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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School lunchbox police

238 replies

gertyglossop · 29/09/2016 18:04

My 4 year old daughter came home from school today and informed me that Miss X, her teacher, doesn't like it when children have chocolate in their lunchbox. She was visibly worried about it.

I have been packing her a fun sized (2 inch) Milky Way bar every day this week (last week it was mini ginger bread men, and some other small treat the week before). She also takes a wholemeal sandwich, small packet of savoury snacks and a piece of fruit. She knows that she must eat the sandwich and fruit before she eats the treat.

AIBU to resent:

A. The implication that I, as the parent, am unable to make suitable food choices for my child?

B. The complaint being made to my 4 year old child, rather than to me?

OP posts:
Kerberos · 30/09/2016 07:48

Just let it go. It's one of the school rules and is there to put a line in place. Pick where to fight your battles at school. This is not where to start. Especially in the first half term.

LittleCandle · 30/09/2016 08:02

I would be telling the teacher to mind her own business. I can see not allowing nuts - having a DC with a nut allergy, that is perfectly reasonable. However, after that, it has nothing to do with the staff what is provided for the child to eat. A fun size Milky Way is hardly going to have the child swinging from the chandeliers all afternoon. I fully appreciate that there are people out there who have less than no idea what a healthy meal consists of, and a note home about it is acceptable. Talking to the 4 year old certainly isn't and I'd be really annoyed with the teacher if she told my child not to eat certain foods from their lunch box. Does someone check the contents of her packed lunch box, and tell her not to eat that biscuit/chocolate/crisps etc? Somehow I doubt it.

LittleLionMansMummy · 30/09/2016 08:11

Ds's school has a 'no sweets/ chocolate in lunchboxes' rule. Rather like uniform rules, we knew about because they made it clear at the start of reception. So we don't pack him it (tbh probably wouldn't anyway). Didn't the school make you aware op?

Original poster
gertyglossop · 30/09/2016 09:23

So this morning, I put a cereal bar in her lunchbox in place of the fun sized chocolate. Still a treat, but perhaps more acceptable to the school.
I spoke with the teacher at drop off to clarify the school's expectations. She told me that it would be fine to continue to pack a small chocolate or cake and that my daughter must have heard and misunderstood a conversation she had had with another child.
I am pleased about this as I could find nothing on the school website or the new starters pack that referenced contraband food. The teacher was very reasonable and also put me in the picture of a couple of non-lunchbox related minor issues that I need to address with my daughter regarding engaging with her work! So I will be doing that tonight.

Job done.

OP posts:
CalmYaTits · 30/09/2016 10:02

I agree mindreader you should only ever feed your children dust.

milkyface · 30/09/2016 10:12

Sorry milkyface where do you get your information from that school dinners are unhealthy crap? I work in a school and I'm in the dinner hall every day. I can assure youthey are perfectly balanced meals and far better for children than the average lunchbox. What is sad is how many children hate eating vegetables.

They have puddings every day, and people have said below who have worked in schools.

How is it ok to have a big slab of cake and custard every day but not a fun size milkyway?

Artandco · 30/09/2016 10:16

Milky - ours defiantly don't have cake every day. The main desert 95% of the time is plain yogurt, with fruit salad and toasted oats ( or just fruit). They only get diffenent a few times a year for example Christmas pudding at Christmas, or whatever events throughout the year.

milkyface · 30/09/2016 10:20

I don't think that's the case in all schools though us it? Or even many schools.

BiddyPop · 30/09/2016 10:22

We've had newer parents to the school cracking down on a healthy eating policy over the years, so while it was a fairly lax "we'd prefer if the DCs all had healthy lunches, and we have a "no nut" policy for various allergies" approach when DD was in the equivalent of reception (and parents were allowed send in a small treat for the whole class on a DC's birthday if they wished), now in Y5 equivalent, it's a much stricter policy with guidelines and no class treats allowed for birthdays.

There is a reasonably tolerant approach taken by teachers (as long as a lunch is reasonably healthy and not constant overload of junk, a single treat item eaten with the healthy ones is generally ok). There was talk of banning popcorn, I think because of mess rather than health reasons, and yoghurt has been banned for the same reasons. Y5 teacher sees the value of her "Malteser Jar" as one of the range of rewards DCs can earn for good behavior or doing their personal best on academic challenges etc. They are also the older DCs in school so there's a big mix of what they will eat (lots don't like sandwiches, including DD who has a food flask daily with pasta or chicken nuggets or hash browns or similar) but there is generally a reasonable balance in their lunchboxes. And they are all pretty active as well, not just PE but there's a very active programme of extra curriculars after school with lots of sports and most DCs do something there.

HM plain buns used to be allowed, but are now "banned". No crisps or chocolate. Muesli or oats bars with no nuts are ok. I do think there is a more "crunchie" set of parents in the more junior years (it's a slightly crunchie school but reasonably realistic set of parents in more senior years, who care about balance rather than total clean living as seems to be in the more junior end at present).

In our case, DD brings her flask and a bottle of water daily. She also has extra things in the front of her schoolbag that she can have if she is more hungry than normal - usually it's a bag of popcorn, an oat bar, a box of raisins and maybe a small chocolate bar. She never eats all those at once, but they are long life so we can leave them there until she has a hungry day, when they are vital. In fairness, its actually usually the oat bar or popcorn that get eaten first, chocolate tends to be more on days she needs comfort.

Yokohamajojo · 30/09/2016 10:29

I love the fact that a flapjack or cereal bar is seen as much healthier than a much smaller milky way! let's compare the sugar intake shall we!

