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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if it's bonkers to have a baby and toddler in a 1 bed flat.

127 replies

jessica29054 · 06/10/2016 18:49

It probably is bonkers.

DH has a flat and tried to sell it but no takers. We were thinking about renting it out but in all honesty the best solution would probably be to rent our current property out and move into the flat. This would undoubtedly be the most cost effective thing to do.

However, we have one under-one and hope to add to our family at some point soon, probably in around 2018.

So - is it nuts?

OP posts:
SpookyPotato · 07/10/2016 15:00

It depends what kind of people you are I think. We are doing the same at the moment and it's fine, we are very easy going and try and make the best of everything.. We know it's not forever. Me and DP get on really well but still have seperate areas to give each other space. We put a sofa bed in the living room so there is an option of another bed, and baby can sleep in a cot next to that if they're disturbing the others. It helps that we have tons of storage too! I didn't want to halt having a second child while waiting for a bigger space.

SpookyPotato · 07/10/2016 15:03

Forgot to add- OP from your posts you seem like a positive person who will cope fine with it.

DetailedConfusion · 07/10/2016 18:52

Under the room standard, a couple with a boy and a girl aged under the age of 10 in a one bedroom flat are not overcrowded

Under the room standard, a couple with 9 children under the age of 10 in a one bedroom flat is not overcrowded either.

Worth bearing in mind before you apply the room standard as a benchmark.

Original poster
jessica29054 · 07/10/2016 18:59

We aren't having nine children, worry not :) Just two!

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 07/10/2016 19:11

Detailed
Actually there are two criteria for overcrowding, the "room standard" and the "space standard". So 2 adults and 9 children under 10 in a 1 bedroom flat would most definitely meet the legal definition.
m.england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/repairs_and_bad_conditions/common_problems/overcrowding

AnotherVeryQuickQuestion · 07/10/2016 19:14

Artandco that made me smile - the bit about all of you sleeping in the same room with two empty rooms. I think that's lovely and there's something natural and satisfying about that idea.

I'm interested in how you achieve it logistically though. Who sleeps where? Who wakes first and do they wake everyone else? That sort of thing. None of my business I know, but if it's nothing to you, I'd love to know as I thinks it's such a nice idea!

NameChange30 · 07/10/2016 19:15

(I've just re-read your post and realised you probably already know what I pointed out, since you specifically referred to the room standard. Sorry! Essentially I think we are agreeing that the room standard isn't the only measure.)

NameChange30 · 07/10/2016 19:16

Cross post, my last post was to Detailed.)

Essexgirlupnorth · 07/10/2016 19:49

My friend has year old twins in a one bedroom flat. She didn't got back to work after Maternity leave as wasn't cost effective so they can't afford to move. Not ideal but I'm sure many people manage it.

Artandco · 07/10/2016 20:13

Another - we have a super king bed and bunks in one room. Everyone technically has own bed, but like a said usually the children sleep in the bottom bunk together or or pile in our bed. Whoever wakes can either turn lamp on ( everyone has dim lamp near own bed ) a read quietly, or they go into living area and do whatever they fancy. Living area is large enough everyone can be doing own thing and not in each other's way, it has seating area for 6, dining table and chairs, breakfast bar in kitchen area, and a small desk. There's a small desk area in bedroom also

HyacinthFuckit · 07/10/2016 20:18

If you were going to do it, I'd be sure that was the best/only option available to me and have a very detailed plan about how to make it work. I'd also try not to make that call until I had a realistic idea of what toddlers are like. May I ask how old you are OP? If you have time on your side, you could wait until your older child is free hours age before trying. Maybe take them out of the full time place they're in now and just do the free hours while you're on ML? And time it so by the time you go back they're at school? I realise you're in London so actually accessing the provision might be easier said than done, but if it's doable it would be worth thinking about.

And if you are going to do this, think about how you'll make it work. If both are in FT childcare during the week, that does make it easier. but think about what you will do at weekends and also on ML. Is there a lot that's cheap or free locally? If not, that's going to need budgeting for. You'll not fancy a 4 year old and 18 month old going deranged in a small flat, I can assure you. Plan how you're going to get them out and tire them!

QueenLizIII · 07/10/2016 20:24

This thread in unanimous YANBU

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2750643-To-think-that-this-couple-should-put-their-children-first

How bizarre. I wonder are they related.

Artandco · 07/10/2016 20:31

Saw that thread, couldn't Be arsed to repeat myself

My children obviously live a terrible terrible life according to most on here. Ds1 is currently living a terrible life curled up reading a book in bed ( but won't have the door closed as will be lonely), ds2 is making a load of mess with dh making popcorn in the kitchen, I darent look!

BlurtonOnKites4eva · 07/10/2016 20:41

We live in a tiny one bed with a toddler. Space wise it's okay, doesn't feel claustrophobic to us because that's what we are used to.

We are actually moving into a two bed next week, but more because it's got a garden and our current flat is damp. We could actually afford to rent a 3 bed terrace in the same area but we'd rather have a really nice flat with a big communal garden.

I think it'd be doable with 2 littlies though in our current flat if it wasn't damp and generally a shit flat. I have friends who have 3 school age kids in a 2 bed flat.

It's just what your used to and you do what you have to do. You have to really control the amount of shite coming in when you're in a smaller space.

Original poster
jessica29054 · 07/10/2016 22:59

What was the deleted thread about?

We'd still struggle for childcare for two with free hours to be honest.

OP posts:
QueenLizIII · 07/10/2016 23:15

The deleted thread was woman who is struggling to conceive being judgemental about her friends having a second child while living in a one bed flat.

Coincidence with this one.

Original poster
jessica29054 · 07/10/2016 23:45

Hmm, how strange!

OP posts:
BlurtonOnKites4eva · 08/10/2016 00:43

*Artandco
*
When I was pregnant and shitting myself about our living arrangements I remember reading one of your posts about your set up and it really made me more positive about our situation Smile you also said you had a babyzen yoyo which we ended up getting.

Sorry for being a creep, I never normally remember posters on mumsnet!

HyacinthFuckit · 08/10/2016 07:26

OP I was meaning that if you can space it right, you might never actually need full time childcare for two, even with free hours thrown in. That is, if you delay a little while. But obviously depends on your age and what you know about your fertility.

user1461609321 · 22/05/2018 19:28

Place marking

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 23/05/2018 04:53

usermillionnumbers don't what your place marking for its a zombie thread.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 23/05/2018 05:10

I LOVED living in our one bed flat and miss it a lot (we had to move due to work).

However, it was ground floor so we had access to a small garden, and as it was a converted Victorian terrace the two main rooms (living room and bedroom) were enormous with very high ceilings.

There was also a huge hallway where the staircase would have been which served as an extra space too and a large cupboard (which I sometimes slept in if I needed some peace and quiet!)

Pengggwn · 23/05/2018 07:01

It will be a struggle, but there are no rights or wrongs about it. You do what you need to do, don't you?

superzoomer · 23/05/2018 07:57

Funny seeing that positive post about artandco considering she turned out to be a weird troll

Mammyloveswine · 23/05/2018 08:39

God I've got a (admittedly small) 3 bed semi and were a family of 4 and it feels too small! The thought of us all living in a flat... with one bedroom! Urgh!

Why not wait another year before ttc? Then dc1 will be almost 3 when new sibling arrives and then eligible for 30 hours childcare by the time you go back to work?

Does the flat have a garden? My toddler needs to run around and it's honestly a must have eith two children!