to think I don't have a disorder?

[CaptainObviousTwo]

Hi all, NC because my boss knows I'm on MN and I don't want to get the sack if it turns out IABU.

DP has been telling me more and more recently that I need to seek treatment for anxiety. He is convinced I have a severe anxiety disorder which can be addressed by the GP however I don't feel this at all and that most people think in the same way that I do.

I think constantly about other people's opinions and feelings, and everything I do is shaped around this; for example how I behave at work and how I interact with others. I often mess this up, however, so will worry that I've offended people or caused others problems which makes me concerned in the evenings and I'll spend a lot of time thinking about how I can fix it. Whenever I make mistakes at work (I'm in childcare) I get afraid I'm going to be sacked - but this happens A LOT in my industry, so not unfounded.
DP says this isn't normal for every day but surely this is just being conscientious of other people?

Whilst I don't have much concern for my own health, I do worry about my friend's and families' and will imagine worse case scenarios so that I can plan ahead if anything should happen. I'm known, jokingly, as "Apocalypse Woman" for this but basically I just like being prepared.

I'll admit that I am probably over-sensitive as I'll immediately think that people's bad moods or negative atmosphere is because of something I've done wrong, which I'm aware is really conceited of me - and I'm trying to address this.

I do have nightmares most nights and wake up with a lot of tension in my back and shoulders. I've taken to sleeping on the sofa so that I don't disturb DP with my fidgeting - he says this is another anxiety thing but my sleep has never been that great.

There are lots of little things that DP has bought up, but I don't want to irritate people with them!

In short, I think that everyone worries about most things they do each day and constantly feeling like there's something not quite right is just part of being an adult.
DP thinks this isn't the case (though he is very kind and thoughtful of others, so I'm not saying that he isn't considerate to others).
He got me to take a couple of online anxiety tests (example below) and tbf i rank in the high sections - but thinking and worrying are just every day things right?

Anyway, sorry for being so long and meandering, I'm probably not explaining myself very well at all!

AIBU to think that being aware of how your actions affect others is just part of being a nice person and doesn't mean I have a medical disorder?

example anxiety test

I'm not sure I'd have time for therapy to be honest, I work 50 hours a week (I can't get time off) in my normal job and also run two online businesses on the side so working hours are out which is when most therapy is? I also am doing a PT degree with the OU so I don't want to ram too much in.

Most people care about other's feelings, but understand that saying about not being able to keep all the people happy all the time. That is, it's nice if everything you do meets with universal approval but realistically it won't, and that's OK and it doesn't mean that people won't still like you.

The online cbt i did was max 1 hour per week. You have a few little projects to do but they don't really take any time it's just noting your thoughts and analysing them.

Thank you again for all the replies. I think I'm going to have to accept that maybe IABU if almost everyone else thinks so! Will find out from DP how to book an appointment with Drs (we've recently changed practices)

It sounds unhealthy OP, & a source of problems & unhappiness in your life.
Your DP is saying it affects him negatively, too.

What do you gain by being so anxious? What comfort does it bring you?

If you don't want to go to the gp you can buy the online course https://www.thewellnessshop.co.uk/index.php?route=product/category&path=86

Sounds like you've got too much on Captain. Id be stressed doing what you do, it's a lot!

Captain - sounds like you have far too much on your plate, and no wonder you are anxious! Do you need to do all of that right now?

Im sorry sweetie, it does sound like you have anxiety. I have it too. If it builds up over a long time its easy to get used to it, and your coping mechanisms, and not notice just how negatively its affecting your life because you have forgotten what it feels like not to be anxious.

There are a lot of options for treatment - meds, counselling, self help books, online cbt.

I agree with pp that you do sound anxious as a person, and that to be classed as a disorder it would need to be affecting your life and/or causing distress. Do you feel that this is the case?

CBT can help examine problematic ways of thinking and give strategies for getting out of them, I find it helpful, even if it just makes me more aware of what I'm thInking and what leads to me feeling anxious

OP, I agree with your DP.

Have you considered therapy?

I work 50 hours a week (I can't get time off) in my normal job and also run two online businesses on the side so working hours are out which is when most therapy is? I also am doing a PT degree with the OU so I don't want to ram too much in.

50 hours a week is absolutely insane, as is running two online businesses AND an OU degree? I'm exhausted just reading it.

You do sound very anxious and it all sounds very unhealthy. The first thing you can do to help you sleep better and switch your brain off is probably CUT DOWN THAT WORKLOAD. Seriously I cannot see ANY reason why one person needs to do so much.

Some questions to ask yourself.
Are you trying to distract yourself from worrying by constantly doing things?
Do you think people will like you better if you do everything for everyone?
Why do you need to work 50 hours a week?
Is there really NO ONE else who could do some of these overtime hours?
If you work so many hours a week why on earth do you need to also run two businesses?
Are you studying for your career or for fun? Could you pause it a little to give yourself some breathing room?

