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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel smug?

89 replies

LouBlue1507 · 02/10/2016 16:48

Like most men, my DP thinks that being a SAHM is pretty easy, and whenever I say I'm tired he doesn't seem to understand why! (He is a lovely guy though and a great dad and partner I have to add).

But today, I decided to have a lovely long bath (1.5 hours) and let DP look after our DD (9 weeks old).

I have just got out of the bath and sat on our bed, wrapped in my towel and DP brings in DD and puts her on the bed next to me before attempting to leave! I'm not even dressed yet!

Me: Not so easy is it?
Him: Hell no! She's been hard work!

AIBU to feel massively slightly smug now he knows that being a SAHM isn't so easy? Grin

OP posts:
TheSparrowhawk · 02/10/2016 16:54

I wouldn't be smug, I'd be pretty disgusted with him. If he can't look after her for an hour and a half he's pretty pathetic IMO. He'd better not ever ask you why you're tired from here on in.

LokisUnderpants · 02/10/2016 16:55

I agree it's pathetic. I wouldn't feel smug, I'd feel sad that I was married to a man child that can't look after his own baby.

ThoraGruntwhistle · 02/10/2016 16:55

Stop feeling smug and start feeling dismayed at why he doesn't already realise that you don't sit on your arse all day.

Bettybooop25 · 02/10/2016 16:58

What a pathetic twat.

TheSparrowhawk · 02/10/2016 16:59

The way he put her on the bed when you weren't even dressed is really childish - he clearly sees the baby as being your job.

FeckinCrutches · 02/10/2016 16:59

90 minutes with a 9 week old was 'Hard work'? Jeez. They don't even do anything at that age Confused

Jackiebrambles · 02/10/2016 17:00

God help him when she's older! 9 weeks old is mostly easy!

FeckinCrutches · 02/10/2016 17:00

And how ridiculous he couldn't even cope till you got dressed.

user1474926891 · 02/10/2016 17:00

Smug? You haven't anything to feel smug about.

An hour and a half is "hard work" for him? Weird.

TheSparrowhawk · 02/10/2016 17:02

I'm not wanting to put you on the spot Lou, but how can he be a great dad if he can't look after his baby?

rollonthesummer · 02/10/2016 17:02

Smug?? Erm, no. I'd feel embarrassed that my husband was being so useless Confused

Imknackeredzzz · 02/10/2016 17:03

He's a great dad but can't cope for an hour and a half?! ... Um ok then whatever u say!

BadToTheBone · 02/10/2016 17:03

So, in 9 weeks he's looked after his daughter for 1.5hours, whilst you were actually still in the house and you're feeling smug?

I know you're feeling vindicated, so I'm happy for you in that respect, but seriously you need to get him told!

JacquesHammer · 02/10/2016 17:05

Ok hang on.

Before we all go "he's so crap he can't cope" I think some more details would be useful.

Is baby exclusively breastfed and was hungry and screaming? Pretty unfair to lambast him if that's the case.

Or is it really he just couldn't cope with a 9 week old. If the latter then yes, he needs to step up and learn a few more skills.

I kind of

Loyly · 02/10/2016 17:06

'Like most men'? That's a really unfair and inaccurate thing to say about men. Just because your DP acts that way doesn't mean other men do.

Soubriquet · 02/10/2016 17:08

My Dh has never underestimated how hard it is to be a sahm

In fact he thinks it's harder than going out to work.

AyeAmarok · 02/10/2016 17:09

I wouldn't feel smug to be partnered with such a useless lump of a human.

phillipp · 02/10/2016 17:09

Op I know you didn't mean it this way, but this is a pretty shitty thread.

Your dh can't cope with a his own baby for 90 minutes. Unless there is a reason like the baby is BF, I would be really upset with my dh.

Most men aren't like this at all. My dad, grandad, fil, dbro and dh are all extremely hands on parents and never thought that being a sahp is easy. They all enjoy time on their own with their kids and grandkids.

mycatstares · 02/10/2016 17:11

My dp has never said I have it easy being sahm eitherHmm.

Sorry but your going to have a tough few years ahead of you if he doesn't grow up.

Hefezopf · 02/10/2016 17:12

My dh always talked about 'going to work for a rest' when we had babies and little kids. Not all men underestimate the work involved in childcare!

Fizzer123 · 02/10/2016 17:12

I hope you asked him wtf he was doing plonking the baby next to you & trying to leave, then you went out for another 4 hours.

Original poster
LouBlue1507 · 02/10/2016 17:15

Woah seriously! This was meant as a lighthearted thread and my DP is in no way useless, a lump, a waste of space etc!

Bloody hell! Of course he can cope looking after her, he's a very hands on dad he just finds her hard work!
Tbf he was trying to do some work on his laptop at the same time, which isn't easy with a baby!

I am no way ashamed of him, it's just nice to know he understands it's difficult trying to get things done with a baby, despite being home all day!

Jeez Louise!

OP posts:
Original poster
LouBlue1507 · 02/10/2016 17:17

As we speak, he's in the kitchen doing the dishes and preparing tea! He's a brill Dad and partner so lay off the bashing please Grin

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 02/10/2016 17:17

YANBU to feel smug that he's finally twigged.

YABU if you let him off with the level of involvement he seems to have had thus far if it took him to 9 weeks to realise... Grin

DH confessed some years after DS1 had me on my knees on a daily basis (basically he screamed for a year non-stop while never sleeping longer than 20min ) that he heaved a sigh of relief every day he was allowed out the house to go to work: no screaming, mingling with adults, hot drinks that were drunk while still hot, regular meal/rest times. None of that was a given at home at the time... DS1 is now 13 yo, we've had 3 further boys why??! and I still shudder at the memory.
The others were easier btw Grin

PacificDogwod · 02/10/2016 17:18

Ah.
x-post.
As you were Smile