I don't think I should cook every night

[LurkyLurkerMcLurkface]

I'm on maternity leave at the moment with 8 month DS. DH works full time and is out of the house 8am-6pm. Our evening routine is pretty set, he gets in and takes DS, I get food ready for DS. He'll then sit with DS while he eats. He then does books/bath and I do final feed and settle. I then come down and cook
Every. Fucking. Night
Last night I'd had enough and cooked for myself and left him to it. He's been sulking since.
AIBU to think this should be a shared job?

I'd say your DH is doing his fair share and is better than many TBH. It's not like he lazes around after work. That said I also understand how you feel cooking on a daily basis. If I was too tired to cook, I just told DH I wasn't cooking that evening and would get a bowl of cereal and be a bit sulky.

My response would be to walk away. My DC are teens now.

I realised I couldn't force him to cook and he couldn't force me either.

I know this might sound a bit text bookish, but could you suggest that he cooks on one night a week and you'll do the bath and book on that day? Just to give you a break from daily cooking.

I've been where you are and having a baby and doing the housework is shattering. I knew a friend whose DH would get takeout once a week to give her a break on that night.

This thread is making me realise why most feminists are so fucking angry.

Most people just do not get it.

Dont get what fucking?

The thing is I get he is at work all day but then that's basically saying staying at home with 2 kids is easy . It is not !!

In this case id probably expect dp to cook at least a couple of nights a week .

What will happen re cooking once your off maternity leave ??

Sorry if Iv just repeated others haven't rtft

OP YANBU. Unless your DH is in fact down the mines he's probably had more time to relax during the day than you have.

And why is he getting praise for bathing his own child in the evening

unexpected he is helping

(And since many men appear to be utter arseholes being marginally better makes you a hero)

Yes unexpected, op's DH is graciously helping her out after a long hard day at work when all she's been doing is fannying about at home

since many men appear to be utter arseholes being marginally better makes you a hero

This x100

Well unexpected, he DOES manage to do it before having a hot nourishing meal served to him with a smile you know, the poor man. After a hard day down the mine/out in the frozen fields/digging the roads/fucking about in the office drinking teas and checking Facebook, it's a struggle.

Lurky- only just seen your question.
I don't mind, the only thing that bothers me is not been appreciated for doing it, but I'll get over that. If I've had a hard day and can't be bothered I just do something easy like pizza or chicken burgers etc. I do literally everything (I'm not bragging before you all pipe up, just saying how it is my end)
I wake up before everyone else, make lunches/breakfast , he goes to work, do school run, get back for DD nap time , then I wash up and clean etc, entertain DD and lunch. Nap again, catch up on washing and ironing, school run again, back and feed kids, go to shop for stuff for DP. Bath baby then other, he's get home, time with kids whilst I cook

Has the OP said what he does for a living? Do we know if he has a piss easy job?

I dont think its fair to put down the DH. He is not the one at home all day the OP is.

Should she do all of the cooking, no of course not but at the same time being childish and making herself toast then going to bed will not solve this either.

I have 4 dc and was sahm for all of them. I really do wonder what some sahp do all day if they are completly unable to throw a ready meal in the oven.
I would love to be a sahm again. It was a damn site easier than working full time.

I think it's more about logistics than who's working harder or whatever. If you're at home all day you stand a better chance of being able to prepare something compared to the person who is out.

He absolutely could cook at least two nights a wk.

I (almost) always had a meal on the table for when dh got home, my house was a permanent shite hole though and we ate out/got takeaway at least once a wk. I think the mind numbing boringness of always being the one that has to meal plan, shop, prep and cook is more of an issue than the actual cooking itself for me.

tired why on earth should you do that? It sounds like he's taking the piss - will you not get resentful not being appreciated for all that? Surely you're worth more than that?

Oh the man haters are here.
I'm off.

OP just talk to him and share the cooking throughout the week. It is not your responsibility to feed him but as a partnership it should be one of many chores that is shared.

I have 4 dc and was sahm for all of them. I really do wonder what some sahp do all day if they are completly unable to throw a ready meal in the oven.
I would love to be a sahm again. It was a damn site easier than working full time.

^^

This. Shudders at the thought of FT work.

I have a family and I look after them, he leaves at 7am and hope at 6pm. He's has a hard physical job, as much as I'm busy so he's, it makes everyone's life easier. If he'd been home all day I'd be fucked off if I came home and shit wasn't done.

Home that's meant to say

Oh that's right, we hate men

I'm cuddling my man on the sofa at this current moment in time.

Izzy not sure who that's directed at. For my part, I'm not a man hater, I think it's harmful all round to have such low expectations of men. My partner (a man) is pretty good, we try to have an 'all hands on deck' mentality, and if he ever accidentally referred to himself as 'helping' with our children he would take the resultant heated exchange in good spirits.
He thinks me looking after myself and the baby is more important than struggling to get stuff done on the house. I am often up throughout the night, and we managed an evening meal and bedtimes between us when I was at work so why not while I'm off with our second?

Fair enough tired but it sounds like you appreciate his equally hard work.

OP, my toddler is egg/dairy free and while some of these recipes won't be suitable for your littlest yet, there is loads of stuff in here you can do easily or batch cook. I've done the chilli and the lamb tagine in the slow cooker even though the instructions don't say that:

www.amazon.co.uk/Allergy-Free-Family-Cookbook-delicious-shellfish/dp/1409155811/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1475092920&sr=8-1&keywords=allergy+family+book

Covers ALL the major allergies.

(still think you shouldn't have to do all the cooking, I didn't on mat leave, just thought book might help)

I cook every day. prepare breakfast and packed lunches and then feed the kids and then the husband - Fucking hate it! It is a never ending drudgery of food prep and having to think about food when frankly I'm not bothered and often don't eat myself. I also work - do all childcare, kids clubs, laundry, cleaning, shopping, finances, diary/holiday arrangements, present buying etc. I am bloody tired of it but the food thing really pisses me off.

Working down the mine isn't the only tiring job. A job doesn't have to be manual to be tiring or stressful. That's not to say I'm taking any side here.

A social worker or a teacher or a coroners officer could have exceedingly stressful days at work.

Being on maternity leave is a really trying time. My DH used to call me a lady of leisure when I was on Mat leave. I found it rather irritating, but he'd say he was joking when I got annoyed about it.

I don't think anyone is saying the OPs DH deserves a gold medal for feeding, bath and book time, but after he's been at work and including the travel, he's doing a fair share.