LaurieMarlow · 30/09/2016 10:39

It's not just all about the sugar content though, is it? Not going to comment on cereal bars as they're pretty rubbish, but a flapjack could have oats/dried fruit/etc. Which has nutritional content.

A milky way bar is nutritionally void.

LittleLionMansMummy · 30/09/2016 10:52

Agree that apart from sugar, a flapjack has more nutritional value than a chocolate bar. I actually thought that cereal bars do too, but that's probably just me showing my ignorance!

Pleased you've got it sorted op.

Yokohamajojo · 30/09/2016 10:57

But OP's daughter has her nutrition value in the other items in her box! Say someone had a whole wheat sandwich with Chicken, a piece of fruit, a piece of carrot and a milky way as a treat. Another one had 50/50 bread with tuna/light mayo, a yoghurt, a breadstick and a flapjack as a treat. A lunch box police then would see the first one as worse because of the milky way but not looking at the whole lunch. That's the silliness of it IMO

Lifeisgreat2 · 30/09/2016 10:58

I'm with you
They complain about the treat but if you take o look at the school menu you'll see cakes every day

WankingMonkey · 30/09/2016 11:18

Ahaha we had this with DDs nursery. We just stopped giving her sugary stuff BUT it turned out the nursery were giving the kids little packs of haribos as snacks during the day?! So the sugar stance is not as strong as they made out at all.

embo1 · 30/09/2016 11:38

Glad it's sorted! It's hard for them to understand everything going on around them at that age! It sounds like she wants to be good, which is great, but needs to learn when to listen, when the teacher is talking to her. Bless her being worried about it though!

My son's just started nursery. They were happy for him to eat all of the cocopops I took in for his breakfast when he refused to eat the snacks/lunch/tea they provided.

pinkbouqet · 30/09/2016 11:50

When we were growing up I am sure we all had sandwich, yogurt, fruit and a small chocolate bar?

I am not over weight or have fillings. Fruit can rot your teeth too you know. Make sure the kids are cleaning their teeth properly and you will be fine!

I don't think a small chocolate bar is a big deal. There is probably more sugar in some yogurts.

Also, restricting children's diets so much may result in (when they are old enough) them choosing to eat rubbish because they can.

A small sweet treat as part of a healthy diet is not a bad thing.

JustDanceAddict · 30/09/2016 13:22

I agree there is massive hypocrisy over the whole lunchbox thing. My kids' primary allowed a small choc biscuit bar like Club or Penguin, but not full size bars which are at least double the calories, and the Clubs, etc. probably calorifically on a par with what they served for desserts (portions were tiny). My kids would tell me that some children came into packed lunch with all junk food, and we are talking about some wealthy middle-class families here. My son (12) attempted to make his today- it was unsuitable so I made a couple of changes for him. My older DD packs a good lunch for herself. I am fine with them taking a choc biscuit, and then they get home before me and raid the snack cupboard, So age 4 is when you can give them healthy stuff without so much peer pressure and loss of control. I'd do the savoury snack instead of the choc. Def doesn't need both. Mine have always had sandwich or equivalent, veggies, fruit and some form of dessert and they are fine - no fillings, whippet thin and healthy.

mmgirish · 30/09/2016 13:35

I would find that annoying too actually. I'm a Primary teacher who would hate to have to police lunch boxes as I don't feel it's our place to do so. I work overseas now and all the food the students and adults eat is provided by the school. It makes snack and lunch times MUCH easier.

SleepFreeZone · 30/09/2016 16:42

Today really sums up how bloody difficult it is to ensure your child have a healthy diet.

Ds4 attends preschool half day on a Friday. Pick him up at 12pm to be told they were all given a slice of cake as a snack as there was some left over from the McMillan coffee morning. Ok I think, not great but ok. Then go to the park and one of the Mums is handing out lolly pops. I say no thank you as I hate those sort of sweets and the kids end up running around with the ends sticking out of their mouths which ends up being bloody dangerous. Son throws a mild strip but gets over it. Then another mum starts hanging out chocolate bars and bloody crisps! Tears open a family pack and hands then out to all the children. So now I have a chocolate bar in my pocket 'for later' and say yes to the crisps because otherwise I was just going to look like the devil incarnate.

I feel like I'm battling constantly to stop well-meaning people putting crap into him. Even my MIL is not happy unless he has a stream of Capri Sun and Maltesers every time he visits. Grrrr.

Bluepowder · 30/09/2016 16:45

It is hard. our school has been a sea of cake today too. I think ages 6-10 seem to be peak sugar and treat years. After that they get offered less and it hopefully becomes a bit more self regulating.

PinkSwimGoggles · 30/09/2016 17:42

...after age 10 they just go and buy themselves junk...

PinkSwimGoggles · 30/09/2016 17:46

but imo all those extra snacks and 'treat' make it more important to to add to them via regular addition in the lunchbox

BiddyPop · 30/09/2016 17:51

Today our office has been the sea of cake! Boss brought in one for tea break, while canteen staff produced one at lunch to mark a retirement.

At least I did have salad as my main lunch.

Enidblyton1 · 30/09/2016 18:10

YANBU OP. I totally agree with you.
School should have proper guidelines, clearly communicated to parents. They should not allow individual teachers to decide on their own policy.
I also agree with you that a small chocolate bar/equivalent pudding is absolutely fine as part of a balanced diet and as long as the child is getting enough exercise. (I have a friend who hardly ever allows her DC any chocolate because it's bad for her, only to drink fruit juice and full sugar squash all the time - double standards!)