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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I dislike children.

378 replies

HonestJan · 01/10/2016 19:51

What is wrong with me?

Never liked em. I don't find them cute, sweet, funny, interesting or entertaining. I have a few nieces/nephews and obviously love them but I don't enjoy the whole 'come watch little niece sing/dance 😍' and then enduring a painfully shit performance, 'Wow look at what little nephew has drawn' and it's a dreadful mess/ordinary drawing, and so on.

When kids do things like throw tantrums or make a scene in public and their parents do that 'ah isn't she adorable' look, I just don't get it.

When I'm sitting having a coffee and they come over to me/others to pester them and the parents leave them to it as if everyone must find their children as wonderful as they do, I don't get that either.

Babies I have no interest in either. I don't want to cuddle a small person or pull silly faces and coo over it.

I really enjoy people and I'm sure I'll have much more time and patience for my nieces and nephews when they grow up but I seem to be considered some sort of monster for not having an interest in children.

OP posts:
Manumission · 02/10/2016 01:08

"If children were a separate species then few people would choose them as pets." is a 'factual comment about children' is it then Thyme? Smile Funny, it looked like attention-seeking controversy for the sake of it.

Manumission · 02/10/2016 01:09

TBF, OP sounds a hell of a lot more reasonable than some of the other posters on the thread.

LucyBabs · 02/10/2016 01:11

thyme how is it different?

LucyBabs · 02/10/2016 01:18

Gwen I'm so happy our children don't have to be "seen and not heard" anymore.
When I think of how my Nana was treated as a young child it makes me shudder.
Children need teo be seen and heard considering how vulnerable they are. They are more likely to be abused. I'd rather they be treated as "little Kings" Hmm than the alternative!

BillSykesDog · 02/10/2016 01:41

It just amazes me people are so shocked by this and I think it's totally normal and just a part of life that different sorts of people have different preferences.

Personally love children. I find them extremely entertaining and endearing. A lot of them appeal to my silly sense of humour and I find myself feeling very protective towards shy or quiet children. I volunteer with a children's organisation because I enjoy it. I've also worked for the NHS in services dealing with the elderly and disabled and have a lot of patience to deal with people with communication difficulties and like getting to know them and spending a lot of time working with them to find out their needs when they find them hard to get across.

But I hate making small talk with adults I don't know very well and normally find it very tedious and I'm not keen on meeting adult strangers as I find it quite stressful. I avoid those situations if I can.

I don't really see how having a preference for limiting interaction with children is that much different either. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just a preference.

It seems a bit sexist to me too. Men aren't generally expected to like children and think they're all wonderful, but women are seen as unnatural and wrong if they do the same.

Gwenhwyfar · 02/10/2016 02:18

"I'm so happy our children don't have to be "seen and not heard" anymore."

When did I say that?
What I mean is that they shouldn't be the boss of the whole family and not everything needs to revolve around them.
I don't think it's good for them to be so indulged.

GeneandFred · 02/10/2016 02:44

I don't particularly like children either and I don't plan to have any of my own. OP you aren't alone.

bananafish81 · 02/10/2016 02:58

I think there's something a bit sad about hanging around a parenting site if you haven't got kids

Should the (vast majority of) posters in 'Infertility' all bugger off then? And many in 'miscarriage and pregnancy loss'. And a fair few in 'Conception'. Are the posters with secondary infertility less sad than us with primary infertility because they already have a child and we don't?

Or should we just stay in the barren ghetto because we don't have kids, and only those posters who have living children venture out into other sections? If I ever stop miscarrying will I be less sad to partake in AIBU or S&B because I'll be a mum on mumsnet?

Optimist3 · 02/10/2016 04:24

This is how I felt pre kids.

MistressPage · 02/10/2016 06:28

Hmm to the poster who thinks it's 'entitled' for a woman to want some food after actually giving birth. Getting a wee bit fed up with anyone who wants/needs anything ever, being described as entitled on this site....

