Dh gets a break away. My break is...

[ComproMyWayOrTheHighway]

'I'll take our ds away so I can watch (competitive sport Dh likes) and you can stay and have your break at home'.

No. Just no.

For background Dh works hard and we haven't had a break together for a couple of years. Child together of 3.
Since ds was born I have had zero time to myself. Partly because ds was a pain to settle partly because I don't know many people where we live or we have gone away as a family. Family holidays have entailed Dh doing some stuff he enjoys or meeting up with people while I provide childcare. Think caravan holiday type situations where mums used to get stuck doing everything while dad has a break.

He has been away with work on a jolly for a few days recently. Hotel. Meals. Networking. Prior to that he's had time away from ds while I visited family for 3 weeks (not a holiday i know but we moved miles away to his country and me visiting parents is part of the deal).
He's going away again alone leaving me for 5 days so he can see his sport he likes.

I said that this is fine. I've never stopped anything but said I will also be taking a break. I have asked for a weekend on my own somewhere as I'm tired and have had no downtime in three years (sahm) planning to go back to work but need to organise and update cv etc. I have said I'll do this while I'm away.

He has offered instead that he goes on another jaunt to watch this sport but takes our child. So he gets something fun with child and I get my space.

Aibu to think sod off. I don't want to just sit in the house I see every day and clean while he gets another trip and hotel and food etc. And if he's not planning on staying away and just being out of the house for the weekend and bringing our child home each evening then isn't that missing the bloody point entirely?

No avoidance of questions. We are paying out for other things and saving. We can't afford realistically to put a child into daycare if I'm not working. That makes absolutely no sense. Once I'm working then ds will go into daycare if need be. Daycare is very expensive here. We can't justify it. Plus I don't want ds in care if I can look after him. I just want equal time off.
Dh barely goes to the hobby. It's an annual event that he's attending and he's camping and driving to save money.

I have money if I need but because we are trying to save I mail do free activities and keep expenditure to a minimum.

Mainly. Not mail.

Dh isn't a bad person he's very very focused on getting this business up and running and wants to quit his job once we are afloat. What gets to me us the lack of timescale and the fact that I wasn't consulted about starting this endeavour so when he says 'you stay here with moggy' I feel a bit disheartened about that.

I need a job. I'm working towards that. I want a break.

The job is neither here nor there you just the partnership equal over all. This weekend is a red herring though - it'll just be a sticking plaster at best. You need to have discussions with your DH and be completely honest with yourself and him re your needs.
If you don't make any changes you'll only continue to feel like this

Ps you should try and be involved in his business in some way - sounds like he needs the help and you could get some interest and value out of helping - make it a joint endeavour rather than something that's coming between you - make yourself a shareholder of it in return though!!!

Di you resent this business as you feel it is the barrier to you working. Is that fair?

It's fair if OP didn't take part in or agree with her H's decision to start a business, in addition to FT work, when they have a small DC.

Nice try, Matey! You book yourself a cabin/hotel room/spa whatever floats your boat and tell him to pull his head in!

I meant is that a fair summary Dozer. Just trying to help OP clarify her thoughts when she talks to dh annd works out how to improve things as she says her powerlessness comes from no time limits on the business start up which is giving her no life in the evenings.

Ugh OP you seem so dismissive of everyone's replies. You sound so low and then you swat away any ideas or suggestions that may help you feel better.

Just remember that if someone recommends something it's not for their own benefit. It's for yours. If you don't try something new, nothing will ever change. Your DH is not going to give you a weekend off because you've posted here.

Anyway good luck....

i think you are depressed and therefore lacking any 'get up and go' that you might otherwise have. You've fixated on a weekend away as a) a way to somehow redress the balance with your husband and b) to get your head sorted out.

But I think you know deep down that neither of these things will magically happen after 48 hours of cocktails and massages. It's much more fundamental than that.

First step is to go back to the doctor and explain your hopelessness and feelings of loneliness and lethargy.

Second step is to really assess what it is you want - don't knee jerk say, what I want is equal free time, because I don't believe that's actually it. You sound like what you actually want is some fulfilment and independence.

Third step is to really open up to your DH. Get a babysitter for an evening and have a no holds barred discussion. Truthfully he may not realise how you feel. I also agree with a PP that you could discuss you getting involved in his project?

Lastly, you need to find some interests outside of the home and family. I know money is tight but there are running clubs, book clubs, knitting circles, and so on and so on. Something will float your boat and make you focus on something else.

Hope you can take something from the responses on here

He's got some bloody neck!! Tell him thanks for his kind offer, but you're off to a spa (or whatever), and give him a list of jobs to do while you're away, whilst he simultaneously looks after a small child (like you do all day)!

Fucking cheeky bugger!