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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have wanted more than toast?

400 replies

Womenareliketeabags · 01/10/2016 17:17

First time posting in AIBU so please be kind and I'm prepared to accept I am.

A few weeks ago I had a planned home birth, birth went well until the placenta was delivered at which point I had a large haemorrhage and was rushed to the nearest labour ward in an ambulance. By the time I had been sorted and I got my coffee and toast it was 01.30am and I hadn't eaten since lunch at 12.30pmish so I was very very hungry! Coffee and toast was lovely. However it did not ease my hunger, the kind midwife offered to see if they had a spare sandwich lying around, there wasn't so she made me some more toast. As I had been rushed in I didn't have my purse and my hospital bag only had very basic stuff, was middle of the night and DH had left at this point so I had no way of getting food from else where.

AIBU to think that labour wards should be able to access food for women at all hours of the day and night?

OP posts:
WankingMonkey · 02/10/2016 22:49

As I said earlier I got toast and tea and it was the best thing I have ever eaten/drank. Of course, most people would appreciate more but if the funding isn't there it isn't there. You can get a meal the next morning.

The stories of not being offered anything for days are ridiculous. I can't believe that goes on and it is unacceptable

Our local paed ward (we visited a lot with DD when she was younger) had their own kitchen that parents were allowed to use. Stocked with cereals, fruit, bread, stuff for tea and coffee..and mainly, sandwiches in the fridges for it you missed the food trolley. Unfortunately there was a mixup at some stage and a parent helped themselves to a sandwich that was off and had been overlooked during stock rotation (sandwiches were in packets with dates clear on them...so you know, its possible to double check yourself). Parent got ill the next day, blamed it on the sandwich...and made a huge fuss which is the only way I knew about it. She was proper screaming at the staff at one stage, it was upsetting all the kids. Next time we went there, no sandwich option. And hasn't been ever since.

So yeah, even sandwiches and the likes seem to cause a headache for hospitals so I understand why they just go down the toast route. It only takes one dickhead to ruin it for everyone else.

JellyBelli · 02/10/2016 22:51

Its true our NHS is being eroded, but expecting a Frist World hospital to have a basic canteen is not lazy or entitled.
Lsoing the canteen is a symprom of erosion, not a cause.

Not everyone has people at their beck and call to bring in food.
Nort everyone goes in under ideal, planned circumstances.
Even if you take money if there is nothing to spend it on its useless.

crashdoll · 02/10/2016 23:11

I'm on fence. Some people are acting as if the only thing on offer is toast. It's not. It could have tided her over for a few hours until breakfast. Also, a baby is not a surprise (well, not in this case anyway), OP could have planned a bit better. On the other hand, I do think it would be sensible and not expensive to have a few things like cereal bars and packets of crackers. They have longer dates than pre-made sandwiches and yoghurts.

Of all the things that need improving on the NHS, I'm afraid this isn't anywhere near top of the list. However, maybe this thread is a good thing because it's a reminder to pregnant women to remember things like snacks after birthday.

Congrats on your little one though, OP. Hope you are both doing well. :)

ladycardamom · 02/10/2016 23:21

Hey, YANBU should be able to access more food at night, however I would imagine all the ward would be stocked with is a couple of loaves of bread.

Eyedrophell · 02/10/2016 23:29

After I had DS1 my toast was mouldy. I was so hungry I ate it Blush. Then was moved to a side room and forgotten about, no water, blanket for Ds, was 7 hrs before anyone checked on me (I was too embarrassed to make a fuss). With DS2 I was prepared and had a bag full of snacks which I ate all through the night after I had him was took to ward at 3am, had him in triage (he was in a rush!)midwife in the morning showed me the self service station that had bread, tea, crackers - probably a good job I didn't find it until morning as I would have ate the lot and woke the whole ward! Was an amazing facility.

CandODad · 03/10/2016 07:15

- it's being eroded by views like yours - normally by men who want to kill the NHS

If only a woman were in charge of the government. Oh, hang on.

Isn't part of he problem though that lower expectations lead to further erosion? Ten years down the line it could easily be "AIBU to not expect to pay for my meals while in hospital"

aprilanne · 03/10/2016 07:26

in our local hospital nhs staff are not allowed into ward kitchens .because a private contractor ie serco runs the catering so once they have made the 8 oclock cup of tea thats it .i used to work there .so think yourself lucky yu got toast .in scotland i have never heard of anyone being offered anything but t and toast after birth if at night,

Ledkr · 03/10/2016 07:26

After my section dd was taken back into hospital at 4 days old with pneumonia.
I was obviously with her but the hospital would not feed me as I wasn't breast feeding.
Well
A I have had a mastectomy.
B dd had a cleft palate so would t have been able to breast feed.
C I was 4 days post op and could hardly walk to the shop or hospital cafe.
There weren't facilities for parents apart from a vending machine with chocolate in. Nowhere to warm up a ready meal or suchlike.
We were 15 miles away from home so couldn't totally rely on dh to bring stuff as he had dd1 at school.
My MW came to do a post natal check and went mental!
They fed me after that but only if there was spare food Smile I thought it was really odd that they would feed an able bodied breast feeding mum of a one year old but it a post op mum of anew born.

sentia · 03/10/2016 07:48

If only a woman were in charge of the government. Oh, hang on.

After getting irate upthread about deliberate hyperbole this is a bit rich. She's been in charge for about five seconds, she's the first woman in decades to be in charge, and the majority of both elected and non-elected people in government and the civil service are, and continue to be as they always have been, men. So yes, in all likelihood this is a situation caused by policy decisions made by a male majority. To say anything other than that is to ignore facts.

