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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt that my parents would rather go on holiday with their friends than us

106 replies

mayaknew · 02/10/2016 18:29

I know I am I. Just can't help feel hurt. I'll try to put this as simply as I can. I'd also like to point out I am delighted they are going it's just the way this all happened that makes me feel hurt.

So my parents go on holiday with their friends and their friends dcs every year (the dcs being children/teens). They've asked us to go a few times but we haven't because we would rather save for a few years and go to florida rather than paying a fortune and go on a holiday we weren't really fussy about.

My mums never been bothered either way but my dad was absolutely adamant he couldn't do a transatlantic flight. We will go eventually ourselves but I just think it would be better if we went as a big family my parents are like a second set of parents to my dcs they adore them and I know they would have an amazing time if they were there.

So anyway after giving up on them coming to florida we decided we would go on my parents normal holiday with them next year then save for florida and go when all dcs in school.

We have just found out my parents have just booked to go to NY with their friends and the friends dcs for a few days next year. So I've been asking them to go to America for years and been told categorically it won't happen, but their mates ask them and it's booked within the hour. I jusy said to DH is nice to know where I am in the pecking order.

I'd just like to point out that I don't care that they're going to NY, or that they wouldn't come to florida with us, as stand alone occurrences, but the fact that for years I've heard "oh maya we'd love nothing more than to come to florida with you and the dcs but I just couldn't do that flight" then hear he's miraculously able to fly to new York no bother the first time their mates even mention the idea. It's just a bit hurtful.

OP posts:
SheldonCRules · 02/10/2016 19:08

So it was ok for you to say no to going away with them as you didn't fancy it but then go at a later date but they can't do the same? Florida with a baby and young kids vs New York with teens is a no brainier.

junebirthdaygirl · 02/10/2016 19:10

After going on holidays with friends for years they may feel a certain loyalty to them. They have asked you to join them but you refused so they have got attached to their holiday with that family. You have very definite ideas about what you want to do and that's fine but meantime they have developed that relationship with the others.

Oldraver · 02/10/2016 19:14

Its one of those things thta just hurt isnt it ? I gave my Mum 7 months notice I was going to have DS2 and she had spent years moaning she was a deprived Grandma only having one, only for her to book a long holiday to the US with friends and tell me she would only be able to visit on a weekend as she had no holiday left.

Obviously I wasn't worth one day less with her friends

Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 19:16

I know Sheldon I know I'm acting like a baby. Although at least I was honest with them. If it was going to pay thousands for a holiday I'd rather it was to florida. They lied to me. I know it's a daft trivial white lie and I know there's no need for me to get upset about it. But I am and I don't know why.

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 02/10/2016 19:16

They have invited you on holiday before with their friends, maybe they don't want to go with you alone as they enjoy company of friends rather than just their children and grandchildren on holiday, or they will feel the need to entertain your kids. Huge possibly Florida is a big turn off as its too child centric so not an adult holiday for them.

Either way I wouldn't read too much into it, if you want to go on holiday with them then go with them and their friends.

LineyReborn · 02/10/2016 19:17

I've flown from Boston to London in 5 hours. You can add many many hours to that to Florida.

Plus places like Boston and NY are not Disney.

But I get why you are a bit Confused

But I also agree that your parents might think Florida would equal long flight + plus crap experience (for them) + childcare duties + a lot of expense.

Nakatomi · 02/10/2016 19:19

I think maybe they just don't want to go to Florida. When you don't have kids, there's nothing worse than being surrounded by them for all of your holiday because I imagine if you're going to Florida, you'll spend 90% of your time at Disney, because there's nothing else there.

Maybe they were just trying to let you down gently without saying firmly "We don't want to go to Florida or Disney World."

Also, maybe they don't want to spend their entire holiday as 2nd parents?

Rainbunny · 02/10/2016 19:19

OP how old are your dc now? You wrote that they are the same age as the friends' dc when your parents started holidaying with them? That was 8 years ago right? So your dc are likely under 10, around 5 or 6? I only ask because your parents might feel it's too exhausting to do the theme park Florida type holiday with younger children - they are 8 years older now too. As for the friends dc's, well as teenagers they can be more independent so the parents can relax and have more fun with your parents.

