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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... about birthday cake

128 replies

daftbesom · 28/09/2016 22:22

So here's the situation.

DH had a birthday a few days ago, his DM baked a lovely cake and brought it over. We all had a bit and it is yum. We left the remainder sitting on the table under its posh cover.

Today DH had a bit of a go at our two teen DSs for eating some of the cake without asking, when they came home from school. He says he wouldn't begrudge them it, he just wants them to ask as it is his cake, a gift from his mother etc.

I can't agree with him - it's on the table and it's food, they always have a snack when they get in from school, it wouldn't enter my head to expect them to ask before they ate some cake (which would mean they'd have to wait until we were both back from work - by which time it'd be dinnertime anyway). They haven't finished it, there is still some for him.

I think if you don't want people to eat something you're earmarking as "yours", don't leave it sitting on the table ...?

AIBU?

OP posts:
VioletBam · 30/09/2016 11:10

Scholes they didn't eat it all! OP said they had a slice each.

roarfeckingroar · 30/09/2016 11:12

A cake is in celebration, not a gift. Chocolates would have been a gift.

Yanbu

Scholes34 · 30/09/2016 11:16

VioletBam - I know it was a slice each and some left over. What I was saying is that the cake didn't necessarily have to be eaten that day and the DH might have wanted some tonight, tomorrow and the day after that. If it's good cake, you want to be sure it's being appreciated when it's eaten and not just scoffed.

MistressMolecules · 30/09/2016 11:30

I am actually with him on this one. Do you have stuff which is solely yours that they are not allowed to touch/use etc? (I don't just mean food). I have teenage daughter who feels it is ok to help herself to my makeup toiletries etc (none of it expensive - I never spend a fortune on myself) when she runs out (she has pocket money and I buy toiletries when she tells me she needs them). But it is so disheartening to have not even a small thing that is mine that I can enjoy and appreciate. So yeah, YABU.

MistressMolecules · 30/09/2016 11:32

Would you all agree that they can help themselves to your makeup, clothes because teenagers need these things? Oh and if they need the cake for calories then you aren't feeding them enough...

MaddyHatter · 30/09/2016 11:33

the only 'rule' in our house is that 50% of the cake belongs to the birthday person, the rest is fair game to whoever wants it.

RainbowJack · 30/09/2016 11:47

Wow. Some of the vitriol and minimising on this thread is awful.

Whether or not you think it's stupid or wrong is irrelevant. Having something that was made for his birthday for himself was maybe important to him, which if you cared about him you would respect.

And it's not like he said he wouldn't share it, he just wanted to be asked.

Some thought for others goes a long way.

roarfeckingroar · 30/09/2016 11:52

FFS it's a bit of cake. He's being a child.

stayathomegardener · 30/09/2016 12:08

Hmmmm his birthday cake next year is going to be a joy isn't it.
I would have waited a year and pointedly refused any of it. I was a stroppy teen though.

MaudlinNamechange · 30/09/2016 12:15

You don't cut into someone else's birthday cake for the first time (obviously), but after that, it is general. Except the last piece. No one eats the last piece without checking with birthday boy.
It would be weird to have a big cake in the house and only one person "allowed" to eat it.

I think he is thinking of chocolates. Chocolates can be given to individuals. The individual can then choose either to a. leave them out for them to be treated as cake; 2. put them away as a private stash, but then they can only be eaten when everyone else is out.

This is all very clear under EU law and until article 50 is triggered it remains the law.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 30/09/2016 12:20

Birthday cake is the birthday persons! Of course you should ask. It's not like standard communal cake, it was given to that person.

Yoarchie · 30/09/2016 12:25

Hmmmmmm
I'd make sure nobody touches the rest and make him eat the lot himself.
What a weirdo not allowing his own family to eat food from the counter.

ProseccoBitch · 30/09/2016 12:31

I'd be furious if anyone ate some of my birthday cake without asking, unless I had specifically said to help themselves.

blueskyinmarch · 30/09/2016 12:38

We had Birthdaycakegate in our family a few years back. I made DD2 a birthday cake ( I think she was 15 at the time) and DD1 (who would have been 20) ATE THE LAST SLICE. To say DD2 was NOT HAPPY is an understatement. Now no-one in the house eats anyones birthday cake without asking permission first. We are very territorial over cake in this family! I think your DH is being entirely reasonable.

SuperFlyHigh · 30/09/2016 12:42

My first thought was what a tosser.

It's to be shared. Tell your teens never to share their cake from grandma with him again if that's his attitude!

daisypond · 30/09/2016 12:42

I personally think it's OK for people to help themselves to the birthday cake - that's the way it is with my family, though. But if the DH has said he doesn't like it, and he wants to be asked because he sees it as a gift to himself, I think that's OK, too. Although I disagree with that viewpoint, I think it's a reasonable and not totally mad viewpoint to have. So now, everybody knows what to do for next year.

usual · 30/09/2016 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VioletBam · 30/09/2016 13:14

People here are so greedy and selfish!

A birthday cake is a SYMBOL (albeit a delicious one) of the celebration of the special day. It's meant to be shared!

If there is some left within a family, and the birthday girl or boy has had some...then people should be able to have a slice. Leaving the last slice alone of course.

Aworldofmyown · 30/09/2016 13:47

I don't think anyone is saying it shouldn't be shared. If her husband had said no after they asked then yes he would be a tosser.

Its just polite to ask.

metaphoricus · 30/09/2016 14:43

My DH wouldn't be bothered, so long as they saved him a decent sized slice. DCs might have trouble figuring what constitutes a decent sized slice though.

Nanasueathome · 30/09/2016 14:49

Next year you all need to be prepared (have a spare cake he knows nothing about) and all refuse a slice when he offers it to you
That way he will be able to have the lot for himself and you will all be accommodated with your secret stash

ProseccoBitch · 30/09/2016 14:55

He's not saying no one can have any, he's saying please ask first because it's his cake. I think that's entirely reasonable.

PickAChew · 30/09/2016 15:00

How old was he at his birthday? 3?

He's being unnecessarily churlish.

JustDanceAddict · 30/09/2016 16:12

I'd be annoyed if I were your dh too. Fine to ask - even text if they were desperate to eat it. I would've said yes, but leave some for me.

chaplin1409 · 30/09/2016 16:30

If they always have a snack when they get home then maybe they should of been told not to eat the cake. Hmm