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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to be angry at my DH? [Title edited by MNHQ]

114 replies

MyBreadIsEggy · 30/09/2016 07:58

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with DC2, suffering with SPD. We already have 17 month old Dd. I'm a SAHM, and general everyday things are getting a bit harder as I get fatter, as you would expect! But my DH seems completely oblivious to that Hmm
I posted a couple of weeks ago having a whine about how we'd had a bust up because he doesn't do anything around the house or with DD without me asking him to do it. That has been resolved to a certain extent, but if I'm honest, I've just got sick of having to give him the simplest of instructions, so just get on with it by myself.
My reason for wanting to kick him square in the dick this morning, is his complete lack of awareness when it comes to dd's night time antics!! We appear to be in the throes of a sleep regression. Up until a few weeks ago, Dd has been a great sleeper, but all of a sudden she's up at least every 2hrs in the night, and wakes for the day between 5 and 5:30am. DH says he "doesn't hear her". We have a baby monitor by the bed, and even without the monitor, she can easily be heard through the wall Hmm Sometimes when I hear her wake up chatting to herself, I lay there for a good 5-10 mins to see if DH is going to do anything, and he never does!! I've even turned the volume all the way up on the monitor and placed it above his head, where the sound of Dd yelling and singing is unbearably loud, and he still doesn't acknowledge it!! I refuse to accept that he "doesn't hear her"...if I opened her bedroom window, half the fucking street would hear her!! Angry I do all of the day time child care which is knackering enough at 35 weeks pg, but now I'm also dealing with every single night waking too - which is at least 4/5 times every night.
AIBU to be completely and utterly exasperated by this?! I don't think I am.

OP posts:
Lighthouseturquoise · 30/09/2016 08:25

I also hate thread titles like this. Sorry but imagine if you reversed it.

I'm amazed you're having another baby with him, was he always like this?

You really need to be saying al this to him and telling him to do more.

biscuitbot · 30/09/2016 08:25

directing their offence at genital-related-violence thread titles

Don't even joke.

Superstar90 · 30/09/2016 08:26

Ps some men just don't get how hard pregnancy is - stay with him until your new baby is a year and if by then he hasn't picked up and you feel differently - leave!

MammouthTask · 30/09/2016 08:27

Leave him with his dd. Any days that he has off, leave him with her so that you can rest (Invent anything related to the pg, incl doctors orders) and go away. Do you have a friend/relative you can go and see on a very regular basis.

Once he will have had a real go at look after his dd, he might change his tune otherwise he is just real dick and you might want to reconsider your options
Also ask him if that sort of attitude (incl no HW etc..) is acceptable when he is away. As he is I the Army, I suspect it isn't. So why is it OK at home?

neonrainbow · 30/09/2016 08:27

He isn't even doing anything particularly bad to justify the thread title. So he doesn't get up when she's bothering you not him.

biscuitbot · 30/09/2016 08:30

I get you're cross and frustrated and pregnant and its tough being a sahm.

I do think you need to try to filter out the cross language and discuss the specific problem that you need help with.

A really deep sleeper cannot help not hearing something when they're in a really deep sleep.

If she's not calling for you (our son gets terribly upset), just ignore her with some ear plugs.

And helping out in the house is a separate issue to be discussed separately.

Original poster
MyBreadIsEggy · 30/09/2016 08:31

Ok....let's imagine instead the thread title is "AIBU to hypothetically kick my DH in the dick" Hmm
Back to the point of the thread:
Superstar I don't think he does understand how physically draining it is!! I've tried to describe to him what SPD pain feels like, but it's such a strange kind of pain, I don't think you can really "get it" until you've felt it! I'm texting one of my good friends at the moment and she has suggested I go over to her house this evening (she's also pregnant, her DH works nights) and have some chill time, stay the night and go shopping in the morning....see how DH copes on his own! I'm very tempted to take her up on the offer!

OP posts:
scarednoob · 30/09/2016 08:35

dear god, what's he going to be like when the youngster arrives, is he going to expect you to deal with both kids all night?? this selfish sleep stealer needs to step up to the plate, now.

Happyinthehills · 30/09/2016 08:35

Sounds to me like because you've had sole charge you've got used to waking as your daughter wakes? I think you should ditch the monitor and you should wake him IF she needs dealing with. If she's just awake and happy, chatting to herself, maybe just let her do that, she needs to learn to be happy entertaining herself.
As for the chores, will he agree to some he will take charge of? Say bathrooms and toilets?

EveOnline2016 · 30/09/2016 08:37

What's the issue.

There is no way I could function in work with lack of sleep. When DC have had a bad night in the past and I have had work in the morning it's been hell.

If DC have had a bad night and I'm not in work then I can sit drink coffee and watch movies.

