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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday party at our wedding venue

129 replies

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 01/10/2016 09:38

I probably am...

Dh and I got married 3 years ago near the town I grew up in. Hired out a little village hall. When we found it it turned out my dad knew the manager, but none of my family had been to anything there before.

Lovely wedding, lovely little hall.

Dm text this week (group message) to say she's going to book the hall for her birthday party. I know I don't have eternal dibs on the hall but i just don't like it - and sounds silly I know. She can be quite suffocating (unintentionally I'm sure) and this feels like an extension of that.

So. Aibu to feel this way... and wibu to say something?!

OP posts:
IrregularCommentary · 01/10/2016 09:44

Yabu. I'd say it comes across as a compliment to your choice of venue, she obviously liked it and knows other people did too.

Don't really get your reaction tbh. Surely it'll be nice for you to have an excuse to go back there?

AbyssinianBanana · 01/10/2016 09:45

You need to demand the next little girl who has her Frozen birthday party at the same village hall take down her Elsa crown because you had your wedding there and only you can ever never ever be the princess there. Wear your wedding dress and tiara when you go confront the birthday girl.

MycatsaPirate · 01/10/2016 09:46

Completely unreasonable.

Your wedding was three years ago!!

MouseholeCat · 01/10/2016 09:46

All I can say is AIBU sometimes does a public service in letting people air this stuff before they mention it in RL...

SeaCabbage · 01/10/2016 09:46

Presumably you don't like your mother very much and now it seems like she is even trying to spoil your memories of your wedding by associating her own celebrations with your venue in your head.

On the face of it you sound unreasonable, but from the little you have said there must be a huge back story which would show a different side I am sure. I think you should have explained more so that people might understand.

Anyway, sounds like you won't be able to do anything about it. Your mother will never change. Sadly I think you are going to have to put up with it. Hopefully the hall will look completely different with different decoration etc. Failing that, you could get completely drunk so that you don't remember any of it. And your wedding will remain an unblemished memory in your mind. Flowers

Original poster
RevealTheHiddenBeach · 01/10/2016 09:47

God I forgot how quickly Aibu moves! Must be underlying, you are quite right it's ridiculous, as I wouldn't mind other events (friends nearly got married there on our suggestion so I'm not precious about a hall)

It's clearly personal (and yes one thing in a list) so I will suck it up and shut up!

OP posts:
GipsyDanger · 01/10/2016 09:47

I get you. I got married in a beautiful small castle on a hill, a local venue. I wouldn't go to another wedding there if I were envited.

LagunaBubbles · 01/10/2016 09:48

I feel a bit loss for words that someone could actually have this reaction to be honest!
Would you have this reaction to ANYONE in your circle booking the hall or just your Mum, because you haven't said what it is you don't like?

Whatsername17 · 01/10/2016 09:50

I get where you are coming from. We had a beautiful listed building for our wedding - big ball room and very fancy. Then my cousin hired it for her 30th birthday party. I felt a bit like 'it's too special for a birthday party'! I think it was because it had cost us so much money, taken so much time to find that then I felt a bit meh. But, like you say, very unreasonable to feel that way and you can't have dibs on a venue. I didn't say anything, got over it quickly and had a lovely time at the party. So, yes, YABU but I get it.

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 01/10/2016 09:50

YABU. Your wedding was three years ago!

Your DM must really get on your nerves if this upsets you.

Original poster
RevealTheHiddenBeach · 01/10/2016 09:50

With the exception of banana who seems to have made the entire everest region out of a molehill, thank you for the opportunity to air a thought so that I don't make a twat out of myself irl.

I love my mother dearly but she is tricky.

OP posts:
JakeBallardswife · 01/10/2016 09:51

That's what's good about mumsnet, you get to ask the question's / dilemmas and not make a tit out of yourself with your real life answer!

fastdaytears · 01/10/2016 09:52

I love my mother dearly but she is tricky.

I think most of us can identify with that!

Queenbean · 01/10/2016 09:54

No no no OP, don't you know how AIBU works?!

You're meant to come on and ask AIBU, then argue and argue that you're not actually unreasonable. Preferably adding some dripfeeds.

Agreeing you're being unreasonable on the first page is not on at all!

AbyssinianBanana · 01/10/2016 09:54

No, I made a joke and you're projecting OP.

TheFallenMadonna · 01/10/2016 09:57

Oh, I think it would be lovely to go back with your DH and remember the wedding. In fact, I think I am going to revisit our reception venue next time we are down visiting parents.

PollyBanana · 01/10/2016 09:57

I got married in Northern Ireland at the height of the Troubles.
Due to IRA bombings, there was normally only a choice of a few decent hotels standing at any one time...

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/10/2016 09:58

Love how the OP has accused banana of making a mountain out of a molehill Grin The irony....

Original poster
RevealTheHiddenBeach · 01/10/2016 10:00

Sorry queenbean!

Okay just for you (and I hasten to add this part is fictional!)

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

Dm refused to come to my wedding because it was in the same month as her birthday and tried to persuade my sister (who was maid of honour) to refuse to go too in protest, and now she has deliberately put this birthday party on the same say as my ds's graduation

So clearly all you vipers no NOTHING and are all just hating me because of my grammar. Sob.

OP posts:
Queenbean · 01/10/2016 10:02

Thanks Reveal, that's much better Grin

Although I'll wait to see the posters who miss the bit that it's fictional.... :)

What other issues do you have with your mum that could make you feel like this?

Original poster
RevealTheHiddenBeach · 01/10/2016 10:05

We are probably heading towards the part where I should disappear for 12 pages anyway queenbean!

Tbh (and especially after a few years on mn!) They are all seriously minor and probably more me, but they are unaired so that doesn't help. It is all just stupid little stuff!

OP posts:
DudeWheresMyVulva · 01/10/2016 10:07

Good on you reveal.You have balls to post this in AIBU and tremendous grace to acknowledge you WBU. :)

I am sorry about the underlying issues though. Is there anyone you can work through those with? (easier said than done with family I know!)

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 01/10/2016 10:08

What's the betting OP won't be back because she didn't get the responses she wanted?

Or this is a reverse.

Secretmetalfan · 01/10/2016 10:09

Yabu see it as a compliment she loved your wedding venue

breakfastbap · 01/10/2016 10:09

YABU. Completely. Its a public village hall that anyone can (and have) used / use. It isnt 'yours'. I doubt your mum even considered it to be a problem - I wouldnt .

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