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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... about birthday cake

128 replies

daftbesom · 28/09/2016 22:22

So here's the situation.

DH had a birthday a few days ago, his DM baked a lovely cake and brought it over. We all had a bit and it is yum. We left the remainder sitting on the table under its posh cover.

Today DH had a bit of a go at our two teen DSs for eating some of the cake without asking, when they came home from school. He says he wouldn't begrudge them it, he just wants them to ask as it is his cake, a gift from his mother etc.

I can't agree with him - it's on the table and it's food, they always have a snack when they get in from school, it wouldn't enter my head to expect them to ask before they ate some cake (which would mean they'd have to wait until we were both back from work - by which time it'd be dinnertime anyway). They haven't finished it, there is still some for him.

I think if you don't want people to eat something you're earmarking as "yours", don't leave it sitting on the table ...?

AIBU?

OP posts:
RubbishMantra · 30/09/2016 18:06

I don't think YBU OP.

You're a family unit, not in a flat-share situation.

Maybe you should start post-it noting cupboards - DH's food, and daftbesom and DC's food. Grin

SparkleMotions · 30/09/2016 18:32

It's cake fgs, I doubt he would have eaten it all, would he rather it go to waste than let your kids have some?. YANBU op, sounds like your hubby overreacted and is being a bit silly about the situation!

RubbishMantra · 30/09/2016 18:35

*...now if the food in question had been a stinky, ripe, rind-washed cheese, my opinion may differ.

Cake,

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 30/09/2016 18:40

Better make sure he asks their permission when it's their birthday cake!

brasty · 30/09/2016 18:55

And yes, I would not take my kids birthday cake without asking. I ask my DP before having some of his birthday cake, and vice versa.

plominoagain · 30/09/2016 19:11

I'm just struggling with the concept of having day old cake TBH . Round here , song gets sung , cake gets cut , everyone gets a bit . Then at about 9 ish , people tend to casually loiter in the kitchen and help themselves to another bit , and then DH and DCs normally get the last of it in their lunches for school . Cake never usually makes it past the 12 hour mark here .

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 30/09/2016 19:11

Who grudges there own kids a piece of cake? Tight arse

dybil · 30/09/2016 19:32

He doesn't begrudge them the cake, he said he would have been happy for them to have it, but he thinks it is poor manners not to ask.

WhateverWillBe · 30/09/2016 19:34

He is BU, I agree with you op.

If there had been one slice left and they had hoovered it up without asking - i'd probably have a bit of a go because taking the last of someone elses cake is rude.

But helping yourself to some is not - it's food, in the family house, for the family to share.

Trifleorbust · 30/09/2016 19:39

I think it's reasonable to let someone else divide their own birthday cake. Kids should have asked.

NoFucksImAQueen · 30/09/2016 20:02

Mmmm cake Cake
Sorry what was the question? Grin

brasty · 30/09/2016 20:10

No it is not family food. It is DPs cake. It is good manners to ask.

Notsure1234 · 30/09/2016 20:20

In our family, inc extended family, once came has been served to everyone the leftovers belong to/are taken home by the birthday person. I would expect to be asked

Notsure1234 · 30/09/2016 20:20

Cake*

Billben · 30/09/2016 20:29

What is he 5? Who even calls a food item as "mine" when it comes to your own kids? Not talking about people who have allergies, etc who have to buy special food and whatnot just for themselves. The kids were polite enough not to finish the whole thing. They didn't ask because there was nobody to ask. I personally don't see his upset.

Summerlovin24 · 30/09/2016 20:51

Selfish or what. My dh said that about some expensive smoothie or something he brought home. This is after food always on table for him when I finish work first yet if he is home first with kids the reverse doesn't always happen. I didn't let him forget. Kept saying loudly to kids not to have that cos it's daddy's. He realised after a while...

Tryingtobegood10 · 30/09/2016 21:09

Ohhhhh I'm a bit torn with this one!!! If I saw cake left out I would defo have a sliver!! After all you can't eat it all yourself!! Bit if I came home to see someone had had some of MY birthday cake then I would definitely be annoyed pmsl yup double standards!! Tell him to just eat the last of it before anyone else gets a chance and get over it! It's probably a bit hard round the edges by now anyway xx

Memoires · 30/09/2016 22:01

If he doesn't want anyone else to eat it then he has to put it away where they can't find it. What will happen then is that he won't be able to finish it by himself before it goes stale and crunchy, the butter icing goes rancid. It won't be finished. With luck, he'll put it ina tin and hide it somewhere and forget about it and then have to deal with the mould and fur which fills the tin when he eventually remembers it.

On the other hand, all the rest of you now can keep your cakes to yourselves too; they'll get eaten as the boys come in at the same time and will share their cakes with each other, and you when you get in. By the time dh gets in he'll be wanting dinner not cake so he won't get any as cake can only be eaten when the 'owner' allows, and the owner won't.

He will never get any cake but his own from henceforth.

Mwuh huh huh ha.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 30/09/2016 22:03

No, they can't! Now their cake is fair game. Their rules!

FurryLittleTwerp · 30/09/2016 22:04

I remember many years ago taking a homemade chocolate birthday cake to a friend's for the weekend. Her husband was the "birthday boy".

It was delicious, very rich, & my friend served it with fresh raspberries & whipped cream after dinner.

The following day DH & her DH went off with her DH's daughters for some activity; my friend & I went for girly shopping.

We arrived home in anticipation of a nice hot cup of Yorkshire tea & a slice of my delicious chocolate cake

and they had got home first & eaten the fucking lot. The crumby plate was still on the table

We were disappointed my friend was livid but it was cake, so fair game still a bloody shame though

Grin
bluebellsparklypants · 30/09/2016 22:04

YANBU

What's the usual etiquette around food in your home?

I understand he doesn't begrudge then the cake it was about asking but even so seems abit off of him

Maybe his mum can kindly bake him alittle xmas cake that he can keep all to himself!

Daydream007 · 01/10/2016 19:28

YANBU. He sounds a tad precious about that cake!

RockinHippy · 01/10/2016 19:37

Sorry, but you & the DTeens ABU

Given that it was a birthday gift for DH, then it is good manner for the DCs to ask, if he wasn't there to ask, text him or wait til he gets home. I would tel DD off myself if she did this, even though she would get a share anyway. I would also tell DH off if he ate her birthday cake without asking. Its just good manners to ask.

I'm wondering if the other PPs would say the same if it were a box of chocolates?

CodyKing · 01/10/2016 19:51

Interesting post!

Being a parent means you share - kids generally eat chocolates given to me - I'm not bothered - I wouldn't expect them to ask!!

We have to teach sharing, it doesn't come naturally to children.

You sound very controlling

Sallystyle · 01/10/2016 19:56

Who even calls a food item as "mine" when it comes to your own kids?

Me!

Those haribos in my bag are mine, the kids can't have any. They get plenty, they are all mine.

They weren't allowed to eat the twiglets in the cupboard last week either. They are mine and I do not share everything with my kids.

Cake is a bit different, so YANBU there OP.