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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be utterly upset with my sons friend/neighbour?

106 replies

parry45 · 02/10/2016 20:37

So my sons best friend lives across the road from us. His mum works different hours, and quite often( maybe 2-3 times a week) he stays with us for an hour or 2 whilst she goes to work. Never a problem as he keeps my son occupied and they enjoy playing together. I even offered to pick him up from school any day as sometimes she's stuck and I'm picking my children up anyway. So....today she has shouted at my son as he knocked on the door to call for the friend at 12.30 this afternoon and she was sleeping. She has now said that he is not allowed to knock for friend anymore as his times are the wrong times and he's not even allowed in the garden. They went out, I looked over and yes...he was waiting outside the garden gate!. Aibu to be so annoyed about this to the point I feel I need to say something given the amount of time i have her son for her? He's around our house every day after school and like I said I also look after him too. My son is upset as he is confused by the whole thing and thinks he's done something wrong?

OP posts:
RhodaBull · 03/10/2016 09:51

Otoh I knew parents who wouldn't have their dcs' friends in the house because their house was so pristine .

RhodaBull · 03/10/2016 09:54

I agree with InTheseFlipFlops - if your ds wants to play with his friend, then that's fine if it suits you for him to come round. But no more picking up from school, which is for her benefit. Some people just don't get taking turns, they just do the taking bit.

NynaevesSister · 03/10/2016 10:00

I would do it just on a having a chat with her about it. You son is really upset. Had he been told not to know before? If not then it is really strange for anyone to yell at a child for doing something quite normal.

yumyumpoppycat · 03/10/2016 10:11

Agree with others do what suits you wrt having the boys hang out at yours - it's not their fault. Don't expect anything back - I prob wouldnt want my son to go to their house anyway if that is a reflection of how she is. Maybe have a chat though as possibly she had something bothering her at the time and now she realises she was rude and feels crap about it.

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 03/10/2016 10:12

I feel sorry for the child, but I get the impression that the neighbour sees OP as free childcare.

RabbitsNap01 · 03/10/2016 10:25

i wouldn't mind the childcare if it was really no skin off my nose, but I'd be cross about the mum shouting at my DS, you expect people you're doing favours for to at least not shout at your DC!

Original poster
parry45 · 03/10/2016 12:03

Lots of mixed replies. Thanks ladies. In these flip-flops and rabitnaps that's how I feel really. It's really no problem ds friend being here, it never has been. They are good as gold and I wouldn't not have him round out of spite to his mother. Yumyumpoppycat, no its not thier fault and they are great friends. I will see what she says later, but as a few others have said, I don't want ds around there anyway now. They are welcome here and at least I know they are safe and happy and not being shouted at.

OP posts:
a7mints · 03/10/2016 12:27

I think she's a hooker

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/10/2016 12:31

what Blu said

deep breathe, and SAY IT, and if needs be rehearse it

I knows it hard to challenge people, but that's a perfect way to be assertive and non confrontational

Snowflakes1122 · 03/10/2016 12:42

Yanbu. And you give her free childcare?!

Sunshineonacloudyday · 03/10/2016 14:02

I think that is a sensible way to approach this. Good luck op. Smile

Original poster
parry45 · 03/10/2016 21:17

Hi everyone. So I went over to neighbours earlier. She said she shouted at ds as he keeps knocking at inconvenient times! 12.30, they were having lunch although ds friend said she was sleeping. She said he knocks at all the wrong times, ie tea time, homework time or when they are getting ready to go out! How is he suppose to know that? It got a little heated so I said fair enough if that's how you want to be. I'm not happy as all you had to do was say this or message me to let me know what times are unsuitable etc, rather than shout at ds. As i was walking off she said she shouldn't have to so that's where it's at.

OP posts:
SpartaCarcass · 03/10/2016 21:33

Oh selfish cow!!! It's all about her.

Good on you for going over and being adult. She sounds like a stroppy child.

Like others have said - cut her out of everything. Do no favours for her but let your son play with the lad if your son wants. But let your son know this as well - you're on his side.
Grrr - ungrateful rude woman!!!

RabbitsNap01 · 03/10/2016 21:34

She really sounds like a horrible woman parry, it's hard to know what to do that isn't going to end up being a punishment for her ds and not his vile freeloading mum

Original poster
parry45 · 03/10/2016 21:45

Feel better for saying something.... even though shes been an ignorant cow!

OP posts:
Offline · 03/10/2016 21:49

Haha, talk about shooting yourself in the foot!
Next time she texts or calls to ask you to collect her DS shout or text back WRONG TIME!

Starlight234 · 03/10/2016 21:58

what offline said

Dinosauratemypudding · 03/10/2016 22:05

Shock what cheek! Can't your ds and friend just play in the street together, or at your house? Why do you have to keep feeding him aand looking after him? Surely they'll still see eachother and be friends without you doing all of that?

PoppyPicklesPenguin · 03/10/2016 22:05

So many threads about "friends" acting like this, what is wrong with these people!!!

She sounds awful!

HarryPottersMagicWand · 03/10/2016 22:20

You really need to stop having her child over. If they have to play, ,they can play in the street. If he has to go to work, tough, it's not your problem. You will look like a utter doormat after this if you continue to have him over and pick him up from school. She is being utterly ridiculous about your child knocking on her door at perfectly reasonable times. Don't be a push over.

KC225 · 03/10/2016 22:55

Good for you OP for knocking and talking to her. She is being unreasonable, 12.30 teatime and homework time - hardly 6 in the morning or after dark. She should have spoken to you not shouted at your DS. Agree with the others you do not have to stop the boys from playing but stop the favours, stop babysitting and collecting him from school. She will be brazen enough to ask soon enough but remain strong.

IhatchedaSnorlax · 03/10/2016 22:58

Good for you Op, she really is ignorant.

MissMoo22 · 03/10/2016 22:59

How lovely of her to react like that when you spoke to her! I would have hoped she had calmed down by then and could have said 'I have a lie in til X o clock and we eat at X times each day so if he could avoid knocking then' or something but wow, her response was just rude. I would make it clear to her son that he is still welcome in your home (if that's what you want) but that when his Mum is at work you won't be able to have him over.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/10/2016 09:30

ah well done OP! she is a cunt, and know you know. NO MORE FAVOURS

that said, its a sham,e as now it kight affect your DS friendship

but the alternative was to have a grinding resentment all the time

so you had to find out

JerryFerry · 04/10/2016 09:37

Horrible of her, poor you!
I'm afraid I'd want a v long break from her. The boys can play together at school but no more play dates, you need to minimise contact with her.