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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... about birthday cake

128 replies

daftbesom · 28/09/2016 22:22

So here's the situation.

DH had a birthday a few days ago, his DM baked a lovely cake and brought it over. We all had a bit and it is yum. We left the remainder sitting on the table under its posh cover.

Today DH had a bit of a go at our two teen DSs for eating some of the cake without asking, when they came home from school. He says he wouldn't begrudge them it, he just wants them to ask as it is his cake, a gift from his mother etc.

I can't agree with him - it's on the table and it's food, they always have a snack when they get in from school, it wouldn't enter my head to expect them to ask before they ate some cake (which would mean they'd have to wait until we were both back from work - by which time it'd be dinnertime anyway). They haven't finished it, there is still some for him.

I think if you don't want people to eat something you're earmarking as "yours", don't leave it sitting on the table ...?

AIBU?

OP posts:
FeelingSmurfy · 29/09/2016 09:59

My parents grew up in very different houses, dad had to ask for every little thing (can I have a biscuit? Yes. Can I have a wagon wheel biscuit? Yes), even after he was old enough and left home, mums family were allowed to help themselves but if it was a pack of 6 (there were 6 of Them) etc they knew to only have one

RB68 · 29/09/2016 10:08

We had to ask for most things but cake was fair game but the make sure everyone gets a fair chance for some still applied. Birthday cake was wait until candles blown and pieces handed out but thereafter was fair game same as anything else. Just encourage kids when its their birthday to apply the same rules...after all if he wants that rule he needs to abide by it himself... If you and the kids don't mind sharing willingly then between you guys it doesn't apply.

The constant food hoovering of teens can get tiresome so it might be about that to be honest rather than specifically about cake. But had my parents challenged me in these circumstances I would be likely to respond "just saving you the calories" but I was cheeky - lol

trafalgargal · 29/09/2016 10:10

He threw a tantrum over several days old cake ?

Was he present when they ate the slice ?

Did you as the teens every time he wanted a slice of their last birthday cakes ?

Tell him to grow up

trafalgargal · 29/09/2016 10:11

Damn auto correct. Did he ask them before taking a slice of their last birthday cake

Original poster
daftbesom · 29/09/2016 12:56

Well I wouldn't call it a tantrum ... and he wasn't present when they ate it - they get home around half-four, he wasn't home till 8. They are both a bit Shock too about it - none of us saw it coming.

I haven't raised it with him again - at the time he said it, I said I thought food left on the table was fair game, but I wanted to check here if I was ploughing a lonely furrow.

OP posts:
acasualobserver · 29/09/2016 13:00

Ask his mummy if she'll bake him a new cake. All for himself.

trafalgargal · 29/09/2016 13:12

IT all sounds a bit bonkers , if they had eaten it all he'd have had a point though.

Did he eat any of their birthday cakes without waiting til they came home to seek their specific permission first ?

TheNaze73 · 29/09/2016 13:24

It's theft, that's what it is.

Bring back the birch Wink

VioletBam · 29/09/2016 15:35

Has he historically asked them before eating some of their cakes?

Birthday cake is not like a box of chocolates...it's for everyone!

VioletBam · 29/09/2016 15:36

Is his Mother looking ok? In good health?

I was wondering if he was feeling worried about her and has attached some emotional feeling to the cake. I do things like that.

I have a plate my Mum bought me and it's precious because she's getting on a bit and I worry about her.

PigletJohn · 29/09/2016 16:08

teen boys are always hungry, and can easily polish off a couple of family-sized cakes each if given the chance.

yerbutnobut · 29/09/2016 16:21

It's a difficult one, his DM made him the cake but presumably with the intention that it would be shared, although technically it is his (in honour of his b.day).
If he had been bought chocolate as a gift and left it out, would it still be ok for other family members to eat? This is probably where he is going with it, just wanted to be asked. I know my kids would not help themselves to another family members 'special' food without asking but every household is different.

nosyupnorth · 29/09/2016 16:30

I'd consider a birthday cake from somebody else a gift and helping yourself to somebody's present without asking is very rude. Even if you know they would probably be happy to share it you wait for them to give the okay, especially with a consumable gift such as food.

GrumpyOldBag · 29/09/2016 16:53

YANBU.

As a previous poster said - birthday cake is for everyone.

Chocolates are for the recipient who should share with the rest of the family but doesn't have to.

user1474781546 · 29/09/2016 16:59

Another one who thinks birthday cake is a free for all, although in our house most of it would end up getting chucked after 3 or 4 days as it's not something any of us like. There are 5 of us including 2 huge teens.

selfishcrab · 29/09/2016 17:10

I'd go mad!
But then I've been known to hide cake!

RhiWrites · 29/09/2016 17:16

Can't believe people calling the kids thoughtless and lazy. The cake should be eaten before it goes stale.

Has their father ever once asked permission to eat the leftovers of their birthday cakes?

EveOnline2016 · 29/09/2016 17:43

What cake gets left over.

user1474781546 · 29/09/2016 17:45

The last two birthday cakes in our house have been mostly chucked in the bin.

dybil · 29/09/2016 18:00

When I was growing up, I'd have to have asked. I see both points of view though.

BackforGood · 29/09/2016 18:56

Thing is Damsion and Chipmonk, teens come in from school starving, and will eat something then. OP has said that both parent are at work. It is normal practice for people to help themselves to something to eat at that point. Of course they shouldn't be phoning their Dad at work and interrupting him to ask if they can have a piece of cake. It's there with no note to the contrary, so it is for all the family to eat. Did you get this was after the birthday, and after the Dad had started it, and it was just out as general supplies in the house by this point?

CrotchetQuaverMinim · 29/09/2016 19:10

I'd have had to ask permission, too. Not because it was "his", but more because the person in charge of buying food/planning meals/cooking (which in my house was my mum) would have been deciding when it got eaten - she might have been planning on it as dessert for that night, or for some other time, and plans would have been changed if we'd just tucked into it. Also she might have been unimpressed that we might then have eaten less for dinner, which again she might have been planning certain food for. Plus, we probably weren't all that good at monitoring our treat intake - yes, by the age teenagers we should have been, but I'd still have wanted any cake I could get! - so having to ask permission would have meant thinking twice about what we were eating. We'd have been told no, save it for later, have an apple now.

DamsonInDistress · 30/09/2016 10:31

No problem BackForGood, if Dad or mum weren't home to ask then the kids should probably have just raided the breadbin or the cereal cupboard the way teens are wont to do. I have two pre-teen boys and the elder is definitely approaching the stage of needing to be constantly filled!

Aworldofmyown · 30/09/2016 10:34

I think it would have been polite to ask. To me it isn't 'normal' food but a special treat brought for your husband.

I would also expect your husband to ask one of you DC if he could have a slice if it were their birthday.

Scholes34 · 30/09/2016 11:07

I think you're being a little bit unreasonable. Yes, teens need food, but they would probably have demolished a packet of biscuits or a loaf of bread for toast witht he same gusto and enjoyed those just as much. Perhaps your DH was looking forward to eating more of it himself, as a treat/dessert, rather than scoffing it because of hunger pangs? Not all cake goes stale within a few days. I frequently make batches of gingerbread for my teens because I know it will last the week, and even improve over the week

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