To not want to do this for over two months?

[Onthedowns]

I think I probably am but here goes . Sil has family look after nephew whilst she works two days a week , they aren't short of money this is pocket money but she won't send nephew to nursery until he gets free hours over a year away. One family member has not become very ill and don't be able to do childcare. Sil asked if I could help one day a week for a couple of weeks - fine however it's now till end December. I am currently on maternity leave with DS who was premature baby reflux cmpi haven't found it easy. DD has just started school so finding her feet with school and so are we doing drop offs. It will be difficult with two under two dropping and picking her up don't have double buggy. Plus I don't want to spend last few months of my maternity leave doing this. Short term fine. I suggested they need to look at nursery childminder long term - they don't want to . I also think this is issue when you solely rely on family for childcare I had a mixture but accepted I had to pay for some. Help please? DH thinks I should as when I return to with sil may help one afternoon a week but then equally I am happy to help weekly once I am back to work I just enjoying my time with DS currently

Onthedowns have you thought about my question - is it even possible for you to transport three children in your car/mode of transport?

I think if you say you're happy to help a few times, you'll be expected to do it all the time.

Why not ask her if she'll split her wage with you? It's no more cheeky than what she's asked.

Thanks no I haven't any idea who to transport the three!!! MIL suggested someone coming up or getting someone esle to sit with my DS and Neohew whilst I did school runs but they are few and far between !

Agree, but ask how much SIL will be paying you!

Now they have called you selfish the last thing I would do is provide any cover even for a few times.

I would tell DH "did she offer to help me when I was sick? no. She sent our nephew over to me when I was throwing up all the time."

Can you just say no as logistically it would work doing the school unless she forks out for a double buggy or you do 9.30-2 or something?

Sorry just saw your last post. So now they expect the baby sitter to draft in a babysitter? FGS! I'd dig my heels in at this point & just say it's impossible, everyone else you know also has school runs to do. Double buggy or nothing. Maybe your DH can go halves with SIL?

" Sorry, I can't manage that." Or " Haha, you must be joking, I'm struggling with 2".

Be firm, let SIL know it's not an option, don't let them think it's even a possibility.
It's quite clear from your posts that it would be a huge struggle for you to manage an extra toddler, as well as being logistically out of the question.
I think they are being quite pushy, you've already said no and explained your reasons, you'll have to be firm.

I would tell DH "did she offer to help me when I was sick? no. She sent our nephew over to me when I was throwing up all the time."

Absolutely agree. Time for a firm NO. SIL wants free babysitting on tap, and once you provide this help, you'll be stuck, because I don't believe she'll make any effort to find an alternative.

It really would be simpler to just say no because of the logistics. If you offer to help a few times it will become regular. Just say no.

No don't offer anything. Agree with pps, if you offer once, she will just expect it to continue. Better to get this difficult situation over and done with now.

YADNBU. As someone who had no help and has spent thousands on childcare, your SIL doesn't realise how lucky she has been so far. Utterly selfish of not just her, but her DH to ask this of you. After all, covering these days while she works isn't just her responsibility, it's his too! I will never understand people who have DC and expect family to help out regularly. Utterly ridiculous. Don't be a mug. And I bet if your DH was the SAHP there's no way he'd be agreeing to juggle this nightmare too.

This is the picture i'm seeing is one where you are expected to be 'mother hen' and take over your mil's role

• your 'd'h refuses to take time off work to help with his own children so it all falls on you.

• Your sil is too tight to pay for childcare and uses anyone free

Now, you are being pressured and guilt tripped into accepting this role....though i bet they'd deny it if you said it out loud!

The only selfish ones here are your dh and sil....neither of them will take time out/financial hit to put their dc/family needs first!

Don't offer to do aany days.....imagine the pressure you will be put under when you try to stop their cosy arrangement.

YANBU

i can't believe they actually suggested you get extra help to manage their cosy arrangement!!!

Is sil offering to pay for this extra help you would need?
My response to mil would be "it's much easier and more efficient for sil to hire her own help".

And then i'd refuse to discuss it further.

It's not upsetting the apple cart. It's looking after yourself when nobody around you will. And you have little ones depending on you.

Pick an explanation from above or just say no. No is a full sentence! My own opinion is that now they have called you selfish you should shut down all communication on the subject.

And then consider how long you can battle for respect when all around you genuinely seem to believe that you are their doormat.

"MIL suggested someone coming up or getting someone esle to sit with my DS and Neohew whilst I did school runs but they are few and far between !"

Um... wow. They actually think that's acceptable?

OP, tell them "sorry - I wouldn't even be able to get the 3 of them out the door." If they challenge you, ask how they suggest you transport 3 children twice a day. Realistic answers only. None of this "oh get someone else to babysit" bullshit.

FFS! Rude, awful people.