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 03/10/2016 07:59

Ledkr I'm a children's nurse and have worked in several hospitals and we have never been allowed to feed mums, some won't even let us feed bf mums. If management found out we can get in trouble. Just can't do it I'm afraid. That's not to say I wouldn't have made you toast and a cuppa.

Also it is possible to bf with a cleft.

CandODad · 03/10/2016 08:12

Okay then, let's eliminate hyperbole and put it simply.

Let's not be sexist since there have long been men and women in the cabinet that can effect these decisions. It's not a male/female divide on NHS provision.

sentia · 03/10/2016 08:16

You think that men and women get an equal say in the running of major government departments? I think that's quite an optimistic and naive viewpoint.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 03/10/2016 08:26

Yep, toast was all I got after two late night births. As other posters have said the NHS can't afford to have catering staff on duty 24/7 at all hospitals. It's not unreasonable to expect a vending machine on site for snacks, but if your DH left you without money that wouldn't have helped either.

expatinscotland · 03/10/2016 09:00

'Why are people always so unsympathetic'

Because it was a temporary thing for the OP. She got the tea and toast at 1.30am. Breakfast is at, what, 7 or 8? It's not like they starved her for days.

Penhacked · 03/10/2016 09:07

Totally sympathise! I packed those French toast things, a jar of jam and a jar of peanut butter along with my own tea bags, cup etc the second time round! I literally had a hospital bag just for my food stash. Oh and wholemeal biscuits, apples, bananas. Wasn't taking any chances! I was bloody starving and I didn't like waiting for when the hospital deem it is breakfast when I've been up in The early hours feeding starving newborn. I do think it isn't out of the realms of possibility to have that kind of stuff stashed somewhere for the very very hungry! I was all set up in the morning eating when the trolley came round. The dinner lady made some PA comment about no need for my breakfast and I just waved it on to say I was a hobbit and yes, I would still need by second breakfast.

Wixi · 03/10/2016 09:20

I had an emergency C-section at 00:17 in the morning, with no food or drink afterwards until breakfast at 7.00 am. I didn't even think about being hungry I was more concerned with my daughter.

yeOldeTrout · 03/10/2016 09:29

OP implies the quantity of toast wasn't limited. (Only toast is a problem for gluten-intolerant people, fair enough).

I'm confused by people who think that lots of toast can't be filling.
No wonder folk are so fat.

LineyReborn · 03/10/2016 09:32

LetsJunglyJumpToIt: "I'm a children's nurse and have worked in several hospitals and we have never been allowed to feed mums, some won't even let us feed bf mums."

I find this really crap. A lot of women giving birth in hospital are there for medical reasons, and are patients, often quite unwell and immobile, yet find themselves being regarded as hotel guests.

I found the lack of concern about nutrition was mirrored by the lack of concern about administering medication and carrying out tests, lack of basic of courtesy over privacy and toilet needs, and very poor hygiene practices.

When I was a medical patient a few years ago on the respiratory ward, it was completely different. I had staff fussing over me 24/7 about nutrition, tests, treatments. Hygiene was faultless.

How very different from the same hospital trust's ante-natal and post-natal wards.

scarednoob · 03/10/2016 09:39

I can see why you were cross, but I do think it's your responsibility, sorry. I was on the ward for a few days after having DD, and one night had to order something at 1am (newborns make surprisingly good plates Grin).

I was also on the ward before having her with GD, and there wasn't a single thing on the menu I could eat - breakfast in particular was toast or cereal or fruit juice, none of which you can have. I just had to suck it up and sort myself out. I am surprised she didn't come out looking like a mini babybel or a peanut!

MrsHathaway · 03/10/2016 09:42

I'm confused by people who think that lots of toast can't be filling. No wonder folk are so fat.

Toast is very filling but it isn't very satisfying for everyone.

I went to boarding school where hot buttered toast was considered one of the triad of panaceas (the others being off-brand Strepsils and hot tea) so it's definitely comforting to me Grin

yeOldeTrout · 03/10/2016 09:47

"Satisfying" is about the emotional needs that food fulfills...?
I feel like that's an arrow back to why so many of us are fat.

falange · 03/10/2016 09:49

YABU. It's a hospital. Not an all night cafe. They gave you food. Be grateful.

MrsHathaway · 03/10/2016 09:50

I'm not arguing with you. The disconnect between "full" and "satisfied" is almost certainly why I'm fat, let alone anyone else.

But it also explains why people on this thread are saying toast wouldn't fill them up. Because they mean they'd still be wanting to eat even if they'd had half a loaf.

LineyReborn · 03/10/2016 09:56

I was also refused a second piece of toast (after not eating for a day and a half, as an in-inpatient) in the same cats-bum way I was told that they couldn't take me for the Doppler scan my consultant had ordered because they were 'far too busy'.

Maybe my DP should have performed the Doppler scan, looking back.

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 03/10/2016 10:03

YABU. It's a hospital. Not an all night cafe. They gave you food. Be grateful

Oh how very fucking sad. The attitude towards other labouring women on here is awful sometimes. Labouring around 16 hours will burn around 50,000 calories - it's the same as running a marathon. Even labouring for half of that is still a staggering amount.

So NO it's not a lot to ask for - an extra piece of toast when you have just been through that ordeal. Which it is - a major traumatic ordeal on a women's body. Then add on to that breast feeding calorie loss, a huge loss of blood and hormones, some times shock, sometimes major - head up arse, so actually an extra piece of fucking toast and a bit of tea and understanding and CARE is not going to break the NHS.

WTF is wrong with some women on here? Confused