Honestly it sounds that they never liked the idea of Florida to me and used the easiest excuse to try avoid causing offense. I agree they should have just been honest from the start. I'm sorry, I would feel rejected as well and it's natural for you to feel hurt. I think your main gripe is that your parents can't be direct and honest with you, I don't know why they couldn't just say that they don't like Florida type destinations in the first place.

Nakatomi · 02/10/2016 19:22

I don't think what they've done counts as "lying" to you either. They were right, they didn't think they would be able to fly to Florida. They're not flying to Florida. They're also not flying with kids, which makes things 10x worse.

Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 19:23

The first time my parents went on holiday with them they had 4dc all under 10. Mine are 11, 4 and an infant.

OP posts:
GingerbreadLatteToGo · 02/10/2016 19:23

It's understandable that you're hurt. For years they have said they would LOVE to come, but couldn't face the flight to go there with you. THE FLIGHT. Now they're going to take THE FLIGHT to holiday with friends?! Why the change of heart & if suddenly flying was OK why not go with YOU or QUIT LYING about why they don't want to go to Florida wth you. Grrrr.

Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 19:24

I think that's right. I'm sure the first time they went they were 3 5 7 and 9. Now they are 11 13 15 and 17. My maths might not be perfect here Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 19:25

Also we are not in London

OP posts:
paxillin · 02/10/2016 19:25

Maybe they worried they'd be default babysitters to your dc in a way they aren't for their friends.

PNGirl · 02/10/2016 19:27

I'm kind of amazed they haven't realised this would hurt your feelings and contradicts what they have told you. Or maybe they have and are hoping you will be too nice to point out the obvious?

RunnyRattata · 02/10/2016 19:28

Maybe then can't face the having to explain in detail why they don't want to go to Florida. I can imagine it might be a tricky conversation if they think it's tacky and exploitative beyond belief and full of fat screaming chavs. I know people who think this is the case and maybe they just wouldn't want to go down that conversational route with their loved ones who are saving hard and determined to go?

brasty · 02/10/2016 19:28

Yeah I think they should have been honest, but I understand them not wanting to spend a lot of money to go somewhere they really don't want to.
I think you need to see this is not personal. They are happy to go on holiday with you. They have just been caught out in a white lie about going to America. They still love you and your DCs

Nanny0gg · 02/10/2016 19:28

Are you going to ask them about it?

reup · 02/10/2016 19:29

I'm still slightly obsessed with them going away every year with other peoples kids. Do they not like each other?

Glitteryfrog · 02/10/2016 19:30

Because they 'go on holiday' with other doesn't mean they spend every moment with them.
They might fly out together and then only have breakfast and a few dinners together.
They might feel obliged to spend the whole time with you?

I've been on holiday with my in-laws. It was hard work - we didn't pick the venue, we had to be 'home' for dinner etc

Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 19:34

Glittery they rent a private villa together there's not much apart time AFAIK.

Well I already did sort of. When my mum told me today I said oh been asking you about florida for years and got the run around but soon as the Smiths ask you about new York it's booked right away very good it was more a joke with a jab. Mature I knowHmm didn't handle it well. My mum just laughed.

I'll wait and pick my moment with my dad though because I think he's behind everything ( ie the not going to Florida and the booking NY)

OP posts:
HereIAm20 · 02/10/2016 19:34

It doesn't matter that the friends ' kids were your kids ages when they first went. Your own parents are also that bit older now and probably don't want the hassle of young kids on a holiday. NY is an entirely different proposition with tge teens able to shop snd lots of fab things to see and do rather than a beach trip or Disney and costs a fraction of the price. In fact in the BA sale recently there were return flights to NY for £295.

Also I assume they know you are saving for your big dream Florida holiday so didn't think you'd be interested in spending on a NY trip.

They have not lied to you. I think you are overthinking it.

Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 19:35

Obviously not the real surname.

OP posts:
paxillin · 02/10/2016 19:36

I'd also like to add I'd prefer holidaying in hell than doing Disneyland with a 4 year old and an infant.

Schmoozer · 02/10/2016 19:37

Second parents to my DC
That's what I reckon the issue is.

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