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Original poster

To be hurt that my parents would rather go on holiday with their friends than us

106 replies

mayaknew · 02/10/2016 18:29

I know I am I. Just can't help feel hurt. I'll try to put this as simply as I can. I'd also like to point out I am delighted they are going it's just the way this all happened that makes me feel hurt.

So my parents go on holiday with their friends and their friends dcs every year (the dcs being children/teens). They've asked us to go a few times but we haven't because we would rather save for a few years and go to florida rather than paying a fortune and go on a holiday we weren't really fussy about.

My mums never been bothered either way but my dad was absolutely adamant he couldn't do a transatlantic flight. We will go eventually ourselves but I just think it would be better if we went as a big family my parents are like a second set of parents to my dcs they adore them and I know they would have an amazing time if they were there.

So anyway after giving up on them coming to florida we decided we would go on my parents normal holiday with them next year then save for florida and go when all dcs in school.

We have just found out my parents have just booked to go to NY with their friends and the friends dcs for a few days next year. So I've been asking them to go to America for years and been told categorically it won't happen, but their mates ask them and it's booked within the hour. I jusy said to DH is nice to know where I am in the pecking order.

I'd just like to point out that I don't care that they're going to NY, or that they wouldn't come to florida with us, as stand alone occurrences, but the fact that for years I've heard "oh maya we'd love nothing more than to come to florida with you and the dcs but I just couldn't do that flight" then hear he's miraculously able to fly to new York no bother the first time their mates even mention the idea. It's just a bit hurtful.

OP posts:
CrotchetQuaverMinim · 02/10/2016 20:10

Maybe they've only recently decided that actually it's worth trying a long flight? And NY is a decent payoff for the stress. And it might not be so stressful as the other children are now much older. You don't know that he'd have done a NY flight when those children were the age yours are now, even if he was happy to go on holiday with them in the UK at that age.

People do change and agree to new things,. so it may not have been a lie. And if it was, it sounds like a white lie to spare your feelings that he might find you all exhausting, demanding, irritating to be around 24/7 on something stressful like a flight, etc etc? You probably wouldn't really want to hear that, so it's not surprising that if it were a reason like that, he's restrained himself to telling a while liek.

Have you never told a white lie to spare his feelings? When you've said you didn't want to go on the holidays with them, have you outlined exactly why, or just said something general about not fancying it? Have you told him now exactly how disappointed you are are what you expected? Probably not to either - because it would hurt them, or make things awkward, or whatever. He might well have done the same to you.

It is hard to find out that you aren't as high priority in someone's life as you wished, and I don't blame you for being sad or hurt, but I'm not sure they've really done anything wrong.

NerrSnerr · 02/10/2016 20:11

Just book whatever holiday you want with you and your family. I can't believe you'd not book whatever you want because you feel your parents may want to be involved.

If you genuinely thought he'd be gutted if you went without him why didn't you just say that 'we're off to Florida next year- we're staying at hotel x and you can book to come too if you like?'

Bluebolt · 02/10/2016 20:11

With New York if you can get away with hand luggage you can pass customs, grab a taxi, drop bags and be seeing the sites in an hour. I have done both and New York felt and was hours quicker.

Realhousewivesofshit · 02/10/2016 20:12

Got to say op I think it's difficult to tell other people you would hate their holiday choices.

I think k though you are a bit jealous that your parents go on holiday with other people's kids and not yours.

I totally understand that by the way but o think it's just that they don't want to do dysney. It's so much walking and standing and queuing.

They don't want to hurt your feelings. People get really defensive about their holidays.

Adnerb95 · 02/10/2016 20:14

New York is NOT Florida - either in flight time - considerably shorter!! Or in any other way!!

Whilst I understand your confusion - to a degree - you need to recognise you are not comparing apples with apples!

Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 20:16

Adner when I googled it I got 7 hours for NY and 8 hours for florida

OP posts:
DontTouchTheMoustache · 02/10/2016 20:17

In the nicest possible way op I think you are taking it all far too personally and I think that is why your dad didn't want to tell you the truth that he didn't want to come to florida. You say you have told them numerous times that it's your dream holiday etc so he isn't going to want to turn around and burst your bubble by saying he wouldn't want to go and it's not his cup of tea as he wouldn't want to put a dampener on it. He has tried to spare your feelings by the sounds of it as you sound like you take things very much to heart. If you bring it up with them before the holiday you will make the whole thing into a negative experience for them. I'd maybe speak to them afterwards as you don't want them to feel guilty throughout the whole holiday. They haven't intentionally set out to hurt your feelings, they are just booking a holiday that they will enjoy.

Only1scoop · 02/10/2016 20:18

Ny can be around 3 hours shorter from mid Uk A/P

Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 20:18

I think that I'm annoyed at myself too because I'm of I'd just done what I wanted in the first place I could've been by now, but now the next chance I get is going to be 2019 at the earliest

OP posts:
paxillin · 02/10/2016 20:19

I find friends' kids less exhausting than relatives' kids because I don't feel the least bit responsible.