Flowers to the posters dealing with infertility

But I agree that it's goady and creepy to go on a parenting forum and slag off children. And it's exactly the same as if you started a thread saying you don't like the elderly, people are people, not 'proto-humans' (ugh) or anything else based on their age. In fact you are being completely ageist and unreasonable OP.

kali110 · 02/10/2016 06:32

My god should every light hearted post have a warning light hearted so people don't get so offended?
Op doesn't like kids, big deal. She's hardly saying she wants to crucify every one she meets, just that she doesn't find them cute!
Big deal.
I like kids. I'm good with family and friends, Other people's kids, not so much.
Will people fothfsof with the 'why did you join a parenting site'
This is not just a parenting site!
It may have started off like that, but it is no longer just that.
Take it no dads, grandparents have ever posted on here ever then?
People trying to have a baby?
People bereaved? Hmm
I hang around the makeup, relationships the animal section and aibu.
Clearly don't need a child for that.

JeanGenie23 · 02/10/2016 06:40

I don't dislike children, I do often dislike the parents though! Wink

I think it's perfectly acceptable to say children aren't for me, but it's wrong to right off a generation of people. Plenty of children out there are wonderful and generous and totally loving without any expectation, (unlike many adults)

JeanGenie23 · 02/10/2016 06:41

Having said that my dd woke up at 5.30 this morning so I am still a bit grumpy with her! Blush

miserablesod · 02/10/2016 07:26

I absolutely have no time for other people's annoying offspring. They grate on my arse and for this reason alone i don't hold playdates with other peoples snotty nosed germs on legs.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 02/10/2016 07:28

I think that it's odd that it's not enough to dislike children but that you need to announce to the people around you that this is how you feel and refuse to hold their baby for a short while. I'd understand that you'd have to speak up if they were foisting their children on you for a week.

I dislike dogs, cats, most pets really. But I don't go into people's home and complain noisily about how annoying their animals are. It's just so unnecessary.

I think it's a bit affected to build an identity around disliking children. What are you trying to demonstrate to people when you announce to a room that you can't tolerate their children?

Its one thing to not be maternal and I think that's fairly easy to understand and most reasonable people are relaxed with that but it's quite another when you make plain to parents that their children are beneath you.

WaitrosePigeon · 02/10/2016 07:35

There are some very weird and creepy people on this thread who are embarrassing themselves. Cringe.

Costacoffeeplease · 02/10/2016 08:14

I think there's something a bit sad about hanging around a parenting site if you haven't got kids

Ha ha ha Grin

I don't have kids, never wanted to, am now 51 and post hysterectomy so the ship has well and truly sailed

I have managed to be on mumsnet for about 10 years, and posted lots and lots of times about travel, cooking, dogs, cats, tv, books, radio, relationships - are my thoughts and opinions worth less because I don't have children? Is my advice on whether to go to Venice or Lisbon less informed?

I don't post on recommendations for good AI hotels for under 5s because I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than go to one - I don't advise on schools, birthday parties, breastfeeding vs formula etc - the parenting parts of the site are very easily avoided

ToastDemon · 02/10/2016 08:19

Costa we've been on a few of these threads together over the years!
I've name changed more often than you though. Smile

Costacoffeeplease · 02/10/2016 08:21

Ha ha - I can't be arsed most of the time Smile

ToastDemon · 02/10/2016 08:22

Indeed. The joys of being asked what I'm doing here by someone who registered last week....

DetailedConfusion · 02/10/2016 08:24

When kids do things like throw tantrums or make a scene in public and their parents do that 'ah isn't she adorable' look, I just don't get it

Yeah - because parents do this. That look is 'sorry about the noise but I have to stick to my guns here'.

Costacoffeeplease · 02/10/2016 08:24

I think there's something a bit sad about hanging around a parenting site if you haven't got kids

This just makes child free women seem like we're staring longingly at all the 'mothers' through a fence, like cream cakes in a shop window. As if! Grin

heron98 · 02/10/2016 08:26

I went to see a friend and her newish baby yesterday. I cooed over him but declined the offer to hold him. I was a little bit scared tbh! I am really not a baby person.

However when he's older I like to think I'll engage with him a bit more and play with him.

Wordsaremything · 02/10/2016 08:36

costa Grin

pictish · 02/10/2016 08:41

This thread is just stupid. Something has gone off kilter somewhere along the line, whereby those who proudly hate kids and wish to insult them, are arguing about their entitlement to do so on the busiest section of a parenting forum. Stop it.

You don't have to be a parent to post here...but posting to scathingly hold children in contempt and scorn parents is fucking rude. There is a large facebook community for that shite...go and be amongst your own over there. Observe some basic manners here.
It's not difficult.