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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I dislike children.

378 replies

HonestJan · 01/10/2016 19:51

What is wrong with me?

Never liked em. I don't find them cute, sweet, funny, interesting or entertaining. I have a few nieces/nephews and obviously love them but I don't enjoy the whole 'come watch little niece sing/dance 😍' and then enduring a painfully shit performance, 'Wow look at what little nephew has drawn' and it's a dreadful mess/ordinary drawing, and so on.

When kids do things like throw tantrums or make a scene in public and their parents do that 'ah isn't she adorable' look, I just don't get it.

When I'm sitting having a coffee and they come over to me/others to pester them and the parents leave them to it as if everyone must find their children as wonderful as they do, I don't get that either.

Babies I have no interest in either. I don't want to cuddle a small person or pull silly faces and coo over it.

I really enjoy people and I'm sure I'll have much more time and patience for my nieces and nephews when they grow up but I seem to be considered some sort of monster for not having an interest in children.

OP posts:
WankingMonkey · 02/10/2016 14:36

I don't really like other kids tbh. I don't not like them either as such but I find them fucking annoying most of the time.

My own, its different. But even my niece annoys the hell out of me almost constantly. I often feel weird for feeling this way, I am glad to see this seems to be more common than I thought. Had myself down as a bit of a monster and have never admitted this before Grin

Horsemad · 02/10/2016 14:38

I don't really like children - my own are ok 😉 but other people's? No thanks.

It especially makes me cross when people I work with choose not to use afterschool/holiday care Confused and we have their little darlings in at work. The kids are usually ok but I object to them being there because their parents (who are generally the better paid employees) are too tight to pay for childcare.

oblada · 02/10/2016 16:54

I have to say you have some odd friends and neighbours :) lol I've never gone round to friends and family and made to watch any sort of cringe performance, I've not had anyone push their babies onto me (I am not that great with babies anyway, I don't want to make them cry, some I feel comfortable with and if so I just offer to take them from the mother's arms) and I haven't had any child come to stare at me in a coffee shop (kids tend to go to other kids rly not aduts alone in my experience) and I haven't done/allowed any of the above with my kids...

Having said that I stick to my view: you're afraid of kids because you don't understand them. You cannot dislike them per say as you don't know them. I understand disliking the odd behaviours you mentioned above, but disliking all kids is different. You think you have nothing in common with kids but I would bet anything that this is not true.
And just to say; I've had very witty/interesting/funny discussions with children :)

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 02/10/2016 17:33

Try discussing stuff with adults instead.
I have had too - but I don't have to do that at home, thankfully.

paxillin · 02/10/2016 17:44

I think you are entirely normal, OP. I know only 2 childfree people who are keen on children.

glueandstick · 02/10/2016 17:46

Can't stand kids. Utterly irritating.

My own fart I can deal with and love to pieces.

Only1scoop · 02/10/2016 17:47

Jan great post
Makes perfect sense where I'm standing....

Lorelei76 · 02/10/2016 17:56

OP
"I don't believe you've ever sat in a coffee shop and had a dog approach you, hover around your table and stare at you while their owner looks on at you like you're the inappropriate one for it engaging in pointless chit chat. "

if a dog tried to engage me in chit chat, pointless or deep and meaningful, I'd be impressed Grin

Janey50 · 02/10/2016 17:59

Until I read this thread,I was beginning to feel that I was a bit strange,not liking children very much. I have one DD,whom I love dearly and one DG,who is my pride and joy. But as for other people's kids? Nah. Not really interested tbh. I am not the slightest bit maternal,but could not imagine not having ANY children,so I had the one. The few people I have admitted my feeling re.kids to have given mixed reactions. One acted like I was a child murderer.Shock Another said 'Why have a child yourself if you don't like them?' (it's different when they are your own) and yet another totally understood and said she felt much the same. I have no interest in small babies,have never felt remotely broody,all I feel when I see a very small baby is 'All that broken sleep and night feeds? No thanks!' As for small children/toddlers screaming on public transport,don't get me started......same goes for 'being pestered' by children in coffee shops or restaurants etc. But I am a nice person,really! Show me a cat/kitten or dog/puppy,any animal actually and I go all gooey.

Only1scoop · 02/10/2016 17:59

I must admit I used to hate that while standing in a queue....DC in arms over parents shoulder, they keep turning around and looking as if to say 'why are you not engaging with my baby'

Only1scoop · 02/10/2016 18:02

Janey thought I was alone Grin one dd who is obviously beyond awesome but never ever have felt broody and run off terrified if ever offered someone's newborn. Found babies boring all my life....

Daydream007 · 02/10/2016 18:24

There is nothing wrong with you. Lots of people don't like children.......sadly sometimes not even their own! I like most children but some I find irritating. I like my own, of course!

crashdoll · 02/10/2016 18:54

So, why did you name change to post this?

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 02/10/2016 19:45

Only1 That's not why they're turning around I expect. As an introvert, I find it screamingly awkward when my baby grins at people (for agonisingly long periods of time) and they then expect you to smile at them in turn and discuss the baby. If you don't give a little half-look to see if they consider it time to stop smiling at the baby and talk about him instead, you look incredibly rude.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 02/10/2016 19:48

kali I agree the site is for everyone...who doesn't undermine parents and make their lives harder.

