I don't think I should cook every night

[LurkyLurkerMcLurkface]

I'm on maternity leave at the moment with 8 month DS. DH works full time and is out of the house 8am-6pm. Our evening routine is pretty set, he gets in and takes DS, I get food ready for DS. He'll then sit with DS while he eats. He then does books/bath and I do final feed and settle. I then come down and cook
Every. Fucking. Night
Last night I'd had enough and cooked for myself and left him to it. He's been sulking since.
AIBU to think this should be a shared job?

Poor OP: that first year is exhausting and boring. But it does get better.
Sometime over the weekend, when DH takes DS out somewhere, plan the menu for the week. Include microwaveable meals and freezer food, not just ingredients. Nothing wrong with fish in batter and peas and chips from the freezer. And a large lasagne feeds two. Make your shopping list and either order on line, or go and do a big weekly shop. I'm sure DH will love the extra father and baby time If you know exactly what you're eating each night it's easy for one of you to just bung it in the oven or microwave while the other is doing bath and bedtime.

Marynary that's fair, actually - timing does make a difference. Not fair to expect him to come in and cook straight away, though - he wants some time with the baby, presumably - whereas the OP will have seen him all day.

Mr O was actually home very early yesterday. I am now trying to think whether he helped DD1 with her homework while I cooked because I was being generous (thinking he doesn't get to sit and do that with her very often), or because I didn't fancy taking my chances with food poisoning. (He is a terrible cook. Truly awful). The OP's DH sounds rather better at it, to be fair, so I am possibly unduly scarred swayed by my own experience!!

Mycraneisfixed given there are two fully grown functioning adults in the household, is there any reason why you have given the OP the task of menu planning and shopping. After all, each of those tasks could be done when the DS is asleep in the evening.

Marynary that's fair, actually - timing does make a difference. Not fair to expect him to come in and cook straight away, though - he wants some time with the baby, presumably - whereas the OP will have seen him all day.

He doesn't have to cook straight away though does he? There are at least two hours and for some of that time OP is feeding and settling the baby. Cooking, especially if it just involved bunging things in the oven will have very little if any impact on his time with the baby.

This thread is like Groundhog Day. Is it time to suggest a slow cooker again?

M AND S- BAG OF PRAWNS, STIR FRIED VEG AND NOODLES (5 MINS)
WAITROSE/TESCO FISH PIE (BANG INTO OVEN- COOK SOME BROCCOLI)
SPAG BOL BATCH COOK (NO DAIRY) PASTA COOKED IN 8 MINS
PRE-MADE RAVIOLI WIITH PRE-MADE SAUCE, GET THEM ANYWHERE (7 MINS)
SMOKED SALMON WITH ASPARAGUS
SHOP BOUGHT FISH CAKES WITH SALAD

I'm going to suggest a slow cooker on every thread from now on. I have seen the light! I'm even going to get mine out of the back of the cupboard....(will it still work after 10 years of lying dormant?)

All good suggestions Stilldreaming. Dinner does not have to be a labour intensive affair and I'm sure the OP's fair husband will be more than able for the task three nights a week.

Yes, it is very helpful of Stilldreamingofsun to think of quick and easy meals that OP's DH can cook while she is feeding and settling her baby in the evening.

I think everyone who things your are being unreasonable should pipe down. My partner is out 8-6 sometimes later everyday I'm at home I do the washing all the cleaning and cooking whilst raising out daughter. I only have a freeze box also so no batch cooking. I also do the bath/bedtime as my partner would prefer to sit and relax or have a bath hisself or go to the cinema, football and overtime...if he's home we eat but only if Ive prepared it and sometime so can't be bothered, sometimes I'm not hungry enough to warrant cooking and I'm too tired. Sometimes I'd like to be fucking cooked for instead! Sometimes I'd like to go to the cinema and to work and to come home to a spotless house with dinner on the table but yet again I'm probably being bloody unreasonable!

No wonder sexism is still going strong when there are seemingly so many women undervaluing themselves and their contributions to the family unit. If those of you who don't consider being a SAHP work, are you just sitting on your arse all day watching Jeremy Kyle? No? Didn't think so.

And please. Enough with the 'all babies are easy' bullshit. It's just not true.

And the 'well I have it even harder, so you should just be grateful and put up with shitty stuff cos it could be worse.' attitude too. That attitude is no different than saying we shouldn't complain about being underpaid because of our gender and just be grateful we can even vote, because in other countries women can't!