Work HAVE to give you time off, it's a legal requirement. They also CANNOT make you work more than 48 hours a week unless you are in a 24 hour a day coverage emergency services NHS type job when you have to physically state that you will allow them to give you work over that amount.
www.gov.uk/maximum-weekly-working-hours/overview

I think if you stop trying to be superwoman and give yourself some down time you may find some of your anxiety eases. You would probably also benefit from an online CBT course to help you refocus your negative thinking.

I would recommend a trip to the GP though and ask about CBT. Take your DP, be honest about how much you panic and worry and be honest about your stupid workload.

It's not the anxiety alone, but your focus is constantly externalised, i.e. worrying about how you come across / seeing yourself from other people's perspectives instead of your own / concerned about being judged / more preoccupied about others' wellbeing and not your own. Where are you in all of this? And who are you? Do you know yourself rather than trying to know yourself through others' perceptions of you?

This is what the therapy would be for, imo. The anxiety is a symptom of this.

OP, I'm afraid you do sound way beyond how others usually live/feel. I agree with your DP.

Just seen your next post, I agree with others that you are doing too much- that would cause most people a lot of stress! I still think your intrusive and worrying thoughts aren't normal though, and being unhappy most of the time is not right. Life is short OP, ask for help!

OP so much of what you do was me before I had DS Then i exploded in anxiety and had PNA. After meds (weening off now) and CBT I realise I have always been anxious, especially about having upset people. CBT has helped me separate what is me and what is my anxiety. I have OCD, not the wash your hands type but the obsessive thinking and worrying type. I think you should try CBT as a journey of self discovery. I am a work in process but am aware of myself and my anxiety now. Good Luck.

I wouldn't bother with the GP if you can afford £50 a week for private counselling.

You definitely have anxiety issues and I expect counselling would help but the NHS has massive waiting lists and you only get a few sessions.

There are loads of private counsellors. Try the BACP Register of Counsellors & Psychotherapists

I think we sound quite similar.

I did seek help from th GP because it became overwhelming for me. I also did take some anxiety meds for a short time (1yr) and had some CBT. Both helped me tremendously.

I sometimes still slip into the cycle of over analysing things but thanks to CBT I can now consciously stop myself, otherwise it is exhausting and time consuming!

I think you would benefit and it would not be a waste of GP time. Adapting your behaviour as much as you say you do and analysing conversations and scenarios that much is not healthy for you. It doesn't mean you can't be empathetic though, that is a really amazing quality but channel it the right way. 😊

Captain, I think your DP has a point. You are well beyond the bounds of what I would class as "normal" anxiety, and it is negatively constricting and affecting your life in several significant ways.

You are also doing way, way, WAY too much. Please consider Zeeandra's questions. I am 99% sure you will come back with some variation on "you don't understand I have to do all of this because XYZ". But you don't. You really, really don't. You do all of this because, on some level, being desperately overstretched and wound to the breaking point is your comfort zone, and because you don't believe that you're enough when you're just being. Without changes, eventually your physical health will break down and it'll be out of your hands. Don't wait until then.

Therapy would be a much more productive use of your time right now than an OU degree or a SECOND side business.

I think honestly you do sound very anxious and the constant comparing to others or worrying about other people doesn't sound healthy. CBT is amazing for this. Please go and see your GP.

If you are quite time limited, have a look at the Headspace app which only takes a few minutes a day. Also Moodgym is an online CBT - I found the first sections where I realised how many of my thoughts (yes, constant comparing and worst case scenarios) were not normal at all completely mindblowing.

Your GP will be more than happy to see you - and I know loads of GPs who use things like Headspace themselves.

You sound like you have a generalised anxiety disorder. It is not normal to ruminate to the extent you are. If you are worrying about people and them getting ill on a daily basis that is normal. If you are dissecting every conversation you have or every bit of work you that is not normal. If you can not switch off from your work when you get home and relax that is not normal.

Your GP is there for this kind of stuff. If you leave this and something stressful happens I am not sure you will have the ability to handle it as your stress levels are already quite high IMO.

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive how did you change it?

OP I have bouts of anxiety but they sound a lot different than yours. However you sound like you're minimising. Does that seem possible?

Also noticed this in your post " last time I went (for something else) I mentioned a few things on DPs request and GP immediately prescribed me anti-depressants which is a waste of NHS resources."

Depression and anxiety are considered to be two sides of the coin so medication for depression could help your anxiety, why do you think that's a waste of resources?

If the majority of your time is spent over thinking situations, being concerned, going over stuff in your head - then it is time to do something about it. A sign is when you just can't switch off. If you can't switch off - take a break, and leave work at work, you should try talk to your GP. You are not wasting their time - they are not just there for physical illnesses...

Killing yourself with work is a good way to develop a mental health problem. We aren't superheroes. Need downtime. Overwork can make almost anyone go loopy.