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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if it's bonkers to have a baby and toddler in a 1 bed flat.

127 replies

jessica29054 · 06/10/2016 18:49

It probably is bonkers.

DH has a flat and tried to sell it but no takers. We were thinking about renting it out but in all honesty the best solution would probably be to rent our current property out and move into the flat. This would undoubtedly be the most cost effective thing to do.

However, we have one under-one and hope to add to our family at some point soon, probably in around 2018.

So - is it nuts?

OP posts:

HamsterTastic · 06/10/2016 19:39

You're not obligated to only have sex in your bed and if you've got a baby there anyway- it's the same issue

Artandco · 06/10/2016 19:39

We don't have any plastic crap either

sparklefarts · 06/10/2016 19:41

Unknown you don't have to have sex in bed but it's way more comfy!

PandoNoPants · 06/10/2016 19:53

I had a large, 1 bed, Victorian conversion. High ceilings, very spacious. DS was unplanned and DD was too!

We lived there for a year after DD was born (took ages to sell and I had to extend the lease back to 99 years).

I didn't mind it tbh. I converted the lounge at night (sofa bed) but I also had a conservatory to house toy boxes etc. I used to put DD down for naps in the main bedroom during the day and she slept with me in the lounge at night (didn't want to disturb anyone whilst doing night feeds etc)

When I moved into my 4 bed, I actually felt a bit lost!

So I'd say it is possible. However, could you not sell your current place, rent out the flat in order to get something a little bigger? I moved from London to get more for my money. Appreciate that's not everyone's cup of tea to move far from home and I did sacrifice a lot.

DS was 3 and DD was 1 when I moved. I think it would be harder the older they get.

Original poster

jessica29054 · 06/10/2016 20:05

I'm not sure it would be horrendous. Not ideal DEFINITELY but I don't see it as awful as some seem to think it would be.

Flat is - lounge and bedroom (similar in size) tiny kitchen, average bathroom, and a small hall.

I think probably the kids would share the bedroom and we'd have the sofa bed but it would depend really on how it panned out.

Wouldn't want to be there when they are school age but not getting the horror for preschool children.

OP posts:

lucyandpoppy123 · 06/10/2016 20:08

We are in a similar situation, we live in a tiny 2 bedroom flat with 17 month old DD, we moved here when she was about 6 months old. We currently all sleep in the 1 bedroom and use the second bedroom for storage. There are some major downsides;

no garden! This wasn't as big of a deal when we first moved and DD wasn't very mobile but now we have a toddler bounding around it would be so useful to have some outside space to let her tear around in, also help stop me feeling trapped in as to leave the house and get any fresh air I need to get myself and DD dressed and in the pram and it can take a long time and be stressful whereas if we had a garden could just open the back door and we're done.
need to be fairly minimalist unless you have other storage.
depending on how big the rooms are, storage space etc it does get very messy very quickly and we are always bumping into/ tripping over things.
if flat isn't on the ground floor then need to think about access e.g today we couldn't go out as the lift was broken.
We are lucky to have pretty quiet neighbours but you can hear everything e.g cupboards opening, walking around, talking from other flats and they can hear you.

All in all, we are looking to move out in the near future, it is mainly the lack of garden that bothers me and also the access issues being several floors up. The small space I could deal with

Original poster

jessica29054 · 06/10/2016 20:10

There's no lift. It's more like a big three story house with apartments on each floor - it's not like a tower block. The flat is on the middle floor.

OP posts:

Notso · 06/10/2016 20:14

I couldn't do it. I like my own space and so do my husband and children. The kids like having lots of friends over and DH and I often invite lots of our friends and family over.
My children don't have loads of 'plastic crap' but they do have toys that they love and enjoy playing with and they need space to store it and play with it.
My sister lives with her DP and two young DC in a tiny two (and a bathroom) up and two down. They have good storage and minimal 'things' but I feel stressed out when we visit, everyone is just on top of each other.
Once the kids start building a big train track in the front room, my DH and her DP both over 6 ft watching the football taking up the sofas, it soon feels claustrophobic. I only try to visit when I know the weather is going to be good enough for us all to go out.

lucyandpoppy123 · 06/10/2016 20:14

Ah right, sounds similar to our last flat. Would you be getting the pushchair and baby up and down the stairs? Or do you have a car you could store the pushchair in? How do you feel you would cope without a garden (assuming there isn't a communal one)?

Original poster

jessica29054 · 06/10/2016 20:15

Yeah but did they have friends over when they were two, Notso?

We'd keep the pram in the car.

