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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I dislike children.

378 replies

HonestJan · 01/10/2016 19:51

What is wrong with me?

Never liked em. I don't find them cute, sweet, funny, interesting or entertaining. I have a few nieces/nephews and obviously love them but I don't enjoy the whole 'come watch little niece sing/dance 😍' and then enduring a painfully shit performance, 'Wow look at what little nephew has drawn' and it's a dreadful mess/ordinary drawing, and so on.

When kids do things like throw tantrums or make a scene in public and their parents do that 'ah isn't she adorable' look, I just don't get it.

When I'm sitting having a coffee and they come over to me/others to pester them and the parents leave them to it as if everyone must find their children as wonderful as they do, I don't get that either.

Babies I have no interest in either. I don't want to cuddle a small person or pull silly faces and coo over it.

I really enjoy people and I'm sure I'll have much more time and patience for my nieces and nephews when they grow up but I seem to be considered some sort of monster for not having an interest in children.

OP posts:

pandarific · 01/10/2016 20:44

It's quite funny to see the butthurt coming out.

No kids, love mumsnet.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 01/10/2016 20:47

Have you got any children furry? It's just that you're talking bollocks and I'm interested to know if you're 'children aren't real people' theory has much RL basis.

oblada · 01/10/2016 20:47

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and feelings so no YANBU. However I find it quite sad to have people categorised by age group as a blanket rule.
I am not very sociable and do not like loads of people. I like some people and ignore a lot of others. Same goes for kids. Or older people. Actually kids can be pretty fun if you pay attention to them in the right way. And of course it depends on the age group. I find some of DD (5)'s friend pretty funny I have to say. Others I don't really care much for as I don't find I have much in common or understand them much. It is all about paying attention IMO.

SolomanDaisy · 01/10/2016 20:47

I was on here for ages before I had kids. I wouldn't have started a thread about not liking children because that would be twattery on a site 'by parents for parents'. There are lots more interesting things to post about on here. There's a whole sub Reddit to go on if you're interested in discussing how much you dislike children.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 01/10/2016 20:49

Every child is different so I can't see how you can generalise. I love seeing the world through children's eyes and melt at the sight of a baby but obviously we're all different.
I can be quite childish and laugh at silly things so I get on famously with most children .

It can be to my detriment though as I work as a nanny and often fall in love with the children and find it hard to say goodbye at the end of a work contract.

I think I would be more comfortable hearing you say, "I don't enjoy looking after children" or "I don't have the patience to spend time with children."

ImogenTubbs · 01/10/2016 20:49

Well, the thing with children is that (as I think someone famous once said) that they are just people who haven't lived very long. You'd be asking too much of yourself to like them all but you might just find some are preferable to others!

ShastaBeast · 01/10/2016 20:51

I have kids and am not keen on other kids generally, my own are loved but I do look forward to them being older so we can talk about more interesting things and enjoy activities together. I wouldn't advise not having kids based on someone disliking other people's kids, however it's bloody hard and it seems impossible not to have a life dictated by the kids, and that often includes other people's kids.

hesterton · 01/10/2016 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FurryDogMother · 01/10/2016 20:51

Oo, gonetosee, you're one of those rude people aren't you? No, of course I don't have children, because I do not like them. Try to keep up :)

DeadGood · 01/10/2016 20:53

I don't ever think I will "like" a child (that isn't related to me). Yes they are all different, and some I will prefer to others, but I don't think I will ever have a friendship or particular desire to see a child.

I'm not particularly keen on adults either though so that might have something to do with it

ShelaghTurner · 01/10/2016 20:53

Proto-people? Wtf? That's the single most stupid thing I ever read on here and there's been some competition. So my 8yo is less of a person than the 20yo toddlers who I read about on here sometimes because of what? 12 years of mollycoddling?

pictish · 01/10/2016 20:54

Can you imagine if I started a thread

"I dislike the elderly"

Never liked em. I don't find them attractive to look at, good company or interesting to listen to. I have a few great aunts and uncles and obviously love them but don't enjoy the whole 'come and spend time with them' and then enduring an afternoon listening to their drivel. 'Come and have lunch with your great aunt' and it's a dreadful bore, and so on.

Why is everyone falling over themselves to agree with the OP about how dreadful their kids are?

OP - whatever.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 01/10/2016 20:55

If you don't have children, furry, unless you teach them or care for them professionally, I think it's highly likely that you know any well enough to announce that they are proto people. You clearly have no idea just how much children are like adults. Some bits of us are grown up and some are still childish. It's actually the same with children.

As a rule of thumb, try not to diminish the humanity of any people group. Other people find it offensive.

CoolToned · 01/10/2016 20:55

We're the same OP!

FurryDogMother · 01/10/2016 20:56

Shelagh, it rather depends on what your definition of 'person' is, doesn't it?Ours just differ, is all.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 01/10/2016 20:57

If you're covered as a person under the human rights act, you're a person and it's offensive to suggest otherwise, even flippantly. Not that you sounded flippant furry. But perhaps you're a dog.

Original poster

HonestJan · 01/10/2016 20:59

Crikey! Sorry to offend, I do see how it seems goady to start a thread about disliking children on a site called MUMsnet, however, it isn't my intention to slate kids. I was genuinely trying to ask if it is a real problem and if so, why? In real life people just seem so aghast at the idea of me not liking them and we don't really get any further than that.

