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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School lunchbox police

238 replies

gertyglossop · 29/09/2016 18:04

My 4 year old daughter came home from school today and informed me that Miss X, her teacher, doesn't like it when children have chocolate in their lunchbox. She was visibly worried about it.

I have been packing her a fun sized (2 inch) Milky Way bar every day this week (last week it was mini ginger bread men, and some other small treat the week before). She also takes a wholemeal sandwich, small packet of savoury snacks and a piece of fruit. She knows that she must eat the sandwich and fruit before she eats the treat.

AIBU to resent:

A. The implication that I, as the parent, am unable to make suitable food choices for my child?

B. The complaint being made to my 4 year old child, rather than to me?

OP posts:
Optimist3 · 29/09/2016 21:31

School dinners are poor. Many of the savoury and pudding dishes are based on white wheat (because it's cheap). There's hardly any unprocessed protein or whole grain or fresh veg.

Bluepowder · 29/09/2016 21:32

That's possibly because the children wouldn't eat it.

Dinosaursgoboo · 29/09/2016 21:33

Our school insists their lunches are healthy. But have fried potato products 3 times a week and a crumble/cake/biscuit choice for pudding every day. They also have fruut, but my DD wont choose the fruit, of course. I just can't understand how these things could possibly be healthy. Dd took part in a bike to school breakfast event where she was given a free breakfast billed as 'healthy'. She ate a croissant, iced flapjack and orange juice. In whose universe is this healthy? I just can't understand it. Teacher tried to dissuade me from swapping to packed lunches but I just couldn't let her eat that every day.

Hedgehog80 · 29/09/2016 21:40

My dcs have packed lunches. Mon-thu I excel at lovely fresh wholesome lunches. Which two of them often leave a lot of (dd2 bless her eats everything as she knows she has to)
They all live for 'Friday packed lunch' though because 9/10 I have nothing wholesome left .....they know they will get an interesting mix and something 'treaty'
Tomorrow ds1 has a chicken sandwich, breadsticks and 2 chocolate hob nobs, dd 2 has a chicken sandwich Pom bears and a fruitopolis yogurt (she loves these but they are a huge treat!) and ds2 has a chicken sandwich breadsticks and a peach yogurt. All have fruit shoots as I've run out of mini bottles of water. All three will eat it all !

SleepFreeZone · 29/09/2016 21:51

I let my 4 year old have things like chocolate. I'm really weird about sweets though and won't let him have fizzy pop.

His preschool are pretty relaxed about packed lunches but I'm not sure what his primary school will be like. He won't eat sandwiches for some reason so I do struggle with what to put in. Today he had a yogurt, strawberries and blueberries, some breadsticks, a chocolate teacake and some cheese.

Crispspsps · 29/09/2016 22:30

Lunch box police aside - "a daily mini chocolate bar isn't a good choice for a 4 yo". Did I read that right? An inch and a half of chocolate? Crikey, my life priorities are clearly well out of whack. With a generally balanced diet (as much as you can get with picky kids, one of mine who is SEN) I don't think anyone should criticise a parent for giving them a small piece of choc every day, particularly if it's a treat after eating healthy things. The lifestyle judgement police are out in force on this thread!

RiverTam · 29/09/2016 22:36

Why do children need to be in effect bribed to eat healthy stuff? That's setting up a lifetime of regularly treating yourself because you've been 'good'.

katemess12 · 29/09/2016 22:38

There was no policing like this when I was in primary school, and that wasn't that long ago.

I can see why you're annoyed about it. I don't see a problem with a small chocolate or treat every day. I do the same thing as an adult: have a healthy lunch with a little unhealthy treat as well. Nothing wrong with it. Giving your kids carrot sticks every day might work while they have no control over what they eat, but it'll go to shit when they can make choices for themselves. Moderation is the best thing.

I suppose some parents send a lot of unhealthy crap to school though. I know that was the case when I was younger: packets of chips, biscuits, chocolates, lollies, roll-ups etc. And they might be trying to stop that.

Julia001 · 29/09/2016 22:43

I am of the opinion and have always been of the opinion that when they pay for the childs meal/snack, then they can dictate what is in it.

angelikacpickles · 29/09/2016 22:44

What is sad is how many children hate eating vegetables.

Children disliking vegetables is hardly a new thing!

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/09/2016 22:50

Yanbu.

They serve food barely fit for animals then get het up.over a milky way.

Fuck that.

Their job is to teach. It is not to police perfectly acceptable lunch boxes. Especially when they usually apply low fat low carb adult fad diets to growing children.

Most school dinners end up in the bin anyway.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/09/2016 23:16

Nor everyone who works in a school is there to teach. I'm there to support vulnerable families. My colleague is there to provide professional counselling to children.

But we are all responsible for safeguarding and that includes following government rules about encouraging healthy eating. Anyone who has a problem with that should take it up with the government.

Original poster
gertyglossop · 29/09/2016 23:17

Bribing doesn't come into it. There is a whole plethora of delicious food out there, some of which is healthy, some not. So there should be balance. For the purpose of this thread, we are talking about two mouthfuls of chocolate (this week) alongside otherwise healthy choices throughout the day. I advocate food discipline; it's ok to enjoy a treat, but it's important to eat foods that are good for your body, and to be active. This is the message that I want my daughter to grow up with.
I'm not interested in the "virtues" of eliminating sugar from my child's diet as I have no intention of doing so.

Obviously, if the teacher asks me to stop sending a treat in the lunchbox and can refer to school policy, I will follow it. I have no intention of being "that" parent. However, I would resent it greatly.

