AIBU to feel smug?

[LouBlue1507]

Like most men, my DP thinks that being a SAHM is pretty easy, and whenever I say I'm tired he doesn't seem to understand why! (He is a lovely guy though and a great dad and partner I have to add).

But today, I decided to have a lovely long bath (1.5 hours) and let DP look after our DD (9 weeks old).

I have just got out of the bath and sat on our bed, wrapped in my towel and DP brings in DD and puts her on the bed next to me before attempting to leave! I'm not even dressed yet!

Me: Not so easy is it?
Him: Hell no! She's been hard work!

AIBU to feel massively slightly smug now he knows that being a SAHM isn't so easy?

Oh dear people are so quick to jump on and criticise !! It was obviously meant as lighthearted thread . I'm with you op - I was in hospital for 2 nights , my dh says "God I could never be a single parent " I felt very smug that he realised how much hard work dc can be on your own 😀

We know it's light-hearted. That's the disturbing part. That yet again, women need to stop making such a fuss about a poor widdle man who can't parent for 90 minutes in nine weeks because he so hilariously thinks typical women's work is such a piece of piss and WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE CALL ARMANDO IANUCCI WE HAVE HILARITY ON OUR HANDS OH MY ACHING SIDES.

oh come on, the baby is 9 weeks old, he works I take it? So probably hasn't had long periods on his own with the baby yet. Esp if baby is b/f. OP pat him on the back and warn him he's having baby next weekend whilst you spend an afternoon mooching round the shops and having coffee, child free.

'I Let DP look after dd who is 9 weeks old'
I'd 'let' him do much more than look after his DC whilst you bath....
Blimey, at 9 weeks dp was doing as much as me.

izzy dh working away so teenage dd topping my glass, thought you had actually taught your cat to do it and mightily impressed

Before I had my first child I thought being a SAHM was easy too.

I bf so did all the night feeds and was basically a slave to mine. Dh wasn't as he didn't have tits but he did what the ops dh does cooked cleaned etc.

He has moobs now as he's older.

Pmd you op

I got the lighthearted bit, and I beg to differ about having a bit of banter with other women: IIME MN is the perfect place for that; although admittedly maybe not AIBU.

I am clearly not quite as annoyed as Sheba, but I agree with her point.
I think it is really important that fathers spend time on their own with their offspring. For many reasons, among them bonding, getting better at that parenting lark, yes, an appreciation of how hard it can be and sharing the load.
One of the many reasons why I would be very happy to see some kind of 'parenting leave' introduced, a period time (? a year) that both parents can share in whatever proportion they wish to. None of this nonsense of maternity leave (beyond what it required for physical recovery) and much more measly paternity leave - both parents should be able to take as much or as little time off work as they wish. And it would benefit children too.

Weekends? Evenings? Nine weeks into my daughter's life, my working husband had managed to find a few slots in his busy schedule to fit in his new baby. He even prepared some bottles. Then again, he is a skilled tradesman with expert technical training. Apparently it's beyond the wit of most ordinary men. (Not the ones of my acquaintance, but then it seems I move in hallowed circles.)

Yet they rule the world. Dear God we are fucked.

Woah put the claws away ladies!

DP is very involved with DD, He feeds, changes, baths her lots. He just doesn't spend a lot of time alone with her as I'm always around (my choice)... He works 60 hours a week as a teacher so he is pretty busy and happily takes DD off me at the end of the day for feed :)

He really is fantastic, we have a great life and I love them both dearly

pacific why is parenting a competition or a test of who steps up to the plate more. I would have hated to leave my babies and go shop/spa or worse go back to work.

Why would I have to leave my babies with dh? We had them together and mucked in together.

We had them together and mucked in together.

Well, that's how it should be
It's not a competition.

Women looking after their offspring remains the default exception though, and men doing some kind of favour or 'babysitting' their own child is still often seen as some kind of saintlike act.

I'm not saying that is the OP's position, but that is what some posters have picked up on.

It's not about 'going shopping' or 'to the spa' (both activities I hate), but have look at all the threads here with him going off to the pub/football/with his mates/whatever 5 nights a week, while his wife/DP sits at home wondering what happened to her life.

itsmine, that was what passes for lightheartedness within my own shrivelled, blackened soul. (This is why they don't let me do The Now Show.) The point being that men are perfectly capable of parenting and empathising with a sahp's job if they care to try, which very many do. If they really were that useless, they wouldn't be in so many positions of power.

I'm not denigrating the OP's marriage, which I am sure is happy, or her partner's character (well, ok, I am a bit, but we can pretend I'm not. Seriously, a teacher and he still thinks kids are easy?).

But I'm just fed up of two things: 1) men who think parenting their kids is a joke of a job until they get round to trying it a couple of months in and realise the women haven't actually been babbling crap all this time, and 2) that this is just one more shitnut that women (mothers) should suck up because the idea that they should be taken seriously the first time round by a man is just so rib ticklingly droll.

Incidentally, when does citybushisland think working mothers manage to do any parenting?

Night all.

pacific yes but this thread is lighthearted. Seems a shame posters have so jumped on the op,new mum, to tell her that she's married a monster. Bit OTT.

I think the posts that sounded a bit negative come out of a place where the script is:

Mum stays home with newborn baby
Dad doesn't understand how hard it is
Dad may never understand the needs of his children OR
Dad has to mind them one day and suddenly understands.
Ha ha.

To be honest for many of us it sounds like a script from a sitcom. For most of us our lives are complicated jigsaws of minding kids/utter focus on newborns/working/shopping/cooking/caring for family etc, and if you have a supportive and involved partner that person will also see it as a complicated jigsaw of trying to figure out how to mind a newborn. (by the way I would never use the term SAHM to describe minding a 9 week old - whether you work outside the home or inside the home chances are fairly high that one parent is full time at home with a 9 week old)

The OPs post was very much along the lines of

I am responsible for baby
DP thinks it is a doddle
He learned his lesson - funny

Grand. No big deal. Except for many of this is not only not true for us in our families and how they work but nothing we would want for our daughters or sons either.