Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel smug?

89 replies

LouBlue1507 · 02/10/2016 16:48

Like most men, my DP thinks that being a SAHM is pretty easy, and whenever I say I'm tired he doesn't seem to understand why! (He is a lovely guy though and a great dad and partner I have to add).

But today, I decided to have a lovely long bath (1.5 hours) and let DP look after our DD (9 weeks old).

I have just got out of the bath and sat on our bed, wrapped in my towel and DP brings in DD and puts her on the bed next to me before attempting to leave! I'm not even dressed yet!

Me: Not so easy is it?
Him: Hell no! She's been hard work!

AIBU to feel massively slightly smug now he knows that being a SAHM isn't so easy? Grin

OP posts:
Banderwassnatched · 02/10/2016 19:34

Expat...that comment was something else, honestly. The thread didn't even have anything to do with marriage, and the OP certainly didn't ask for your opinion on unwed mothers.

From an unwed mother of 3, with a DP mysteriously still around, no one cares what you think about our choices. You can shove it. Have a smashing day :D

Oh yeah, and I was a SAHM for 6 years.

seasidesally · 02/10/2016 19:37

blimey i bet the poor op wished she had not posted and didnt expect her dc's character to get a kicking

some of us op get what you mean and im sure many others do to but some just love to pick your posts to pieces and let you know your life is not as it should be according to them

glad you enjoyed you bathSmile

sausagefest · 02/10/2016 20:06

I get you OP Grin

seasidesally · 02/10/2016 20:22

meant dp's character

ShebaShimmyShake · 02/10/2016 20:45

The lightheartedness is what's so bloody scary. This is why so many women find themselves fucked over so badly regarding their families.... because they always take their partner's disrespect and uselessness with a feminine giggle and eye rolling sigh about the poor widdle man who earns £50k handling multimillion budgets and international clients all day but can't seriously be expected to come home and see if anything needs doing. Or, apparently, watch his own non-mobile baby for 90 minutes.

Comedy gold?

(I'm aware OP hasn't disclosed her partner's income or job but the point still stands.)

BitchPeas · 02/10/2016 20:48

Spot on Sheba

sausagefest · 02/10/2016 20:55

I think OP just wanted her dh to understand that looking after a small baby is a lot tougher than it sounds.

That's all.

I remember that feeling.

ShebaShimmyShake · 02/10/2016 20:59

And it was nine weeks before he decided to see if she was telling the truth....and still dumped the baby before she'd even got dry?

Johnny5isAlive · 02/10/2016 21:14

I get you OP.

Hope you enjoyed your bath Wine

Realhousewivesofshit · 02/10/2016 21:17

Jesus even for aibu this thread has got nasty!

Think too many posters been on the wine.

Fwiw no bigger has a clue how hard parenting is and both the op and her dh are right at the start.

She's posted a light hearted thread and had a lovely bath and he tea being cooked. She's just had a baby and she has a happy marriage.

For goodness sake!

mumofhandsomeboys · 02/10/2016 21:20

Ignore the haters. I'd feel smug too! SAHMs work damn hard (as do part time and full time working mums before anyone starts!) and it's nice for that work to be appreciated, whether it takes 90 minutes or 90 days for that to happen.
I hope you enjoyed your bath OP xx

WhooooAmI24601 · 02/10/2016 21:23

OP you are entitled to feel smug! DH is incredible with the DC's but openly admits he wouldn't choose to be the primary caregiver because it's just unrelenting. There's nothing at all wrong with anyone admitting that parenting is difficult; it can be hard for men and women alike. Smugly smile away!

IzzyIsBusy · 02/10/2016 21:23

OP ignore the fuckers. As far as they are concerned unless the man wirks 16 hours a day plus caring for the children/pets/in lawz and doing all the house chore whe checking his wjifes wine glass is topped up as she lounges on the sofa

IzzyIsBusy · 02/10/2016 21:24

Posted too soon.

Unless he does all of tbe above they will call him a cunt.

Enjoy your baby and being smug Smile Flowers

Realhousewivesofshit · 02/10/2016 21:26

Steady on izzy topping up the wine glass is serious shit.

IzzyIsBusy · 02/10/2016 21:27

I wish. Its a mardy cat who is only happy when he takes over all of my personal space Hmm

incywincybitofa · 02/10/2016 21:29

Smug is always going to get you into trouble in AIBU.

IzzyIsBusy · 02/10/2016 21:29

Ha wrong thread!!!! Sorry last post was for a different thread.

Yes wine glass top ups are important i agree. Sorry for the slip up Wink

Threebedsemii · 02/10/2016 21:31

Is this your first child? 9 weeks in (I assume you're on maternity?) and he's decided being a SAHM is easy?

RiverTam · 02/10/2016 21:33

The fact that you think it's normal for most men to think being a SAHM is easy suggests you have a pretty low bar for what constitutes being a great dad.

Barbadosgirl · 02/10/2016 21:38

Not all men think being a SAHM is easy. My husband was a SAHD for a year. He loved it but was completely exhausted. He knows how hard it is and is in awe of single parents.

You can feel as smug as you want, OP but I would have lost my sh one t had my husband dumped the baby on the bed before I had got dressed.

kungfupannda · 02/10/2016 21:38

I think most people would be less Hmm about it if he'd just admitted it was hard, rather than trying to dump the baby on you and sidle off, the very second you were 'available' again.

That's not just being a bit clueless - that's being ridiculously helpless. Unless the baby was screaming to be fed there's no excuse for him being in such a tearing hurry to offload her.

timeforabrewnow · 02/10/2016 21:40

Jesus H. C*** there are some very stupid people on Mumsnet all over the place

I know what you meant - you were trying to have a little joke with the other mums

DONT EVER TRY IT AGAIn

I tried that once on here about something completely different. I was torn to shreds. (Ummm figuratively speaking of course - not literally. some people do take things very literally on here)

timeforabrewnow · 02/10/2016 21:41

izzyisbizzy

love your post.

It's just so completely irrelevant Grin

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 02/10/2016 21:42

My husband was a great dad, he walked through the door took baby out of my arms and gave me time to do the stuff i had missed doing all day.
He was the one rocking the cot uselessly trying to get baby's bedtime routine kick started (he just wasn't ready for bed till 10).
Overnights were easier to share as i was bottle feeding, but he did the full night time feeds friday and saturday, i slept on another floor so i could get two full nights sleep a week (he got the other 5) .
He knew how hard babies were, i know i sound insufferably smug, but i just wanted people to see what a dad should be.