AIBU to be utterly upset with my sons friend/neighbour?

[parry45]

So my sons best friend lives across the road from us. His mum works different hours, and quite often( maybe 2-3 times a week) he stays with us for an hour or 2 whilst she goes to work. Never a problem as he keeps my son occupied and they enjoy playing together. I even offered to pick him up from school any day as sometimes she's stuck and I'm picking my children up anyway. So....today she has shouted at my son as he knocked on the door to call for the friend at 12.30 this afternoon and she was sleeping. She has now said that he is not allowed to knock for friend anymore as his times are the wrong times and he's not even allowed in the garden. They went out, I looked over and yes...he was waiting outside the garden gate!. Aibu to be so annoyed about this to the point I feel I need to say something given the amount of time i have her son for her? He's around our house every day after school and like I said I also look after him too. My son is upset as he is confused by the whole thing and thinks he's done something wrong?

[CorkieD]

I'm sorry you have had to deal with such an ungrateful and selfish neightbour, parry45.

However, I can only marvel at her stupidity for treating you in such a fashion when she really was on to such a good thing with free childcare etc.

[Mistletoekids]

Good for you!

From now on I would have him over but
-no more pick ups
-send him home for mealtimes

[rollonthesummer]

Will you still be having her child over? I wouldn't.

[SquinkiesRule]

Silly woman she's burning bridges isn't she. I wouldn't babysit any more, I'd also stop saying yes when the child wants to stay. The boys can play outside only and my Ds wouldn't be allowed to go over there again, if kid wants to play he can come knock at yours and outdoors with no meals.

[KindDogsTail]

Well done.

It's not you it's her.

It will be interesting to see if she still dares ask you to look after her son!

[Ginmummy1]

Good on you for having a conversation with her, but I'm not clear how it lies at the moment. Have you told her that you're no longer able to offer free childcare while she's at work?

All that seems to come out of the conversation is that your son is now less able to call on her son, yet I haven't heard anything to suggest that the 'arrangement' has changed?

Obviously the boys are friends and you are happy to have her son round, but perhaps now it's time to offer just to have him round when she's next door? Perhaps give a reason such as the fact that you wouldn't want to be 'responsible' for him while his parents are unavailable in the event of a crisis, as you don't have any employment relationship with her.

Perhaps then offer to change the arrangement so you are 'responsible', perhaps at the rate of £10 per hour (plus the cost of feeding him).

This would seem entirely reasonable!

[JerryFerry]

Horrible of her, poor you!
I'm afraid I'd want a v long break from her. The boys can play together at school but no more play dates, you need to minimise contact with her.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

ah well done OP! she is a cunt, and know you know. NO MORE FAVOURS

that said, its a sham,e as now it kight affect your DS friendship

but the alternative was to have a grinding resentment all the time

so you had to find out

[MissMoo22]

How lovely of her to react like that when you spoke to her! I would have hoped she had calmed down by then and could have said 'I have a lie in til X o clock and we eat at X times each day so if he could avoid knocking then' or something but wow, her response was just rude. I would make it clear to her son that he is still welcome in your home (if that's what you want) but that when his Mum is at work you won't be able to have him over.

[IhatchedaSnorlax]

Good for you Op, she really is ignorant.

[KC225]

Good for you OP for knocking and talking to her. She is being unreasonable, 12.30 teatime and homework time - hardly 6 in the morning or after dark. She should have spoken to you not shouted at your DS. Agree with the others you do not have to stop the boys from playing but stop the favours, stop babysitting and collecting him from school. She will be brazen enough to ask soon enough but remain strong.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

You really need to stop having her child over. If they have to play, ,they can play in the street. If he has to go to work, tough, it's not your problem. You will look like a utter doormat after this if you continue to have him over and pick him up from school. She is being utterly ridiculous about your child knocking on her door at perfectly reasonable times. Don't be a push over.

[PoppyPicklesPenguin]

So many threads about "friends" acting like this, what is wrong with these people!!!

She sounds awful!

[Dinosauratemypudding]

what cheek! Can't your ds and friend just play in the street together, or at your house? Why do you have to keep feeding him aand looking after him? Surely they'll still see eachother and be friends without you doing all of that?

[Starlight234]

what offline said

[Offline]

Haha, talk about shooting yourself in the foot!
Next time she texts or calls to ask you to collect her DS shout or text back WRONG TIME!

[parry45]

Feel better for saying something.... even though shes been an ignorant cow!

[RabbitsNap01]

She really sounds like a horrible woman parry, it's hard to know what to do that isn't going to end up being a punishment for her ds and not his vile freeloading mum

[SpartaCarcass]

Oh selfish cow!!! It's all about her.

Good on you for going over and being adult. She sounds like a stroppy child.

Like others have said - cut her out of everything. Do no favours for her but let your son play with the lad if your son wants. But let your son know this as well - you're on his side.
Grrr - ungrateful rude woman!!!

[parry45]

Hi everyone. So I went over to neighbours earlier. She said she shouted at ds as he keeps knocking at inconvenient times! 12.30, they were having lunch although ds friend said she was sleeping. She said he knocks at all the wrong times, ie tea time, homework time or when they are getting ready to go out! How is he suppose to know that? It got a little heated so I said fair enough if that's how you want to be. I'm not happy as all you had to do was say this or message me to let me know what times are unsuitable etc, rather than shout at ds. As i was walking off she said she shouldn't have to so that's where it's at.

[Sunshineonacloudyday]

I think that is a sensible way to approach this. Good luck op.

[Snowflakes1122]

Yanbu. And you give her free childcare?!

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

what Blu said

deep breathe, and SAY IT, and if needs be rehearse it

I knows it hard to challenge people, but that's a perfect way to be assertive and non confrontational

[a7mints]

I think she's a hooker

[parry45]

Lots of mixed replies. Thanks ladies. In these flip-flops and rabitnaps that's how I feel really. It's really no problem ds friend being here, it never has been. They are good as gold and I wouldn't not have him round out of spite to his mother. Yumyumpoppycat, no its not thier fault and they are great friends. I will see what she says later, but as a few others have said, I don't want ds around there anyway now. They are welcome here and at least I know they are safe and happy and not being shouted at.