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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt that my parents would rather go on holiday with their friends than us

106 replies

mayaknew · 02/10/2016 18:29

I know I am I. Just can't help feel hurt. I'll try to put this as simply as I can. I'd also like to point out I am delighted they are going it's just the way this all happened that makes me feel hurt.

So my parents go on holiday with their friends and their friends dcs every year (the dcs being children/teens). They've asked us to go a few times but we haven't because we would rather save for a few years and go to florida rather than paying a fortune and go on a holiday we weren't really fussy about.

My mums never been bothered either way but my dad was absolutely adamant he couldn't do a transatlantic flight. We will go eventually ourselves but I just think it would be better if we went as a big family my parents are like a second set of parents to my dcs they adore them and I know they would have an amazing time if they were there.

So anyway after giving up on them coming to florida we decided we would go on my parents normal holiday with them next year then save for florida and go when all dcs in school.

We have just found out my parents have just booked to go to NY with their friends and the friends dcs for a few days next year. So I've been asking them to go to America for years and been told categorically it won't happen, but their mates ask them and it's booked within the hour. I jusy said to DH is nice to know where I am in the pecking order.

I'd just like to point out that I don't care that they're going to NY, or that they wouldn't come to florida with us, as stand alone occurrences, but the fact that for years I've heard "oh maya we'd love nothing more than to come to florida with you and the dcs but I just couldn't do that flight" then hear he's miraculously able to fly to new York no bother the first time their mates even mention the idea. It's just a bit hurtful.

OP posts:
Sosidges · 02/10/2016 19:38

We went to Florida with our children and grandchildren. Hours of standing in queues in the heat, while the kids went on rides. Visiting very expensive theme parks which we hated. The huge meals, the driving between the different parks the bloody characters. We smiled till our teeth ached, we agreed how wonderful it was, good value for money so much fun. We put on such a good act of pretending to enjoy it that we were asked to go again a few years later. I think you should not be hurt, just ask them to go on a different type of holiday.

TheAntiBoop · 02/10/2016 19:38

The only discrepancy here is the transatlantic flight. You've been invited on their holidays in the past so it is not to do with spending time with you.

I should imagine what your dad meant was that he couldn't bear the thought of a transatlantic flight without some payoff at the end. A fortnight in Florida is obviously not his thing. Time in New York is.

This has nothing to do with the kids - the friends or yours.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/10/2016 19:38

You're entitled to your feelings. Just as your parents are entitled to holiday where they want.

Have you considered asking them why?

Lymmmummy · 02/10/2016 19:39

Few issues

  1. I would be upset as well - I have a rather spectacularly self important and awful SIL who in 5 years has never bothered to visit our DC because she is "far too busy" but funnily enough has plenty of time to visit multi millionaire uncle in the states. It doesn't bother me other than MIL always trying to guilt trip us because we are not prepared to go to all the effort to visit MIL home time at times to suit SIL. it's SIL choice - just like it's your patents choice - I can only make my own choices and the choice I made was not to indulge SIL
  2. it sounds like other than the holiday issue you and your DC have a very good relationship with your parents and they seem loving and generous with their time - this is a lot more than many people get

I would not have a big fall out over it

  • it seems one issue they have dealt with badly amongst a wealth of things they have done really well - just go Florida on your own accept you have different holiday preferences
Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 19:40

Pax I feel like that about private villas so I suppose I have to see their point of view. Although I eventually did give in and agree to go with them and now they're not even going Confused 😂😂

I'm really starting the think they are trying to tell. Me something... hahaConfused

OP posts:
mysistersimone · 02/10/2016 19:42

Well, gonna be a line voice but actually if he pissed off too. Your parents were happy to go on holiday with friends with 4 (!!!) kids, where I'm guessing the dynamic would have been 3 generations, rather than friends and one set of kids. I'd be amazed if your parents hadn't helped their friends with child care. I fully appreciate going away with friends is not the same as going with your child, but I still find it a bit odd. When I was childfree I wouldn't have rushed to go on holiday with another couple and 4 kids.
You're entitled to your feelings, you can speak to your dad about it.

takemetomars · 02/10/2016 19:44

Most people seem to have ignored/not noticed the fact that the father seems to have lied to the OP. It seems to me that he has suggested that he cannot manage the flight to Florida. He is now saying he can manage a flight which is almost as long. OP, ask him how this is suddenly possible. If he told a little fib because they don't fancy Florida as a holiday destination then he should have been adult enough to tell you.
The rest is irrelevant really as far as I am concerned, its the lying that matters

WinchesterWoman · 02/10/2016 19:45

Gosh that is hurtful. How strange.

NerrSnerr · 02/10/2016 19:47

Maybe they just prefer to holiday with their friends. I have friends and family who I love to bits but wouldn't go on holiday with because we either don't like the same holidays or I know they'd want a different kind of holiday. I really don't get why people are saying they'd be hurt. I reckon your dad said he wouldn't manage the flight because he was trying to let you down gently.

Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 19:50

Yes Mars that is my main issue with this too.

OP posts:
brasty · 02/10/2016 19:50

Lots have noticed the lie. I suspect it is a lie to not hurt the OPs feelings. But it has backfired.

AmeliaJack · 02/10/2016 19:52

To be fair if they go with their friends they aren't responsible For those children. They may babysit the odd night but I bet they aren't expected to run herd on them, disciple them, but them ice creams and monitor them in the swimming pool.

And you would expect that, it's disingenuous to suggest otherwise. If your parents are "second parents" to your DC it would be natural that everyone involved would automatically fall into those lines.

Florida isn't for everyone. It's certainly not relaxing.

Maybe they just want to relax and not be in charge (at all).

Wandering round shops and museums in NYC is in no way comparable to slogging round Disney in the heat with a Pram, a little one and a pre-teen, (who will all want to go on different things).

Why not just stop asking them to Florida. They clearly don't want to do that. It's not about you

MagicChanges · 02/10/2016 19:52

Maya I see why you're upset and I think you should have been honest with your mom and not tried to make a joke of it, as this hasn't resolved anything. Having said that I agree with so many others that Florida to me would be hell on earth. My sons and dils and kids have been and admitted that it was horrendously hot and tiring and I got the feeling it hadn't lived up to their expectations, very crowded, very expensive etc. My idea of hell, maybe that's why your parents chose NY - I'd love to go there.
One of my grandchildren had never been (long story) and I wanted to make sure she got the same as the others so I offered to pay for her and her parents, for her 16th birthday but she said she appreciated the thought but no thanks, her friends had been and said it was hot and crowded. However she'd love to go on a safari..................let the saving commence!

woowoowoo · 02/10/2016 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SwedishEdith · 02/10/2016 19:52

Do you only ever talk about Florida when the issue of a holiday comes up? They probably thought they were being kind. And maybe they really didn't consider a transatlantic flight would ever happen but the chance to go to New York cropped up. Totally different options and I can see why they'd pick one over the other.

NightWanderer · 02/10/2016 19:53

It is hurtful, but people are strange. I'd try not to worry about it and just plan Florida for without them.

Dinosauratemypudding · 02/10/2016 19:56

The only reason I know of people going on holiday with their parents is to get a bit of free childcare. Maybe this is what they're thinking?
Plus a holiday to ny would be a bery different experience to florida. Maybe they're just not keen on florida?

LineyReborn · 02/10/2016 19:56

Well obviously he lied. But he lied because he doesn't want to go to Florida.

Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 19:58

Kind of Swedish. When they are booking their holiday each year they will mention we can join them if we want and I always so no id rather do florida. This had happened several years. And I've mentioned florida in between also talking in general like you do.when chatting to your family.

My dad has also sat and told my dcs right to their faces that he wishes he could. Take them to.disneyland.

They didn't choose NY they're friends said they were going there next year instead of the usual holiday and they did too.

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 02/10/2016 20:00

I think yabu. However, I really do think your parents are discounting the fun that can be had with children at a theme park. Disney is my idea of hell (have done Disneyland Paris twice) however, I take my son to another theme park yearly and my parents come. It's only for a day as part of a full three week holiday and my parents love it. Don't go on many rides and certainly wouldn't go if it wasn't for ds but they love the sheer excitement he has on that one day.

I know that doesn't really help. Sorry!

Original poster
mayaknew · 02/10/2016 20:01

I've just realised why I'm so upset by this!

One of the reasons I've never went is because my dad is the kind of.person who likes to.be involved in everything and I always thought he'd be really gutted if we went without him. HA what a mug I was.

This is.why I love mumsnet it's like therapyGrin

OP posts:
PNGirl · 02/10/2016 20:02

Whether or not it's hot and expensive and tiring is irrelevant. It's lying to say they'd love nothing more than to go but couldn't do the flight in front of the kids, especially when they knew you were waiting for them to change their mind before you booked yourself!

I would say to my dad that he should find the Florida flight no worries after New York. See what he says.

Only1scoop · 02/10/2016 20:03

I think it's one of those you kind of both know what each other's thinking but keep it polite.
If they fancied it they'd go with you....you describe them as almost another set of DP to your DC.... Perhaps a holiday to them is time away from you all....I mean that in the nicest possible way Smile

TheAntiBoop · 02/10/2016 20:06

It sounds like you do a lot of projecting onto your dad! It sounds like bad communication so just speak with him.

I always present things to my parents as a straight choice - do you want to go to Florida with us in 2017? Yes or no. There are some holidays they have come with us and others they have politely declined!!

How much time do your parents spend with your kids outside of their holidays?

edwinbear · 02/10/2016 20:08

I concur that Disney is probably a bit full on for GP's. They probably didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying that much as they adore your DC's, and a day of Disney with you all would be wonderful, but they would rather disembowel themselves than spend two weeks traipsing round the Disney bubble. Hell, I have a 7 and 4 year old and I wouldn't do it with my precious annual holiday.