DesolateWaist · 02/10/2016 19:49

So only people who you agree with the Gone?

Only1scoop · 02/10/2016 19:51

No I've had different experiences to what you describe, and so has a friend as we have commented on it in the past.
The parent keeps turning and looking as if expecting us to coo.

Boiing · 02/10/2016 20:08

I think I agree with gone? Mumsnet was set up as a site for parents to offer support to each other? I don't care if others want to use it (although I do find it a bit odd), but coming on a site called mumsnet to announce you dislike children is just stupid. Are you off to a gardening forum next to mull over your loathing for plants? Or just heading to a cafe to complain you dislike cake? Or maybe a zoo so that you can ask the visitors why you hate animals?

Only1scoop · 02/10/2016 20:11

I don't find it odd at all, I came here via a google link to a gardening query and also a tele addicts thread.
Many others have also I reckon

Banderwassnatched · 02/10/2016 20:19

I've never liked this 'I hate children' thing- children are people. I would hope you wouldn't say 'I hate older people', for example. And such comments are often accompanied with a list of places where children "should not be allowed"- like they're second class citizens.

mathanxiety · 02/10/2016 20:37

I believe if people have a problem with posters who are not parents (or mothers) posting here, then they should take it up on the Site Stuff topic.

I think we should try to avoid insensitive remarks on unflagged threads because as we have seen, there are posters here who would very much like to be parents and carry a burden of great sadness because they are not.

mathanxiety · 02/10/2016 20:49

I doubt any of you go to your friend's house for a cup of tea and have to sit through a deafening performance of their great gran singing Let it Go when really you just want a chat with said friend.

When I was a teen many of my friends had elderly relatives living with them and now that I am many decades older many of my friends have their parents living with them.

As a result, I have had many encounters with people's elderly relatives that were not quite belt-it-out renditions of 'Let it Go' but gave me a similar feeling of being held captive and forced to smile and nod my way through 45 minutes of something I didn't really want to do, because they happened to be there when I visited friends.

It doesn't mean all elderly people are going to bore me rigid or irritate the pants off me with their opinions or anecdotes. I think life is too short to let this sort of thing bother you to the extent that it causes you to write off huge chunks of the population.

Most of the children I know would be asked by their parents to stop bothering their mother's friend and go off and play somewhere if they attempted to entertain them. I am wondering what sort of people you know, if being subjected to this sort of performance is a regular thing, OP.

DoJo · 02/10/2016 20:53

What are we going to talk about? And that's if they can talk! The stranger children approaching me in the coffee shop, what am I supposed to say? "Hello, terrible weather we're having isn't it?" That would be my normal approach to a stranger but doing that to a child would result in them staring blankly at me.

See, that really doesn't match my experiences, either as a parent or as someone who has worked with children. If I opened up with a comment about the weather to someone, I would expect a fairly lightweight, identi-conversation which would be forgotten as I was involved in it.

If you have a conversation with a child, you never know what you might end up talking about. I was recently schooled about sea creatures by a four year old who loves Octonauts - she opened the conversation with 'DoJo, did you know that sperm whales eat giant squid' and within 5 minutes we were online checking whether a giant squid's eye is bigger than a bowling ball (indeed they can be, as we discovered).

That is the kind of conversation I would find interesting from anyone of any age, and actually most kids have an interest in something that is likely to be of interest to adults. They might not have the level of knowledge that an adult has (although quite often they will pick up facts like sponges and suprise you) but their level of curiosity, the way they think about things and the questions they ask are just as likely to produce stimulating conversation as an adult in my experience.

It might be harder to get a conversation started with a child you don't know, but only because the 'accepted topics of conversation' such as the weather etc don't really work with a small child. But that's true of a number of adults as well - if you try and talk to someone about football and it turns out they have no interest, you try and find some other commin ground, not write them off as boring or impossible to talk to.

Whilst I agree that holding someone else's baby is unecessary and you shouldn't be made to feel bad about not wanting to, I think that dismissing all children based on the fact that you don't know how to start a conversation with one is a bit of a shame.

Fortunately for you, I can't imagine most children care one way or another (not being rude about you - as much as they aren't tuned to social niceties such as discussing the weather, they also usually don't give a shit whether an adult finds them interesting or not and will find something else to do if you ignore them), but you have to accept that expressing such thoughts to their parents will be taken as an insult.

kali110 · 02/10/2016 21:14

gone the op hasn't undermined anyone. If you've taken it that way then that's you.

math i actually agree with your first part. There are posters on here ( myself included) who have lost children, trying to conceive, or looking at other ways to become parents and to state that they shouldn't be on here is offensive.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 03/10/2016 18:34

kali And if you don't take it that way, I guess that's you! That's how life goes. I stick by what I said - it's not supportive and it articulates what many parents struggle with feeling that everyone is thinking as they drag their tantruming child out of the supermarket or whatever - that they're pissing people off because their child doesn't act exactly how an adult would. It makes life harder, which is not what the site is about I believe.

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