but sounds to me like you could deal with some cognitive behavioural therapy. To challenge your own thought processes to separate fact from opinion (bar that be someone else or your own)

Hope this helps xx

Op, you sound a lot like me. I've been like this pretty much all my life. I'm 43 now and only recently sought help for it after it reached a bit of a pinnacle recently.

I'm a natural over thinker, worrier and fretter. It's exhausting. I feel like my brain is constantly whirring round with irrational thoughts about what did happen, what could have happened and what may happen. It was really stopping me enjoying life to be honest.

I went to the GP and explained my feelings and they put me on Citalopram for anxiety. I have never felt depressed really.

I must say it has really helped. My head feels a lot clearer, I'm calmer, I'm not as stressed, don't get palpitations anymore and if I start worrying about something it literally is only fleetingly before its washed over me. Before I'd be analysing, fretting, googling, overthinking, worrying etc etc. I'm sleeping better and I feel happier than I've felt for a while.

Ah captain that is no way to live being so anxious all the time. Please speak to the doctor. I had a bout of anxiety a couple of years ago and it was horrendous. I still worry ably people dying so I can't rate there. Please speak to doc as there is help out there.