Never go in the garden anyway really

OP posts:

Artandco · 06/10/2016 20:21

We have lots of friends over in our flat, dinner parties etc. It might only have one bedroom but the living area is spacious and we have a large open plan l shaped kitchen, diner, living. The dining table can seat 8

Artandco · 06/10/2016 20:21

also have outside have outside space here ( roof terrace)

Original poster

jessica29054 · 06/10/2016 20:23

Ours is a lot smaller, it must be said

OP posts:

Lalunya85 · 06/10/2016 20:24

U was upset worry about the sleeping arrangements. As OP has said, Kia can share a room and adults sleep in the living room.

BUT: I can't imagine my toddler (2.8) surviving a winter in a small place like that. Kids get sick and can't always go out, so you might be stuck indoors with a baby and a toddler for many weekends during the winter months. My kids would be a total nightmare I'd they didn't have some space to move and let off some steam.
And think about storage?

So, the flat is spacious, I think you'll be fine for a couple of years. Otherwise maybe look for something bigger when you get pregnant with no 2?

Lalunya85 · 06/10/2016 20:25

*if

Shiftymake · 06/10/2016 20:30

We live in a small space, without a garden and for one, the garden is truly missed! Second, the charity shops locally get a lot of stuff as we are limited with storage although we do have some fortunately, but they are packed to the top and you would be lucky to get a pencil in there. And third, there is no where but the bathroom to be alone in. I like my alone time but if I'm in too long dh gets worried :P and last, we need to think and re-thing everything needed to ensure there is space enough, we have light colored (white with small kids is great! Loads of paint has gone to cover up) and slim-lined furniture to ensure a bigger room feeling.

Lalunya85 · 06/10/2016 20:35

OP I think it would so really tough. You say your DC is almost one? Walking?
I think babies are deceptive space saving. Toddlers on the other hand really need a lot of space. And yes, my son is 2 and has a lot of friends over, and again, they need a lot of space otherwise they go a bit mental. Or maybe that's just my boy??

So in my view it's not so much the 2 kids that would be the issue, it's the toddlerhood stage... I know i would go nuts.

OutsSelf · 06/10/2016 20:35

We are living four of us in a flat like that. We are in a London HA and as a PP said, you are not considered overcrowded in London until one of the kids is 9. My two are 5 and 3. We go out a lot and keep stuff to a minimum. It's not ideal but it's actually fine. IME children won't go off and play in their own for an extended amount of time til they are 4/5 anyway so for all the extra room they are going to be at your feet for a good amount of to.e anyway.

If I was you, I'd do it for as long as possible to save the money for when you need more space.

DinosaursRoar · 06/10/2016 20:39

Is a compromise more affordable? As in, rent out both properties and then rent a larger flat /small house somewhere else. (ideally in a cheaper area if that's possible).

DinosaursRoar · 06/10/2016 20:45

Oh and OP - preschoolers - as in 2/3/4 year olds do need a lot of space to run about, make a mess, their toys are bigger and have more bits (that a younger sibling might ruin!).

But you said it's to afford childcare - will both DC be in full time childcare Monday - Friday? In that case, it might be a lot more possible as you'll only have 2 days a week when you are doing the full day at home and can get out more often/get by with less toys/craft stuff etc.

Artandco · 06/10/2016 21:00

Yes children need space to run about, but that's not inside a home in my opinion. I wouldn't allow mine to run about inside. A) flat below would noise b) they would likely run into furniture and hurt themselves c) even a large home isn't space for children to run about

It's easy for us to just take them outside to run about. Today they finished school and spent 3.45-5.45 in park playing. Then dh took them straight from park for a quick swim. By the time they were home for the first time since this morning it was 7.15pm and just enough time to all eat and do homework, draw a picture at table, then off to bed. They aren't at home cooped up unable to stretch

Notso · 06/10/2016 21:18

I invited parents with their children from playgroup/toddlers when they were two so yes I guess jessica

Original poster

jessica29054 · 06/10/2016 21:20

Fair enough :)

OP posts:

NickyEds · 06/10/2016 21:22

Yes Artandco but I'm not convinced that 2 hours in the park would be that much fun with a 6 month old and a 3 year old in the pissing rain....or when it's 3 degrees out, especially if you were on mat leave so had to entertain them all day.

I don't think it's horrific op but I think it would be hard. I think the living space is more important than the number of bedrooms. We had 2 generous bedrooms when ds was born and could comfortably have managed with one but downstairs we had a tiny (and I mean tiny!)kitchen and a big ish living room. It was a pain in the arse having to have the dining table in the living room, coming in soaking wet and having to collapse the buggy and put it away all of the time, wet boots in the living room etc, compromising on stuff that would have made our lives easier. Could you rent out both your properties as a pp suggests, and rent somewhere a bit bigger and cover your childcare?

Original poster

jessica29054 · 06/10/2016 21:25

Problem is we wouldn't save much.

It's rubbish really - wanting a second child but can't afford it!

OP posts:

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