Only1scoop · 02/10/2016 20:19

Why is that Op? Have you got hols booked for next year? Sorry if I've missed something.

Nakatomi · 02/10/2016 20:20

In complete agreement with the posters saying they were probably trying to let you down easily re: Florida.

We had to do the same with my brother who invited us every year on his holiday to Scotland to go white water rafting, which was my idea of absolute hell. Luckily I think my sister-in-law cottoned on to our feelings and used the "Well I'm sure Nakatomi's DP can't commit to anything so far in advance because he might get last minute deployment" (side note this has never happened :D )

Thank God she stepped in though. I don't know what our excuse would have been. We spent our holiday in Morocco instead and had a lovely time.

Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 20:24

Donttouch I can see why you would think that from my dramatic posts but I really don't normally take things so personally like this it's really our of character for me that's why I posted I didn't really know why was feeling like this. That's why I am still baffled as to why he felt the need to lie to me. I honestly wouldn't have cared if he said I could think of nothing worse than traipsing around florida with three kids we would have had a joke and laugh about it. I like to go to musicals and he winds me up saying I'm going to listen to screeching all night he's not a fan haha we have a close jokey relationship. In many ways we are very similar. So I still don't get it.

But that's good advice about waiting til after it I would never want to spoil it for them. That will give me time to think about what's bothering me so I can articulate my feelings properly.

OP posts:
Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 20:27

No scoop sorry just that we would need more than a year to pay for it so that would be 2018 but my sister is getting married that year so I'll have a lot of expense for that plus I'm a student nurse and I'll be on my final.management placement that summer. So we'd need to wait til the following year at the earliest. Unless we took the dcs out of school later in 2018.

OP posts:
paxillin · 02/10/2016 20:33

Thing is, only one of your kids is reasonable Disneyland age. 4yo won't be allowed on half the rides and it is exhausting, you'll end up carrying them, there is so much walking and queuing.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 02/10/2016 20:34

I think taking some time to think about it is wise as it does sound like there is maybe more to it if this is out of character for you. Going back to what you said about the "pecking order", from personal experience I find that my mum, despite me being 30 with a family and a career, still often talks down to me, disregards my opinion and sort of expects me to fall in line with whatever she says. It makes me feel as though she has no respect for me and she can be very judgemental. However she would never dream of behaving that way with anyone else, is it perhaps something along those lines, that you are not exactly jealous of the holiday set up with their friends but perhaps more you feel as though they value their opinion more than yours and respect them more than you? I may just be hugely projecting but perhaps just something to think about?

OlennasWimple · 02/10/2016 20:36

NY and Florida are similar in terms of flight time, cost of flight etc. (But ignore the pp who suggested they drive from NY to Florida.....!)

From everything that you have said, it really sounds like they don't want to do the Disney thing, but didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying so, even though they have ended up hurting you more by going to NY. Unless there's some other back story, I would try not to take it to heart

sandragreen · 02/10/2016 20:38

A holiday in NY with mates is sooo different from a holiday in Florida with your GC. Can you really not see this OP?

Winifredgoose · 02/10/2016 20:42

I think it is most likely that they simply didn't much fancy a holiday to Florida, but they do to New York. It is a shame they didn't just say they didn't fancy Florida enough to make it worth the long flights, in exactly the same way you didn't fancy their usual holiday enough to make it worth the money. Find a different holiday you would both enjoy and go together next year.

greenfolder · 02/10/2016 20:43

For heavens sake!

It is equally possible that your Dad never thought he could do a transatlantic flight but his friend has convinced him . You never know he might be willing to do florist if it goes well.
Or any one of the other suggestions that makes you feel unhappy

Ginseng1 · 02/10/2016 20:45

I get you op. My mum m dad wouldn't want a holiday with us n kids ESP theme park hol but they DEF wouldn't want a hol with non family kids either. It must be the Florida thing they don't want - though NYC with 4 teenagers who are not your own seems v odd though I suppose they might do own thing a lot of time?

Realhousewivesofshit · 02/10/2016 20:50

I think we have all said the same thing op. They don't want to
Do Disney for all the valid reasons posted and you are feeling a tad miffed that they holiday with other people's kids.

I think that's the top and bottom of this and they absolutely don't want to hurt your feelings. Wink

sparkli · 02/10/2016 20:54

I totally understand how you feel. My parents went to the Canaries with my sister and her family a few years ago. We offered to pay for them to come on holiday with us this year and my dad refused. They love spending time with our dc and we all get on brilliantly. My kids are so upset that they'd go with their cousins bit not with them. It hurts.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 02/10/2016 20:56

Could it be for financial reasons?
I don't want to offend you, but maybe they feel they would have to pick up bills for eating out and so on if they went to Florida with you and they feel they can't afford all that while it's easier to split the bill with friends?

a7mints · 02/10/2016 20:58

Sorry haven't read the full thread but

my parents are like a second set of parents to my dcs

told me everything I needed to know about why they didn't want to go