OP posts:
Original poster
gertyglossop · 29/09/2016 23:24

Suburban Rhonda - I'm sure you're not suggesting that a mini milky way in a lunchbox alongside a wholemeal sandwich and fruit constitutes a safeguarding issue...

OP posts:
madein1995 · 30/09/2016 00:01

Argh, this stuff annoys me a lot. You as her parent get to choose what goes in the lunchbox (obviously adhering to allergy policy etc), you don't need to be told what you can and can't feed your child. It's strange how the lunchbox police are in full swing yet our children are more obese than ever isn't it? Whereas 20/30 years ago lunchboxes were full of what would be deemed 'unhealthy' stuff now, yet childhood obesity as a whole was lower? Children need calories and fat - masses of sweets obv not a good idea, but a tiny chocolate bar is fine!

Also, I believe in everything in moderation. Do not see anything wrong in giving a child a fun size chocolate bar everyday provided their diet is otherwise balanced and they are active. Strictly limiting sweet stuff means children tend to gorge when given opportunity - at parties etc - as it's forbidden fruit. This way it's just another thing she eats and not something she never gets so needs to make the most when she gets the chance.

My normal lunch box around 15/16 years ago when I was starting school was - a tomato ketchup sandwich on white bread with a few slices ham on the side/a lunchables kit, a banana/apple, a kiddy flavoured yogurt, and small chocolate bar (as in fin sized). Breakfast was cereal and warm milk, porridge, or toast and a mug of warm milk. Tea was usual family meals - fish and parsley sauce, spag bols etc. Was a fussy kid so not a lot of veg. I was always a healthy weight until 3 years ago when a knee injury meant I couldn't exercise. A tiny chocolate bar a day will not make your dd obese OP. YADNBU.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 30/09/2016 01:13

The teacher has a preference, of what children are given in their lunch box.
. Well yes fair enough. However I'd have preferred to have won the lottery last night, but. It looks like, for now at least. Im unfortunately still whistling Dixie.
Children do not prepare their own lunches. If the teacher has any issues with what children eat. She should find away to address parents. Not 4 year old babies.

Topseyt · 30/09/2016 01:43

Blimey, so a child having a mini milky way in their lunchbox is now considered a safeguarding issue!!!

Clearly I grew up in terrible times.

AdaLovelacesCat · 30/09/2016 02:01

" But we are all responsible for safeguarding and that includes following government rules about encouraging healthy eating "

Frankly the size of the SENCO and the dinner ladies at my children's junior school was alarming...I can just imagine them waddling down the corridor to tell parents all about healthy eating while swilking down a barrel of diet coke for their lunch....etc etc.

it is a joke tbh. These people's idea of 'healthy eating' is so skewed as to be meaningless

Original poster
gertyglossop · 30/09/2016 06:24

On the lunchbox envy argument, while I can appreciate this could be an issue, what about the child who is only allowed fruit in their lunchbox who is sitting next to their friend who is tucking in to a nice big slice of sponge and custard as part of their school dinner?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 30/09/2016 06:58

Ha ha ha at the fact a milky way is a safe guarding issue.

I'd understand of it was a red bull and last night's cold greasy chips. Something that would likely make the kid sick.

But a balanced lunch with a little bit of chocolate. Get priorities right come on.

I bet there's less sugar in a bit of chocolate than alot of the cereal bars and fruit wingers and kids yogurts that are "allowed"

And as fir following healthy eating guidelines. Are these the same guidelines tat suggest swapping sugar fir sweeteners and promote low fat shit which is far worse and far more processed than the original product?

The same guidelines that allow kids to be filled up with fat free sugar free egg free nutrition free sponge cake portions the size of a small planet because there's not enough money to actually fill them up with some high quality protein. And if course fats not allowed...

SuburbanRhonda · 30/09/2016 07:19

Suburban Rhonda - I'm sure you're not suggesting that a mini milky way in a lunchbox alongside a wholemeal sandwich and fruit constitutes a safeguarding issue...

Not at all (though of course you know that). I was responding to posters saying that school staff are responsible for educating the children and should keep their noses out of any other issues. So I was pointing out that some of us have other roles, and that government guidelines on healthy eating mean we have a responsibility to encourage children to eat healthily in school.

Though I see giles has ensured that your erroneous inference has grown legs and run Hmm

fruitpastille · 30/09/2016 07:37

Yanbu - my kids school has recently changed it's policy from sensible guidance to a strict set of rules. Anything not allowed is confiscated and replaced with fruit from school. They get the 'bad' food back at hometime. Tbh I hardly ever put in choc/crisps but i resent being not allowed to ever especially when plenty of other things eg sausage rolls are allowed. Plus school dinners with chocolate brownies on offer. I sent a very carefully worded polite letter to the head but I know it's futile!

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/09/2016 07:37

But surely that is requiring you to act on what you know is nonsense?

For instance our school has a nut ban and the Web site lists things like fruit winders and those kelloggs cereal bars as a suitable replacement.

So if those things are permitted in the Web site and a child Is asked not to bring say 4 squares of just plain chocolate which is probably less sugary...

The guide lines themselves are not really particularly helpful or correct and are sponsored by the very people selling the crap they are suggesting.

RiverTam · 30/09/2016 07:47

Oh dear, OP, for a teacher your comprehension skills aren't great, are they? As suburbanrhinda has pointed out, her comment wasn't with regard to the contents of anyone's lunchbox. And my comment wasn't directed at you, either.

SolomanDaisy · 30/09/2016 07:47

Our school (in the Netherlands) has a lunch box 'recommendation' of a sandwich and a piece of fruit or veg. That's it. From what I can tell most people stick to it, though some send only a sandwich. DS often doesn't even eat that because they're all desperate to get outside and play!