Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to be angry at my DH? [Title edited by MNHQ]

114 replies

MyBreadIsEggy · 30/09/2016 07:58

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with DC2, suffering with SPD. We already have 17 month old Dd. I'm a SAHM, and general everyday things are getting a bit harder as I get fatter, as you would expect! But my DH seems completely oblivious to that Hmm
I posted a couple of weeks ago having a whine about how we'd had a bust up because he doesn't do anything around the house or with DD without me asking him to do it. That has been resolved to a certain extent, but if I'm honest, I've just got sick of having to give him the simplest of instructions, so just get on with it by myself.
My reason for wanting to kick him square in the dick this morning, is his complete lack of awareness when it comes to dd's night time antics!! We appear to be in the throes of a sleep regression. Up until a few weeks ago, Dd has been a great sleeper, but all of a sudden she's up at least every 2hrs in the night, and wakes for the day between 5 and 5:30am. DH says he "doesn't hear her". We have a baby monitor by the bed, and even without the monitor, she can easily be heard through the wall Hmm Sometimes when I hear her wake up chatting to herself, I lay there for a good 5-10 mins to see if DH is going to do anything, and he never does!! I've even turned the volume all the way up on the monitor and placed it above his head, where the sound of Dd yelling and singing is unbearably loud, and he still doesn't acknowledge it!! I refuse to accept that he "doesn't hear her"...if I opened her bedroom window, half the fucking street would hear her!! Angry I do all of the day time child care which is knackering enough at 35 weeks pg, but now I'm also dealing with every single night waking too - which is at least 4/5 times every night.
AIBU to be completely and utterly exasperated by this?! I don't think I am.

OP posts:
ProfessorPreciseaBug · 30/09/2016 09:02

Op,
You are a sahm and your dh is earning the roof over your head and putting food on the table. He will never see the children grow up. He will never see their first seeps. All he will see is ling hours of work and then bills to be paid. It has been forever thus throughout most of history. Inded Captain Cooks wife raised their four children and burried all of them alone.

You want him to work for the money to keep you then do house work and look after children when he gets home.

Of course he can loose the job and you can all be poor living on benefits.

StrangeLookingParasite · 30/09/2016 09:04

Would it be ok if he posted saying he wanted to kick you in the cunt because you keep trying to wake him up to see to a child who doesnt need attention?

It is very obviously frustration based hyperbole - why is this so bloody difficult to see for quite a few posters? My god, the preciousness.

Soubriquet · 30/09/2016 09:06

Oh fuck off ProfessorPreciseaBug

They aren't her children they are both of theirs.

Means he can pull his own weight when it comes to childcare too

Original poster
MyBreadIsEggy · 30/09/2016 09:06

So I should just put up and shut up like a 50's housewife because Captains Cook's wife did it all by herself 300 years ago? Hmm Forgive my stupidity!! Makes perfect sense now Hmm

OP posts:
Specialapplek · 30/09/2016 09:07

If your DD is not crying hysterically I'd just leave her be. I can hear my DD wake up in the mornings and she's generally content to play with her toys for about 45 mins or so before crying for us.

If he doesn't hear her, wake him. My DH is a deep sleeper and honestly cannot hear DD's crying. I'm a SAHM and usually deal with DD's night antics as DH has to work in the day. But I'm also 38w pregnant with DC2. After falling down the stairs (landed on my ass, luckily) about 4 weeks ago whilst going to make up a bottle for DD, I no longer hesitate to wake DH up for DD.

Do what you have to!

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 30/09/2016 09:07

Jesus! If he is sleeping through it which I very much doubt he is, get up switch the light on and wake him up so he goes to deal with her. This passive aggressive behaviour does nothing except anger you.

ItShouldOfBeenJess · 30/09/2016 09:07

Erm, where does Captain Cook come into this?!

Lozzie12 · 30/09/2016 09:07

As a military family and one that's undergone deployment I think he may well feel as if he's not really sure what to do / how best to deal with her. I think others are right, if she's singing and chatting then you don't really need to get up with her, she's safe and happy, although I realise a little annoying for you as you can hear her. My advice would be that especially with a new one due imminently you need to sit down together and talk about what your expectations are and you will have to specify exactly what you want. Without actually talking together you are both going to become more disgruntled with each other.
Just another thought after a tour in Afgan he will have been used to screening out all noise except "emergency" noise, he may literally not be hearing her.
It may well also be worth looking at a set of black out curtains for her room and also considering if there is anything such as a boiler coming on that disturbs her. Good luck, lack of sleep is so draining.

Original poster
MyBreadIsEggy · 30/09/2016 09:09

And if you'd RTFT, you would see that my DH is in the forces. I have no choice but to do it all by myself a lot of the time, so I don't think expecting him to put his own laundry away or take responsibility for half of the night waking is too much to ask!

