I don't think I should cook every night

[LurkyLurkerMcLurkface]

I'm on maternity leave at the moment with 8 month DS. DH works full time and is out of the house 8am-6pm. Our evening routine is pretty set, he gets in and takes DS, I get food ready for DS. He'll then sit with DS while he eats. He then does books/bath and I do final feed and settle. I then come down and cook
Every. Fucking. Night
Last night I'd had enough and cooked for myself and left him to it. He's been sulking since.
AIBU to think this should be a shared job?

While he is upstairs doing bath and story you start the cooking and tidying. He then takes over while you are doing milk and food.

After dinner no one sits down until all tidying / cleaning / child settling needed for the night is finished. (An excellent rule I implemented when Dd was taking 2 hours to settle at night and I'd finally get downstairs to find "d"h watching the TV and the dinner plates all over the kitchen.)

Me neither bibbity

It boggles my mind how some on mn harp on about how hard being a sahp, dont cook or clean because they have a child to hold all day yet they have so much spare time to spend on here hmm

so agree i once was on a thread where the op couldnt do housework because she had a babySN aside i can imagine a baby that cant be put down/bouncer etc has had mum or dad constantly picking up /running to their every need and thats why some cant be left

awaits a flaming

I think you probably should make dinner if you are home all day unless you are really struggling with your lo. But I would make it earlier and reheat. Also, just an easy meal. Chicken in the over with some steamed veg, tomato, mozarella and avocado salad, breaded fish with a baked potato etc Lots of meals only take a few minutes prep even if they are longer cooking.
That said, I do wish my dh cooked more. It just would feel more us together, like if he chose to do something that was for me, in order to make my life more enjoyable. Surely if you just do an easy meal once or twice a week then it can't be make of a drudge and you might think it would make him feel good. But no, I reckon my 'd'h has cooked for me about 4 times since my dd was born 5 years ago. It makes me feel shit to realise this. Any those meals were crap no effort ones.

He's parenting his child. Not "helping" or "giving the OP a break.

It's a break from what she's been doing all day. I don't see the issue with the wording just because it's his child.

I don't see why you'd want him to cook rather than bond with your child. Or do you want to sit and read a mag with a brew whilst he does bath and then cooks?
Life's hard , wake up

Sandy

Well, I do, so let's agree to disagree.

With some of the views on this thread (not the OP), it's no suprise that so many men don't want to get married and have kids.

Marriage is a partnership. Not about drawing up a rota and doing a straight 50/50 split. You give and take and support each other in different areas.

OP would you bath the baby and get him in bed whilst your DH does the dinner?

So when would dad get chance to bond with the baby? Would the OP then start a thread saying DH comes home from work and spends no time with his child?

* By the way i know that isnt what you are saying navy*

No, tiredqueen87. She wants him to cook or at least start cooking while she is upstairs doing the last feed and settling baby in bed. Read the op, the words are actually there in front of you.

bibbity why so patronising? Tired has not being rude to you.

The OP has posted a number of times and some only skim the OPs posts on busy threads.

Acvording to some on hete that is exactly what he should do navy. Or maybe he should just cook for himself cos ya know the OP is an adult and was able to cook her own meals before he came along. Or would he then be called a twat

Batch cooking, quick and easy meals (omelette and salad etc), more and better communication. I don't think the issue is who has had a harder day- you've both had hard days and comparisons will just annoy you and not help. Being the parent of a small child can be exhausting, whether you are a SAHP or out at work- that's true throughout the world and throughout history. So cut yourself and your husband some slack- it's supposed to be tiring What counts is getting through these tiring times with your sanity intact and without killing each other.

Bibbity sit down thread police. Just a comment likes everyone else's. Either way she's doing something is my point. DP has spent all day away from his child. He should be doing the evening routine, what time would they have together if not?

I think you are being unreasonable. I was at home with dd until she was one then worked mornings. I usually cooked unless I'd been out late with her somewhere. DP would do the washing up. Lately I've ended up doing the washing up too which is annoying but it means we can both sit down together and have something of an evening. I like him to give her a bath as he is spending time with her. And of course looking after your baby is your job but if you are at home and he is at work then commuting home it isn't fair for him to not have food to come home to. Tbh I think you'd be better making a meal for all of you or like other posters have said do some batch cooking. He should be cooking at weekends though to make up for it. It should be teamwork to make the house run as smoothly as possible.

In an ideal world. My DH often didn't see the dc awake from Sunday night unto Saturday morning. DS used to stay up to see daddy
. Not that he needed much keep.

Yes, that sounds fair to me too Navy&White.

And he cooks at least once at the weekend. Job done.

I don't think who's had the hardest day should come into it either. She just doesn't want to cook 7 days a week. Entirely reasonable. It really is simple.

it's obviously not working for you the way it stands so take baby steps.
an example below:

Monday - ready meal
Tuesday - you cook
Wednesday - pick the fridge night - get some ham/naice cheese/ picky bits help yourselves/ dump on table and pick - can be topped up with ready made/batch made soup
Thursday- he cooks
Friday - takeaway/ ready meal
so you effectively turn on oven x2 per week to shove in a ready meal - not exactly a hardship for either party
you both individually cook 1 x night
you are both in kitchen and put soup on hob/ bits on table
weekends you might find you do batch cooking but all a bit less hassle than you doing EVERY night.

You're lucky
When my DD was that age, he didn't do anything at all after work.
I used to cook every night and got fed up sometimes too.

I have a lovely easy baby, and dh would happily make dinner after work if I had a busy day with baby. I try to cook if I can, but my main priority is keeping baby fed, entertained and cleaning his bum. Some days are easier than others.

You are on maternity leave to care for a small child. Your daytime job is to stimulate and care for your baby. Domestic chores are to be split between you and your partner if needed. Really sad at the amount of posters who think maternity leave = domestic slave.

It must be really tiring having to come up with lots of dairy free variations of food and must really limit your ability to grab a ready meal. No solution, other than while you reeducate your other half, can you tell him what needs making for dinner when he walks in while you do evening routine with baby? For a dairy free batch cook meals that your dh can make, how about Thai green curry? Vegetable tagine? Shepherd's pie made with soya margarine in the mash?

Good luck.

She just doesn't want to cook 7 days a week. Entirely reasonable

...but presumably the DH in question doesn't have the option to decide that he just doesn't want to commute 5 days a week, does he?