I don't think I should cook every night

[LurkyLurkerMcLurkface]

I'm on maternity leave at the moment with 8 month DS. DH works full time and is out of the house 8am-6pm. Our evening routine is pretty set, he gets in and takes DS, I get food ready for DS. He'll then sit with DS while he eats. He then does books/bath and I do final feed and settle. I then come down and cook
Every. Fucking. Night
Last night I'd had enough and cooked for myself and left him to it. He's been sulking since.
AIBU to think this should be a shared job?

OP - rather than focusing on individual tasks, whether YABU or not depends on the workload balance in your relationship as a whole.

Eg. Is your DH a brain surgeon or something, or does he have a low stress job? Does he pull his weight in general when he's at home?

I've always cooked for DH and done 90% of housework through having three kids, but I don't think I've necessarily had it harder than DH who runs various companies and could easily work 24/7 if I didn't stop him. Some people would be frothing at the mouth and screaming about the 1950's calling, but does it really matter who does what as long as both partners are doing something? I couldn't be bothered getting into tit for tat scenarios on a weekly basis.

I end up cooking most meals because I'm usually reliably in the house at the appropriate time slot, whether that's working FT/ PT or SAHM/ mat leave. DH often isn't in until 7-8pm, compared to my 6 pm on a work day. Our working days are similar lengths, just slightly different shifts, so it makes most sense for me to cook if we don't want to be eating at stupid o'clock at night. Overall, it's swings and roundabouts on household contributions and leisure time, and the overall picture is more important than the minutiae of whose job is whose.

I've had the complications of catering around various food allergies which rules out a lot of easy options. (Dairy and tomato combination was particularly irksome). I've often parallel cookef a meal so that the majority of the ingredients are the same, just with adjustments around the allergen. Batch cooking and preparing food earlier in the day help shift the work from a timeslot where everyone is tired and fractious.

Seriously? You make statements like I'll tell my 4 month old to look after himself then. Can't believe I hadn't thought of that before!!!! and you think the question what does your 4 month old do that you can't leave it in a chair or buggy or on a playmat while you stick something in the oven or do the washing up? is a snide comment? OK

I think every comment you have made on this thread has been snide tbh.

Then I think you have issues, I won't be engaging with you any more.

Fucking hell, mumsnet is really going down the pan.
Let me reframe this for you readers : is it ok that dh dicks around on the computer while I am putting child to sleep becaise he thinks it is my wife work to make his tea after all the other shit is done?

Yes she could chop home grown vegetables into a slow cooker at 10am while singing nursery rhymes, I imagine indeed she does prep when she can like all of you fucking saints. But that isn't the question is it?! It's should she have less free time in the evening because dh feels she hasn't finished 'her job' in the day.
You are very much out of touch as to what it is like with a baby with separation anxiety, and slings/slow cookers/pressure cooker s don't replace a decent dh who helps until all the jobs are done. You do what you can and you share the rest in the evening. End of.

Anyway it's more to do with the fact that you say "why can't you do X,y,z" like all babies are the same. They aren't. Some are significantly harder than others.

while I was on mat leave I would plan and prep dinner as much as I could but DH would sort it out while I was settling DD. It's not right he's just sitting around expecting you to then come down and sort dinner every single night.

Is the OP unable to shower, shit, clean her teeth, get dressed or make a cuppa due to having a clingy baby?

I find it hard to think the OP hasn't got time to sling a pizza and chips in the oven.

OP what will you do if you have a second 'clingy' child and have to look after your first?????????

Oh that's charming, post about my sick baby and I have "issues".

Penhacked

I couldn't agree more.

I can only imagine quite a number of posters on this thread haven't actually read the op properly.

Anyway, she is married and she doesn't want to cook every night but her husband simply expects her to, as do some very odd posters on this thread.

i think if you had pointed out at the start of the thread that you have a sick baby you might have got different responses.

If dinner is a case of "slinging pizza and chips in the oven" then why can't her husband do it while she is feeding the baby and settling him for the night?

Slinging pizza and chips in the oven isn't cooking anyway, so why even pretend it is?

If I didn't cook dh would probably live off crisps and fresh air 😂

bibbity don't tell my husband that- he thinks I'm a genius when I pull a tesco stuffed crust out of the oven!!! 😂

He's not working long hours at all . Lurky is working longer hours.

Really, sitting around while the other person is running around putting your child to be and cooking you a meal is not on.

could you not bath the baby earlier in the day - since you are holding it anyway. then when husband comes home he could put it to bed whilst you do dinner, or vice versa.

Why would I have done that

I was merely responding to questions as to "why" I couldn't do X,y,z, but tbh if someone says they can't do something, then you should respect that they can't. We all have different levels of coping.

The cooking isn't really the point. I think it's because when you are on mat leave you are "on" all the time. I worked a very stressful job with very long hours but I could always come home, switch off, have my weekends and a decent night's sleep.

From that perspective it is significantly harder being at home with a baby all day. IMO.

In fact exactly what Penhacked said @ 19:38

actually that i can sympathise more with - lack of sleep is a killer. I had a nanny once who was really good and wanted a big family till she had one of her own - the thing she moaned about was having it 24 hours a day - she had been used to her own life in the evening when i took over. Maybe cooking isn't the issue at all really

I think it would be nice for op after a long day & 40 mins settling dc to come down to cooked meal for once! Or at least offer Cani help with tea Rather than 'what's for tea' I am on mat leave as well & have 2 older school kids who are ravenous by 5 o clock n have evening activities so I eat with them then while baby in bouncer or feeding or cat napping (luckily this is working right now!) DH eats reheats later But I get sick of it too n don't think DH realises the work that goes into it can b stressful if baby screaming etc Hell cook sometimes at weekends but usually I have to ask he'd never say 'I'll cook xyz today for u all' - him getting take away does not count!!

Mozfan1
That's what mine does!!

That's it dreaming

The cooking I think is symptomatic of a bigger issue.

Ladiva I haven't been caught yet... As far has he's concerned I'm Jamie fucking Oliver