OP posts:
Original poster
MyBreadIsEggy · 30/09/2016 09:15

Lozzie I do get that - I'm ex-military myself and definitely understand the "filtering out noise" thing, but he's not been on tour for over a year...I've been there and done it, so I know from experience!

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 30/09/2016 09:20

The thread title is fab and I think a Taser to his nuts might get his attention

((((((((((Hugs)))))))MyBreadIsEggy

No, No i'm not usually violent. Why do you ask ?

EdmundCleverClogs · 30/09/2016 09:20

I also find the title too much. I don't then get the OP and others joining in with the eye-rolling and 'urgh it's just lighthearted'. Those who don't find ok are not being precious - if a bloke joked he wanted to kick his wife in the cunt, no one would think it was funny.

Anyway, to answer the actual post - no you're not being unreasonable. However, some people are ridiculously deep sleepers. I've had out baby literally wailing in bed with us, and my partner not stirred! It's frustrating, especially when tired and even more so with the evil SPD. Yes, he has to pull his weight, and you have to actually wake him up/tell him or he won't get the message.

Professor, that was quite an odd thing to write, are you ok Confused.

Dieu · 30/09/2016 09:25

Ditch the baby monitor; at night when you go to bed, pop a couple of toys and a book in child's cot to amuse her when she first wakes up; get decent earplugs.

MycatsaPirate · 30/09/2016 09:45

You forcefully threw the baby monitor at your DH? If you were a man saying that, it would be the main thing picked up on.

Have you tried talking to him and suggesting that he takes two nights a week doing the early mornings and you do the rest? You say he's got better at doing house stuff and spending time with DD after talking to him so maybe you should actually try this instead of throwing the baby monitor at him at 4am.

scarednoob · 30/09/2016 09:48

and the prize for "least helpful poster of 2016" has an early winner - it's [bold] ProfessorPreciseaBug.

I work long hours and I still see plenty of my child, thanks. working does not absolve you from childcare!

Original poster
MyBreadIsEggy · 30/09/2016 09:50

Mycat not forcefully threw it as if I was intending to hurt him. More like I picked it up from the floor on the side of the bed and dropped it on him as I left the room!
I am going to go to my friend's tonight and then he will have no choice but to parent Hmm although actually leaving Dd does fill me with worry. I'm worried that he will just do the bare minimum for her, i.e. feed her and only change her nappy when it get to leaking point - as that's what has happened when I've gone out for a few hours before. Leaving her overnight makes me very nervous.

OP posts:
neonrainbow · 30/09/2016 09:53

So yeah then you assault him with the baby monitor. Why is it ok for women to be abusive to their husband but not men?

t4nut · 30/09/2016 09:54

If the child is just waking up, chattering to herself for bit then going back to sleep why do you have the baby monitor on at 17 months? If you're going in every time you're training her to wake up and chatter and mummy will come running to amuse me.

In different stages of sleep its possible to sleep through quite significant levels of noise or disturbance.

Tiredqueen87 · 30/09/2016 09:57

It's a similar set up at ours, i do everything, DP seems to be completely and utterly oblivious to things that needs doing, no help is offered whatsoever. DD is 6 months now and I had SPD, still didn't make him want to help out. Some men are bloody useless.
If I bring it up we end up arguing so when I'm really getting pissed off he he's a long arse text in the day about things, it's not an angry text it's just how I feel.
Sorry late to thread

Tiredqueen87 · 30/09/2016 09:58

That's meant to say 'he gets a'

Notso · 30/09/2016 09:58

Have you tried talking to him about this?

Original poster
MyBreadIsEggy · 30/09/2016 10:00

ODFO neon Hmm
You are only here to derail the thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyBreadIsEggy · 30/09/2016 10:03

t4nut I explained further up, the monitor is obsolete now, it's just on out of habit which I will put a stop to - but even without the monitor, out walls are paper thin and I can hear everything as if she was right next to me anyway. She starts with just chattering to herself, then starts yelling "Mama! Mama!" at the top of her lungs, and then gradually when she starts to get bored, she will start with a really high-pitched squeal. I'm sure this is just a regression, because up until about 7 weeks ago, she's been a great sleeper! There's been no change to her routine whatsoever. The only thing I can put it down to is a developmental spurt because she's really come along with her speaking over the last month or so!

OP posts:
HeyNannyNanny · 30/09/2016 10:05

All you need to do is reverse the genders in this to see how unfair the language and behaviour of the OP is.

Yes, the husband is being unfair by not doing Hus share but there are better ways if dealing with it.

Chewbecca · 30/09/2016 10:07

Glad to see you've decided to dump the monitor.

When DS was small, I genuinely did not wake up anything like as readily as DH did, I really didn't hear noises on the monitor and slept through them. The only thing that woke me was DH poking me if it was my 'turn'. Unfortunately that meant he woke too but we couldn't see what I could do to ensure only I woke and not him. (Except sleeping in separate rooms of course).
Thankfully, the night waking phase was fairly short lived.

Swipe left for the next trending thread