I accept children are people but obviously they are very young people who I have zero in common with and I guess I miss the point in putting effort into getting to know them because it seems entirely pointless to me. What are we going to talk about? And that's if they can talk! The stranger children approaching me in the coffee shop, what am I supposed to say? "Hello, terrible weather we're having isn't it?" That would be my normal approach to a stranger but doing that to a child would result in them staring blankly at me. I just can't do the whole 'hello, how old are you then?' '5'... now what?

OP posts:

FurryDogMother · 01/10/2016 21:00

I'm with Billy Connolly on the 'offensive' thing - feel free to be offended, but I don't actually give a fuck :) I just don't like children, and I have - you may find this hard to believe - met a few, and even spent weeks living in the same house as some. Not a fond memory. Some people feel the same about dogs, or cats, or - indeed - chickens. I'm quite fond of most animals (though not all) but just find children difficult to deal with. Perhaps if they came without parents I'd enjoy them more :)

DesolateWaist · 01/10/2016 21:02

I think there's something a bit sad about hanging around a parenting site if you haven't got kids.

Some of us are here for the support on infertility if thats OK with you. Sorry of you find that sad.

PerspicaciaTick · 01/10/2016 21:06

Proto-human is an awful way to describe a child, it is just a marginally gussied up way of saying sub-human.

You can't redefine "person" to exclude vast numbers of humans. Well you can, but history shows what tends to happen to those who end up being labelled as less human.

alfabal · 01/10/2016 21:07

Ok, I'll bite and be one to ask a question - you're not a monster, obviously. But since you've said it worries you, I wonder if you have any unresolved issues.

I don't mean that to be a patronising eye-roll worthy statement as it won't be true for everyone - but often if we don't like someone or a "type" of someone, it's because they remind us of an aspect we don't like about ourselves.

There's one theory that in getting to "like" your own inner child, you find actual children less annoying. It might be psychobabble nonsense for most people and I'm fully prepared for others to snort at it, but I think there was a real element of truth in it for me.

I had an difficult childhood and actively disliked children and found them annoying, until my 30s when I'd worked hard to resolve my issues, and realised how abusive it had actually been growing up. How much I hated being "needy", and how perhaps the kids I saw jolted memories of my own hatred of my childhood and so on.

That's about the time I realised I didn't really hate kids as such, and I might actually want them after all, and eventually found I might be a halfway decent mum too.

That's a bit of a simplification and probably not relevant for most people and probably not for you OP either, but I always think it's telling when people get overly defensive (as I always was) about "not wanting kids oh no I just don't like them, I hate them, they're pointless and boring and horrid, urghhh".

It just comes across a bit too "trying to convince themselves not me" and to me feels like they're ignoring a problem or a need inside. Again - not true for everyone, but for some I think.

(Ironically of course we're now battling infertility. Bloody typical!)

Judydreamsofhorses · 01/10/2016 21:07

I'm not a mum, arrived on the forum via a Google search a year or so ago which led me to Style and Beauty, which is where I mainly stay - I dip in and out of the trending threads on the sidebar like this one. I think lots of the site is interesting/relevant to non parents. (I'm choked with a cold, in my pyjamas and watching X Factor as I write this - that is a bit sad!)

Supertrooperloopthelooper · 01/10/2016 21:09

That is fine. You don't like children. A lot of people don't. But you are generalising and stereotyping horribly. I don't think it is lovely and cute when my kids melt down/tantrum. I am embarrassing, sometimes angry, self-conscious and humiliated. I hide these things and manage it calmly but I am well aware people must be irritated. I have a kid with SN who is a teenager so meltdowns can sometimes be very public. I find it upsetting and excruciating but am aware he has little control. Same with art, singing etc. Why would people be interested except close family, and tbh, fuck them, I have faked interest for them, they can do it for me. The only things I have "showed off" are amazing things - national awards, great school results.

I don't think your behaviour is odd or a sign of being discerning. I think you are looking for praise. Don't have kids if you don't want to. You don't need validation. However, if you really are surrounded by people who act as you say, you need to break away from the indulgent parenting tools and get new friends. I don't know anyone who acts like that! (Except my own sister very occasionally)

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 01/10/2016 21:10

In all honesty, there's nothing wrong with you OP and I'm surprised you think your feelings are rare. Where I live people are falling over themselves to say that they don't much like other people's children, so it's definitely not an unusual feeling.

Children often don't present terribly well (because they're not bothered) or else they have been trained to entertain, which is equally false.

If you were left alone with a child, you'd find there was nothing very different about the relationship you ended up with than if you'd been getting to know an adult - except there would be more boring moments and paradoxically, more funny moments too.

Now thta I have children, I'm amazed by how much pressure others seem to feel about 'being good with them'. They have their stock lines and you can see them feeling awkward and wanting the ground to swallow them if the child doesn't respond. And the child often doesn't respond because the stock lines people use with children are crap and repetitive.

If meeting strange children, I would keep it very casual and talk in a respectful, confiding tone about what they're wearing relative to what you're wearing, playing with or what you'd like to eat in an ideal world. Keep it very concrete (weather observations are fine but say what you like or don't like). Don't ask questions at the start unless to ask a very simple pieces of genuine information. Be prepared to rattle on for a bit. They'll realise you're going to behave 'normally' and it will be a revelation.

Only1scoop · 01/10/2016 21:10

Op Yanbu you sound like me
I have a dd but have never felt broody in my life, babies bore me to tears and I ALWAYS dine in child unfriendly places

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