You are a partnership he does the paid work you do the house work and childcare.

Unless DP is moaning that the housework and meals are done, then I can't see the issue

scarednoob · 30/09/2016 08:37

to illustrate, my DP is a SAHD, and I work full time. so whilst I do some of the night time wakings, he does the majority of it, and if she gets up at silly o'clock, 8/10 he gets up with her to let me sleep. the other night she had her first cold and was all grumpy and waking up all night, so he slept on the floor in her room with her. I mention this not to be a smug pain in the arse, but so that you can tell him what other dads are doing if that helps.

if it doesn't, then go ahead and kick him in the crotch!

Notso · 30/09/2016 08:38

You need to put aside the anger and talk to him. Try to reach a solution, maybe he stays up later or he gets up earlier.
If he won't then you need to decide if you want to stay in a relationship with him.

Original poster
MyBreadIsEggy · 30/09/2016 08:39

Happy
The monitor will be ditched. It can stay downstairs and only be used in the evenings for when we are still downstairs and Dd is in bed.
The chores thing isn't bothering me as much as the sleep thing to be honest! I can deal with the household stuff myself.....if I'm actually getting the opportunity to sleep at night!!!!

OP posts:
ItShouldOfBeenJess · 30/09/2016 08:44

I think the issue is that the OP is 37 weeks pregnant and getting very, very little sleep. Childcare is 24/7; her DP does his hours and work and then seems to think he's 'finished'.

He's being utterly selfish, but of course, this is MN so you know, defend him....(sigh)

TotallyOuting · 30/09/2016 08:45

The chores thing isn't bothering me as much as the sleep thing to be honest! I can deal with the household stuff myself.....if I'm actually getting the opportunity to sleep at night!!!!

But it'll bother you at some point, and he'll wonder 'why now?'. Sort it all out at once. Establish that he should be pulling his weight.

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 30/09/2016 08:49

Why are there so many titles like this lately? We've had posters wanting to throat punch their exes and cut of their partner's cocks with rusty scissors.

Apart from anything else, it doesn't really help people know what the thread is about. If you put something about sleep regression in the title, you might actually get more helpful responses.

MGFM · 30/09/2016 08:51

6 weeks ago I was in exactly your position. Now I have a 3 week old and an 18 month old. Toddler also went through sleep regression at 17 months. My DH did all the night waking with him. Every single time he woke in the night screaming and he did all the 6 am starts at the weekend when we were off work. We also only go into our toddler when the whinging turns to full on histerics. Now he gets toddler up, gets him fed and gets himself ready for work whilst I have an extra hour in bed. He then takes over all toddler stuff when he comes in, dinner, bath and bedtime routine. I always go up just before bed time for bed time kisses but other than that I enjoy the sofa. I really don't know where these 'other ' men come from that don't do anything!

PrincessOG16 · 30/09/2016 08:52

Wake him up. Tell him to get up.

PrincessOG16 · 30/09/2016 08:53

Accidentally drop the baby monitor on his head whilst you're struggling to get out of bed... Grin

whattodowiththepoo · 30/09/2016 08:54

What do you want him to do when the child is just chattering? It sounds like you are bitter that he is sleeping and you aren't.

HeyNannyNanny · 30/09/2016 08:55

I'm generally not overly sensituve to this kind of thing but his behaviour doesn't deserve physical abuse. I don't care if its lighthearted, can you imagine the reaction if a man said he wanted to beat a woman for not pulling her weightvat home?

Soubriquet · 30/09/2016 08:58

Oh for gods sake!!!

The OP is not going to kick her Dh in the dick it will aggravate her SPD

It's a hypothetical question in a way to have a rant

Get over it

Goingtobeawesome · 30/09/2016 08:58

I suspect he makes out he needs "the simplest instructions" so that you'll get fed up of telling him and do it yourself. Win for him.

He does hear her. Just can't be bothered, thinks it's your job, doesn't care that your DD needs a parent.

Maybe show concern and suggest he books an appointment for an hearing test.

Stop doing his washing, cooking, etc. You can only do the bare minimum as you're so knackered and he's bringing nothing to the marriage so you need to conserve energy for necessary stuff.

CodyKing · 30/09/2016 08:59

I think OP would like to be looked after and be a priority to her husband!

She's I'll pregnancy and doing 24/7 childcare

It's not too much to ask for a bit of help

In fact she's asking for help and he's still ignoring her plight

Go see your GF and enjoy a deserved night off X

Amethyst81 · 30/09/2016 08:59

OP I'm with you kick away! I'm sure you are only saying this out of frustration, My DH too has selective hearing, bloody amazing and convenient for them isn't it? You need your rest too he's being very selfish. I have no advice as I haven't cracked this either I just wanted to say I hear ya!