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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have wanted more than toast?

400 replies

Womenareliketeabags · 01/10/2016 17:17

First time posting in AIBU so please be kind and I'm prepared to accept I am.

A few weeks ago I had a planned home birth, birth went well until the placenta was delivered at which point I had a large haemorrhage and was rushed to the nearest labour ward in an ambulance. By the time I had been sorted and I got my coffee and toast it was 01.30am and I hadn't eaten since lunch at 12.30pmish so I was very very hungry! Coffee and toast was lovely. However it did not ease my hunger, the kind midwife offered to see if they had a spare sandwich lying around, there wasn't so she made me some more toast. As I had been rushed in I didn't have my purse and my hospital bag only had very basic stuff, was middle of the night and DH had left at this point so I had no way of getting food from else where.

AIBU to think that labour wards should be able to access food for women at all hours of the day and night?

OP posts:
WhingyNinja · 01/10/2016 21:11

I got sod all after DD and surgery, be grateful for what you did get, I'd have killed for toast!

YABU, sorry.

IceIceIce · 01/10/2016 21:12

Never thought about this as I didn't eat after mine anyway for about 24 hours. But I think your other half could have gotten you something more suitable than macdonalds. It's 2016 there are plenty of 24 hour supermarkets and garages.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/10/2016 21:13

Lovely idea phalenopsis. Though I'm sure h&s would get in the way.

Maryann1975 · 01/10/2016 21:15

I had one hospital delivery and then two home births. One of the things that put me off hospital births was the food. I had dd1 at 10.30pm after being in the hospital since 6am and surviving on two bits of toast all day. After giving birth I had a slice of toast before being moved to the ward in the middle of the night. I wasn't giving anything else, although I probably had snacks in my bag ad had one of them.

At breakfast time, I could hear the staff going round the ward asking ladies if they wanted toast. When they opened my curtain and asked where my breakfast was, I answered that I hadn't had it yet, but yes, I'd have some toast please. I was told off (and reduced to tears) and told I wasn't allowed toast, everyone else was as they had c sections the day before, but I had to go to the day room to collect my cereal.

The little boxes of cereal were clearly stored in the unit, but only available for breakfast. Luckily DH came in with pastries and other lovely breakfast things, but honestly, 4 bits of toast and a kids box of cereal is not sufficient for a labouring/delivering/recovering/bfing new mother.

Yanbu thinking you deserved something else, but I also know my Granda was admitted to a and e at lunch time and moved to a ward late that night (late being 11pm) and was not given anything until breakfast the next morning, which I thought was equally dreadful.

mirime · 01/10/2016 21:15

Yanbu.

When I had ds, I had breakfast at about 8am, wasn't allowed to eat after that as it was an induction. By the time I'd had ds, been stitched up and taken to the high dependency ward it was 12.30am, so 16 and a half hours. It was dh who pointed this out and I was brought a sandwich (best sandwich ever, it was divine!) and a cup of tea. Dh then had to leave straight away (probably shouldn't have been allowed on the ward anyway, but I'm grateful they let him say goodbye and show me a photo of ds who was in SCBU).

I'd had an epidural and had a catheter in so having my purse and some cash wasn't going to get me food.

MargoReadbetter · 01/10/2016 21:26

OP, having worked in hospitals I agree there should be a canteen open at night for staff and visitors.

SummerRains · 01/10/2016 21:36

The hospital I had my dc in have vending machines in various sites. I think some do snacks but others do sandwiches/pasties and so on. So 24 hour access to some food.
Though I had packed plenty of snacks for both of us and more supplies in the boot of the car we did not need vending machines. I was in for over a week and my dh brought a flask of hot porridge for me to eat each morning which was welcome, as I could not walk down to the room where breakfast was ( a help yourself place) for a few days.

MargoReadbetter · 01/10/2016 21:43

The vending machines are pretty empty by the middle of the night and they don't have hot food. There's also no one to complain yo when they just steal your money :)

TheCaptainsCat · 01/10/2016 21:44

YABU, toast served on an NHS branded plate post childbirth is a rite of passage!

SaucyJack · 01/10/2016 22:00

I think, in an ideal healthcare system, post-natal services would be able to recognise that women who haven't eaten for the previous 12-24+ hours may be hungry once they've recovered from the shock of delivery, and would need more than a couple of slices of toast to make up for the missed meals. But obviously the NHS is not a bottomless pit, and no one ever died from being peckish, yadda yadda yadda.

I took a bag full of cheese and onion slices in with me for DC 2&3. Learnt my lesson first time round.

Any expectant mothers reading this thread; do take note and pack a bloody sandwich. Or four.

