I don't think I should cook every night

[LurkyLurkerMcLurkface]

I'm on maternity leave at the moment with 8 month DS. DH works full time and is out of the house 8am-6pm. Our evening routine is pretty set, he gets in and takes DS, I get food ready for DS. He'll then sit with DS while he eats. He then does books/bath and I do final feed and settle. I then come down and cook
Every. Fucking. Night
Last night I'd had enough and cooked for myself and left him to it. He's been sulking since.
AIBU to think this should be a shared job?

I'm having a take away tonight, DH is going to pick it up on his way back from work. Then when he gets back he'll tuck the kids into bed, because strangely he actually likes his own kids.

According to this thread, I'm obviously mistreating him as I haven't had to cook, or wave money at him whilst looking like a ho.

I think YABU.
Prepare a meal you can all enjoy together at 6 when your dh gets in. It doesn't have to be complicated.
It was unkind to cook for yourself and not him.

If you don't feel you should, and aren't happy doing it then no,you should share.
I cook every night and wash up too but for some weird reason that doesn't bother me in the slightest.
You are clearly bothered so you need to have a good old chat about it and sort how you are going to do it. Batch cooking would make life a lot easier on that front, and slow cookers, and using the timer on your oven to come on in advance.

I am bemused as to how 'be kind to each other' - which has also been recommended by another poster - equates to 'do his cooking for him'.

DP got in at 6ish tonight. I stayed in my office. He sorted dinner. I finished writing my feature. I came down and opened the wine.

I felt exactly like this & my DH & I have had to work very hard to work this balance out. I felt like my DH did much less once we had children, somehow I always ended up doing almost all the house stuff, when before it had been more shared. I was really angry but didn't really say it, just kept it to myself, and then I'd explode at some point & we'd row. I've got better at saying when it gets too much & he has got better at seeing what needs doing & taking the initiative but it isn't always easy. My advice would be to talk about it together regularly & try & make sure you feel you are getting a fair deal. Good luck!

squiz you think the op making some toast and going to bed because she was very tired was unkind?

"It was unkind to cook for yourself and not him."

SHE MADE HERSELF SOME TOAST!

To SULK because your wife hasn't managed to cook is ridiculous! I'd read him the riot act for that. It's a team job running a home and raising a child.

Having said that, I agree with the others, pop baby in a play pen for a bit or in front of TV and throw a stew in the slow cooker just to make life easy for yourself come evening. You can reasonably expect him to cook some nights and a get take away every now and then but you should try to do most week nights if you can.

Batch cooking is the answer. It takes as much effort to make soup for one night as it does for 3.

"Batch cooking is the answer. "

THAT IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION!

I've gone right off stir fries now.

And I'm actually really, really good at very quick, very nice food. I quite often put (not bung or throw) a curry in the oven at lunchtime.

That's not the p

Point!!

The UK formally introduced maternity leave legislation in 1975. Despite the gradual decline of the ‘marriage bar’ between the 1940s and late 60s, women in the UK were still facing discrimination. Many women were routinely sacked for becoming pregnant till the late 1970s.

So for the 1950s-types: OP is on maternity leave, which was NOT A THING then.

Posting this in AIBU was asking for trouble. I have sympathy for you OP. I have been in that situation and it is not really about the 'time' it takes to cook everyday. It is the expectation that you will take all responsibility for planning meals, shopping for them, preparing them etc. It gets SO fucking tedious!

Just talk to DH and set some ground rules. He cooks sat/sun. Friday night takeaway/ready prepped - that leaves 4 days for you.
If the baby is clingy, put him in an ergo on your back or in a highchair with some kitchen odds and ends to investigate.

Maybe two nights do something earlier in the day like a spag bol or stew (even do it while baby chews on some toast in the morning and less cranky). That leaves two nights where you can throw something together while DH does bath etc; omelette, fish, chops, pasta.

I bet he does far more than that, Chipping

OP, I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned batch cooking or slow cookers yet?

When my poor sister in law was dying she said "at least i wont have to make sandwiches for the childrens lunches everyday.
i think you are both reasonable and unreasonable. you need to talk to your partner. if he likes cooking, he might find it relaxing to cook. if not make it as easy as you can for yourself with frozen food you have cooked, slow cooker or slow in the oven casseroles,pizza. It can be tiring at home all day with a baby. Be kind to yourself and your hsband. If he comes home exhausted some days, you step up; if you have a crap day or are under the weather, he steps up.

Being at home "all day" with a baby doesnt mean she has nothing else to do that cook every day! Maybe shes busy going to toddler groups, interacting with her child and generally rushing her tits off looking after the little one. Why are people making it sound like shes doing nothing so should be cooking for her poor husband every single day! OP yanbu you must be shattered! DH is a big boy he can stick something in the oven a few nights a week or make his own! Im sure his job isnt as demanding as looking after a baby all day

Well it is Friday night!

I hear stir fries are quick.

What about using a sling?

Ready meals?

Just sling your stir fry, pop your slow cooker on the play mat and batch cook your husband. Sorted.

Just get a REALLY BIG slow cooker, use it as a playpen, pad it with slings for soundproofing, pop the baby in...

AND OPEN SOME GIN FOR TEA!

X post 53rd!

This thread is making me hungry.

I own a slow cooker, a pressure cooker and those pinky purple big ikea freezer bags. I still have sweet fa inclination to start cooking endless quantities of food for dh's delectation tomorrow. I will be spending my day outside in the sunshine with my 8 month old and four year old. Fuck it, there are no hours in the day after washing shit, folding shit, tidying shit and cleaning shit (often literally). I wouldn't even let dh do that kind of batch cooking. He can iron his shirts instead if he has time spare!
Food with a baby needs to be simple and shared based on who is not looking after baby when food prep required. I don't have the head space to meal plan. I don't have the head space to remember people's names ffs!!

Sorry i just read more. Someone said make your own lasagne....for me that is major cooking. And it seems you are doing too much and were justfied in cooking for yourself. So more of telling partner to sort food while you do final baby settling unless fod is done. So perhaps something like telling him lasagnes in fridge can you bung it in the oven and make some salad while im upstairs with baby?? Also you might want to ask him what he suggests for food, i hate having to decide all the time. So in my opinion YANBU!

Your DS is 8 months old, he should also respect his father and pull his weight. He could be useful in the kitchen.