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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I dislike children.

378 replies

HonestJan · 01/10/2016 19:51

What is wrong with me?

Never liked em. I don't find them cute, sweet, funny, interesting or entertaining. I have a few nieces/nephews and obviously love them but I don't enjoy the whole 'come watch little niece sing/dance 😍' and then enduring a painfully shit performance, 'Wow look at what little nephew has drawn' and it's a dreadful mess/ordinary drawing, and so on.

When kids do things like throw tantrums or make a scene in public and their parents do that 'ah isn't she adorable' look, I just don't get it.

When I'm sitting having a coffee and they come over to me/others to pester them and the parents leave them to it as if everyone must find their children as wonderful as they do, I don't get that either.

Babies I have no interest in either. I don't want to cuddle a small person or pull silly faces and coo over it.

I really enjoy people and I'm sure I'll have much more time and patience for my nieces and nephews when they grow up but I seem to be considered some sort of monster for not having an interest in children.

OP posts:

TaterTots · 02/10/2016 08:41

It's the idiots claiming the OP is being 'passive aggressive' who make me laugh. That has to be the most overused term on Planet Mumsnet, tossed around like a hacky sack. There's nothing aggressive in the OP's comments as far as I can see - but even if you disagree, the thread title is 'I dislike children'. Where is the passive bit?

Costacoffeeplease · 02/10/2016 08:44

Sorry Pictish I didn't see your thread police badge there

pictish · 02/10/2016 08:45

It's not 'policing' ffs...it's basic.
If you don't understand that you are a lost cause.

WaitrosePigeon · 02/10/2016 08:46

I think Costa is trying to be funny Pictish, cringe

TaterTots · 02/10/2016 08:48

Pictish - OP asked a perfectly reasonable question. Several other posters with children understand how she feels. It's just people like you who are unnecessarily picking her to bits.

DetailedConfusion · 02/10/2016 08:49

I wouldn't go to a bikers website and start a thread to announce that I really hate bikes.

Personally I don't care if some childless people on mn hate kids...whatever. But actually starting a thread on a parenting site, just to tell everyone that you hate kids is just stupid. And odd. And makes me wonder if it's a case of 'the lady doth protest too much' tbph.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 02/10/2016 08:49

I don't think anyone would think twice about who uses mumsnet (parents or not parents) provided everyone respects the basic purpose of the site, which is to support parents and make their lives easier.

Being a parent in RL can be quite hurtful and stressful because getting your children to behave isn't always easy. People, whether they are parents or not, criticise your child rearing skills and you can end up feeling vulnerable and like your kids are a nuisance and you haven't got a clue what you're doing.

Mumsnet is mainly supposed to be a safe place where you can say ' this is hard' or whatever and know you're speaking to safe people who are on your side. Sometimes other parents using the site don't respond appropriately but they're usually pulled up sooner or later if that is the case.

People who are happy to say they don't like children and clearly really don't like them to the point of not having any (which is different from a parent saying they can't stand their kids that day) are exactly the kind of people that many struggling parents come on mumsnet to get away from.

Believe it or not, when you've had children and it's too late to change that decision even if you wanted to, it's incredibly hurtful to feel a not-so-silent audience is watching you thinking 'your kids are unlikeable and obnoxious, you are a fool for bringing them into a public place where they will lob their banana over the high chair and my day is spoilt because your five year old stared at me when he walked past my table'.

Unless you've been there, you probably don't know so take it from me -parents are probably feeling a lot more vulnerable deep down than you realise and the reason they have trained their children to ' perform ' for adults is that they're trying to get it right in the eyes of the world.

So while I really don't think anyone cares who uses the site, respect what it's here for. If you do that it's highly unlikely that you will be accosted by 'hurtful' questions about what you're doing on a parenthood website if you're not a parent.

If you want to find support for a lifestyle that it intentionally child free, I genuinely don't think this is the place for that kind of dialogue because it seems impossible to have it without discussing why having children is rubbish and how parents of children are annoying.

pictish · 02/10/2016 08:50

No, she's being confrontational.
Not cringing.

WaitrosePigeon · 02/10/2016 08:51

Yes, confrontational is probably right....

I cringe very easily on here these days. Lots of weirdos about!

pictish · 02/10/2016 08:51

Tater I didn't specifically have the OP in mind when I wrote that post. I can see other posters it equally applies to.

Costacoffeeplease · 02/10/2016 08:52

Telling people to 'stop' is thread policing

I'm a lost cause you must know me irl

The only time I started a vaguely (very vaguely) parenting related thread I was accused of being a journalist (shudder)

tundell · 02/10/2016 08:54

Oh FFS why would anyone come on a parenting forum to state this!

I don't particularly enjoy the endless "watch me dance" from my own children or other people's but I do it the same as I would listen to my BF moan about her relationship woes endlessly!

Of course a child's art is not going to be a da Vinci copy but how hard is it to actually say "oh lovely I love those colours"

Do you think you might be hasty in saying you "don't like" when it is more an example of you not knowing how to relate to a child?

ToastDemon · 02/10/2016 08:56

Actually and on a serious note, reading about parenting experiences on here had helped me understand and support my friends and family with children, far better than I otherwise would have. It's taught me precisely how hard an undertaking it sometimes is, and how not to be smug and judgemental.
I don't see that it's any other poster's place to say who should or shouldn't post here though. That's really up to Mumsnet and the mods, not anyone else.

tundell · 02/10/2016 08:56

I suspect so as you call a baby "it" and not "them" suggesting you are unable to relate a child to a human being

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 02/10/2016 08:56

The OP has a perfect right to state her opinion! Good grief.

Mozfan1 · 02/10/2016 08:56

The thread was obviously started to create a bun fight, so well done op.

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 02/10/2016 08:57

A single baby is not a "them". It is a he or a she or - an it. Or is the grammar wrong, too?

Costacoffeeplease · 02/10/2016 08:57

Yes I agree Toast there are things I've read on here that would never have occurred to me

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 02/10/2016 08:58

Wow toast so this is what you're like post -smug and judgemental?

The mind boggles.

Costacoffeeplease · 02/10/2016 08:59

Oh toast, come and join me on the lost cause bench

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 02/10/2016 09:00

"pictish

No, she's being confrontational.
Not cringing."

I understood the "cringe" to refer to what others - but particularly the writer - felt when they read your posts.

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 02/10/2016 09:00

...might feel...

pictish · 02/10/2016 09:02

'Stop' is also very basic. As in...if you are doing something wrong, such as hammering nails into the dining table, you should stop. You should not argue with the owner of the table that you don't have to be eating something in order to be in the dining room and that you can hammer nails into the table if you like.
That is where 'stop' comes into play. Do you see?

Costacoffeeplease · 02/10/2016 09:03

Costacoffeeplease · 02/10/2016 09:04

I'm a lost cause. Remember?

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