Eugh!

Wow the thread is still going and now the DH has made fajitas! So it sounds like he's not refusing point blank to participate in cooking. The OP will just need to make it clear this is what she wants on a regular basis.

If I'm absolutely honest, I do have the kind of DH who expects me to make dinner because I'm at home (and possibly "woman") To be fair he goes not come in before 8, we mainly eat out at weekends and he is also often away with work, which is why I make the effort when he is here. I have survived this (even without a slow cooker ), because he contributes in his way as I do in another. We don't always need to be busy at the same time either. Obviously I would not cook for him or do anything else if he sat on his arse all day. But I admit, it would be lovely if he made fajitas!

Fajitas are a great entry level dish for the reluctant cook Mojito. Why don't you ask him, you never know he may even enjoy it and insist on cooking them every week!

Ha Bunty - well I guess stranger things have happened thanks to MN!

There is nothing similar about the biannual task of getting a car serviced (plus maybe two repairs a year?) and the day-in, day-bloody-out task of choosing, planning, shopping and preparing food for a family.

In our house we tend to do a meal plan together but sometimes I leave it to dp. But then I can't complain when he suggests things that are a pain to cook
He usually does the shopping although now we don't have a car we do it online. I cook everyday except for weekends but sometimes I'll cook then too because I enjoy it and can make something more complex while he keeps dd entertained. This week he has been working late a lot so I've ended up cooking, doing pots and putting dd to bath and bed. It's getting on my nerves now but he's working late not down the pub so we have to make it work.

If those of you who don't consider being a SAHP work, are you just sitting on your arse all day watching Jeremy Kyle? No? Didn't think so.

Of course not. But I could do if I wanted to. And I wouldn't be answerable to anyone for doing so (except if I failed to collect small children from school, obviously!). I think that's the difference, actually - the autonomy you have when you're at home.

I didn't feel that I had any autonomy when I was on maternity leave. I was totally dictated to by small babies. I have much more autonomy with my job e.g. I can have a break or cup of tea when I want without anyone crying or demanding my attention.

Marynary. That's interesting - totally different perspective. Although obviously I had to care for a baby, I was in effect, completely in charge of my day. I didn't have to get dressed, go on a train, be at a certain meeting at a certain time etc etc. I still love that now. Mind you, I used to work in the City, so always had grown men whinging and demanding my attention, so small children didn't seem that different. (I did get to go to the loo on my own though....)

NataliaOsipova Obviously it depends on the type of job you have, and perhaps your seniority in that job, but it can't be assumed that those who work have less autonomy than SAHP.

I can have a break or cup of tea when I want without anyone crying or demanding my attention. - You obviously don't work in the sort of environment that I do - I can't even have a quick coffee without mindless interruptions - no chance of taking my (unpaid) lunch hour.

Obviously these sorts of comparisons are meaningless as all have different jobs and different babies - my SAHM years were total luxury, I had an incredibly 'easy' baby - slept 7pm - 7am, two long naps a day and could easily be left in a play pen. Fannying about preparing an evening meal was the most 'work' I did in a day which was mostly meeting friends for coffee, going to the gym or swimming pool (creche provided), doing voluntary work of my choice, going for a walk with DS in a pram or lying on the sofa with a book . Perhaps flicking the odd duster round or shoving a load of washing the machine (20 minutes a day?)

But, as been said a million times on this thread - we are all different. .

Ragwort Well that was really my point. As well as having different jobs and babies we also have different ideas of what is easy and/or enjoyable.

My first maternity leave was one of the most miserable four months of my life, and I speak as someone who's had clinical depression. Just awful. Cooking DP's tea every night would have added further awfulness.

That sounds amazing ragwort!

Polar opposite of my baby though. Fights sleep every step of the way, screams when I step away for a moment, wakes up as soon as I put her down etc. Any spare moment I do get is spent expressing so she can still have my milk (will not latch anymore).

A cup of tea is a luxury and cooking, let alone eating, a meal is a pipe dream.

I'm extremely lucky to have a hubby who recognises how challenging she is and is happy to cook, clean etc.

I've just had an hour of screaming from her because she was tired but didn't want to sleep. But equally, play, quiet time, cuddles etc would also result in screaming. I just had to endure it, rocking her until she finally settled, but now I can't bloody move.

Cook fucking dinner? I wish! I have FAR more autonomy at work.