Sitting on the sofa at my parents' house.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news, I say. You know all those operations I had? Well, we have found out that because of what as happened I'm probably infertile".
"Did they actually say that?" asks mum.
"Yes, because there is too much scarring from the operations", I say, starting to cry a little bit.
"Have you been trying?" asks dad, in surprise.
"Yes" I say "that's how we know".
There is a long silence.
"I'm sorry" I say in the end.
"There are worse things that can happen, you know" says Dad. "A lot worse. A lot of people have it worse.
You need to count your blessings."
"Never mind" says Mum, with finality in her tone. "You have things to do, like your allotment."
Silence.
"Having children is not an easy decision" says Mum. "You're crying now, but if you had children, you'd just cry about that instead. I brought you back from the hospital, this lovely, tiny little baby and I cried because I was so terrified".
"That's right" says my dad, "having children. Isn't an easy option. It might not be right for you anyway, you're not really maternal. You have DH."
"I'm worried" says DH"I'm at work a lot now and not around much to support. She's on her own a lot".
"You're role is to support your DH. He has a high-flying job. You can help out around the house" says Dad. "You are a team. Doing the washing is really important."
"You should go out" says Mum.
"There's not much to do in the day" I say. "Everyone is either working or in Mum and baby groups. She says I can work at a charity shop.
"So many birds in the garden" says DH - they are all trying to distract now because I am now crying harder and wrestling with tissues.
"Yes, there are lots of collared doves" says Mum. "When we moved in they were rare, but now there are loads. They don't go out the front of the house, though, so people out there in the street don't know what they are. Ben came over once and was really surprised at them" (opens arms in show of surprise).
Dad comes in with coffee.
"Look at our lovely coffee pot" says Mum. "Your sister has one too, only hers is bigger and can make more cups. It cost forty pounds but it has been worth it".
Then Mum says "Life is tough, you only get glimmers of good times then big blows, like cancer. Get used to it."
"It's good to have a good cry, though."
My Dad comes in brandishing a computer "Look at my nature videos" he says.
We watch 34 of them while everyone pretends I'm not crying. At no point does anyone give me a hug or even touch me. I have never felt so alone.
Shortly after this, I make my excuses and leave.