Or five even. Just to be safe. All I remember of my first night of motherhood was the hunger. So, so, so hungry Sad

wtffgs · 01/10/2016 22:13

I hear you. The midwives don't have the time or facilities to rustle up meals but it would be nice if someone could do something for newly delivered mums who are likely to be hungry at inconvenient times. I don't suppose it will happen given the full scale dismantling of the NHS. Otherwise, partners should bring stuff in. My X fucked off home and abandoned me. I got toast and a chocolate mini-roll. A
Bit shit really, given I hadn't eaten for 24 hours Sad

Lindy2 · 01/10/2016 22:43

*I'd rather the NHS concentrated their time and money on medical care not catering.

but providing adequate nutrition is part of the medical care*

But the OP wasn't starving. She had had some food and drink she just would have liked more. Being a bit hungry for a while, until the next scheduled meal, isn't really a serious medical condition. It isn't great but it could have been solved with a bit of forward thought and planning.

Mari50 · 01/10/2016 22:45

YABU!! When I had DD I went in on Thursday 3pm I got something resembling dinner about 5pm then I wasn't fed until sat am 5.30. Somehow the music thinks that women who aren't fed or given any form of nutrition/energy are in good condition to give birth after 24 hours. It was no surprise to me there were ketones in my urine but this stopped my water birth option. Being exhausted and having had nothing decent to eat or drink for 24 hours didn't help. I eventually delivered by emergency c section 36 hours after starting my induction. I honestly don't think the imposed fasting helped in anyway, the medicalisation of childbirth (which is why food/drink is avoided as far as I know) doesn't help anyone.

Mari50 · 01/10/2016 22:47

YABU because you could at least stuff your face prior to birth!!! Hehe

Coconutty · 01/10/2016 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lindy2 · 01/10/2016 22:51

Mari that is a long time without food.A lot more than the one missed dinner of the OP. Why were you not provided with foid for a whole day? Was no one with you who could have gone out and got you food?

DonkeyHotay · 01/10/2016 23:05

YANBU. I agree with you Op. Women give birth 24/7 and offering food would be most welcome. Fruit, cereal, something.

I hasn't eaten in over 50 hours and was really hungry.

Lightsoffplease · 01/10/2016 23:15

YABU, sorry. I arrived at hospital fully dilated and had a marathon of nearly 2 hours pushing my 2nd DC out and survived on wine gums and water and only an hour or so later was offered tea and toast.

Considering delivering a baby is free, unlike in most developed countries, you should just grin and bear it until sociable hours or when you're able to pay

FrameyMcFrame · 01/10/2016 23:29

I don't agree with the pps saying be thankful for a bit of toast.

You've given birth, possibly lost a lot of blood and have probably not slept and eaten for many hours. You're then expected to breast feed and care for a newborn baby. With no fuel in the tank.

Bloody hell, feeding women properly should be a priority! I bet new mums in Europe/US get proper food after labour.

Lightsoffplease · 01/10/2016 23:47

I had had dinner at around 7pm, which I brought up and had loose bowels later on. At 2pm we arrived at the maternity unit, I gave birth to ds at 4.58am and had tea and toast at 6.30 -7am. I survived to tell the tale - my pulse amd blood pressure was checked at regular intervals. Unless you had a medical condition to this, such as gestational diabetes, then I'm not quite sure why you could not cope on coffee and toast ConfusedConfused

mirime · 02/10/2016 00:02

I can't believe people think it's unreasonable to want something more than toast to eat after giving birth!

I can't remember now if I'd packed snacks. I think I had but I couldn't reach the damn things anyway as I couldn't move my legs. I don't think a sandwich is too much to expect. Less work than toast surely, just grab a pack from the fridge! Though if my husband hadn't mentioned it I don't think I'd have got anything.

Amalfimamma · 02/10/2016 00:03

Bloody hell, feeding women properly should be a priority! I bet new mums in Europe/US get proper food after labour

nul points from the Italian state hospitals.

Us is a paid health care system. Whoever can afford insurance/or to give birthin a hospital without insurance deserves a 10 course meal with champers and cigars after birth

OlennasWimple · 02/10/2016 01:30

I'd bet a lot of money that if men were admitted to hospital in the numbers and similar circumstances to birthing mothers (irregular hours, not necessarily ill but in need of some TLC and help getting life with a new human off to a good start), there would be proper food available, even at 3am.

I hate that we are our own worst enemies sometimes.

sentia · 02/10/2016 08:01

Considering delivering a baby is free, unlike in most developed countries, you should just grin and bear it until sociable hours or when you're able to pay

Delivering a baby is not "free"! I've paid an astonishing amount in taxes over my working life (and this as an immigrant so I haven't used a great deal of public services ever). Some of those taxes have paid for health services.

Also, it's a meal, it's not a treatment costing tens of thousands. I'm fairly sure the NICE guidelines don't say "patients who have just given birth and haven't eaten for over a day can be left to starve because, you know, they won't die and they should really quit whinging and be more grateful".

Poor postnatal care is a known cause of PND. PND costs the system and the country many thousands more than providing proper post natal care like a decent meal post birth would.

neonrainbow · 02/10/2016 08:03

I'm shocked at some on these stories of women being left for hours and days with no food and of women being physically unable to get out of bed but still having to get up and find breakfast! The nhs is not failing because of women wanting more than a bit of toast in 24 hours!

Good warning for me when i deliver my twins though. Pack my bag full of food.