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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be angry at my DH? [Title edited by MNHQ]

114 replies

MyBreadIsEggy · 30/09/2016 07:58

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with DC2, suffering with SPD. We already have 17 month old Dd. I'm a SAHM, and general everyday things are getting a bit harder as I get fatter, as you would expect! But my DH seems completely oblivious to that
I posted a couple of weeks ago having a whine about how we'd had a bust up because he doesn't do anything around the house or with DD without me asking him to do it. That has been resolved to a certain extent, but if I'm honest, I've just got sick of having to give him the simplest of instructions, so just get on with it by myself.
My reason for wanting to kick him square in the dick this morning, is his complete lack of awareness when it comes to dd's night time antics!! We appear to be in the throes of a sleep regression. Up until a few weeks ago, Dd has been a great sleeper, but all of a sudden she's up at least every 2hrs in the night, and wakes for the day between 5 and 5:30am. DH says he "doesn't hear her". We have a baby monitor by the bed, and even without the monitor, she can easily be heard through the wall Sometimes when I hear her wake up chatting to herself, I lay there for a good 5-10 mins to see if DH is going to do anything, and he never does!! I've even turned the volume all the way up on the monitor and placed it above his head, where the sound of Dd yelling and singing is unbearably loud, and he still doesn't acknowledge it!! I refuse to accept that he "doesn't hear her"...if I opened her bedroom window, half the fucking street would hear her!! I do all of the day time child care which is knackering enough at 35 weeks pg, but now I'm also dealing with every single night waking too - which is at least 4/5 times every night.
AIBU to be completely and utterly exasperated by this?! I don't think I am.

OP posts:

StrangeLookingParasite · 30/09/2016 11:48

I do wish most some of you would just fuck off back to netmums wherever you came from. Your sanctimonious prattle derailing every thread is tedious. If you don't like a thread title you don't have to click on it, there are plenty of others. If you don't like MN there are plenty of other twee more boring gentle little mummy places. Seriously, stop trying to change MN to suit your own sanitised little view of of the world. Please.

This. Oh yes indeed, this.

Original poster

MyBreadIsEggy · 30/09/2016 11:50

StVincent it's definitely just a regular, plastic, baby monitor....not a full size cctv monitor. You're right - I'm sure it being dropped on his duvet-encapsulated shoulder was oh-so traumatic....he's probably at A&E getting an x-ray to make sure there's no permanent damage
scallop that's another thing actually that makes me almost certain he is just pretending to be asleep: when I have brought it up, by telling him how many times Dd was up that night, he says well that will be my problem when the new baby comes so he's well aware of it. He just appears to be choosing to ignore it. Kind of seems like he's trying to fill up his "sleep bank" now before we have a newborn again. which when I think about it, is really pathetic!

OP posts:

TheMaddHugger · 30/09/2016 11:53

OK. Spray him with pepper spray THEN taser him

Nigglenaggle · 30/09/2016 11:56

I have no rff so apologise if this has been said. DH used to give me the same, until we instigated a sleep rota ie I sort out dcs one night, he does another. Whatever ratio you think is fair taking into the his work etc. It seems Dh genuinely is a very deep sleeper. If he knows he'll have to get up, subconsciously he doesn't sleep as deeply and the noise does wake him. Especially now we are into the swing of it he's much better. It's worked for us. Good luck!

StVincent · 30/09/2016 11:58

"that will be my problem when the new baby comes" - meaning his problem or yours?

Is he basically saying he'll only look after his child when you're fully occupied with another of his children?

scallopsrgreat · 30/09/2016 12:17

When do you get to fill up your sleep bank, Eggy?

He really does think that his needs are more important than yours. When a man tells you what he's like, believe him.

Edmond - sorry I disagree. I do think its important that you didn't compare like with like but worded it as if it were. It feeds into the narrative that the OP's issues are trivial and that in fact she is being the abusive one. She isn't being abusive, having a vent in a third party environment. He on the other hand...

ItShouldOfBeenJess · 30/09/2016 12:18

mybread. He needs to know there is no such thing as the sleep bank....I fell for this fairytale in the latter months of pregnancy. Nope. It's a fallacy. You need sleep, too.

I don't understand PPs who suggest it's because he has to work. What is OP doing all day? Curled up under the duvet? Get real, folks.

Original poster

MyBreadIsEggy · 01/10/2016 07:35

Sorry I've been MIA....I went to my friend's yesterday afternoon when DH got home, and I'm currently sat on her sofa with a cup of tea, deciding where we are going to go shopping today!!
DH was fine when I told him that's what I was doing, and then I texted him to let him know I'd arrived (it's quite a long journey), and asked him to do a few jobs in the house that I'd left. Funny old thing, he had already done them without me asking!!! So he is either feeling bad about Thursday night and is trying to redeem himself, or he has just done the jobs because he has no choice because I'm not there to do it for him!

OP posts:

glenthebattleostrich · 01/10/2016 07:58

Well he's shown he can do it so he has no excuse from now on.

He does more of the night wakings or all the housework. After all its stay at home parent not general skivvy for the Lord and master of all he surveys.

And, do you remember (before the daily ducking mail cunts started using this site as their main filler) when people were bright enough to be able to tell that angry people vent so they don't loose their shot at home? You know, the days when if you'd caught your husband wanking over pictures of your best mate you could say you wanted to cut his dick off. We all knew you wouldn't but you could get your anger and upset out so you could deal with the issues.

Afreshstartplease · 01/10/2016 08:12

Sorry your having a rough time eggy

My dp once told me after a similar incident that he doesn't do these things because he knows I will

People say you sleep different once you have DC because you aware of them being there, I do wonder if this doesn't apply if you know someone else will deal with it

hellofrom · 01/10/2016 08:14

He needs to step up pronto. You need to be rested to house and delivery the baby.

He needs practice at looking after his child so he's better with the second one. Then you won't have to worry anymore.

He needs to be your partner or you'll take away his PlayStation

Original poster

MyBreadIsEggy · 01/10/2016 08:17

hellofrom I did have a sneaky plan to "drop" the PlayStation in a horrible "accident" while we were moving house.....but then I felt bad so decided against it!!

OP posts:

glenthebattleostrich · 01/10/2016 09:53

No, don't drop the PlayStation, you'd look vindictive.

Let the toddler loose with toast and jam. You tried to stop her but are so knackered and sore you couldn't get up in time ;)

vdbfamily · 01/10/2016 10:26

I do think the not hearing thing can be genuine. I used to wake at the slightest sound of all our babies but DH would not hear. When my youngest was a year old I had to go to Scotland for a friends 40th and was away 2 nights. We had a 1 year old, 2 year old and 4 year old. I was usually getting up a least a couple of times nightly to one or other of them and the 1 year old had still been breastfed until week before. When I got home, DH had slept through both nights insisting no-one had woken up. They were all quite happy and no disasters had happened.

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