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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit upset by what I've just seen?

126 replies

BitchQueen90 · 28/09/2016 14:37

Just popped to Tesco on my break to grab something for dinner tonight. I was stood in the veg aisle next to a couple with their DS who looked about 4 in the trolley. Their DS was having a bit of a moan and I heard the mother say to him "I will leave you here if you don't shut up." I thought this was a bit harsh but I understand sometimes we get frustrated with young DC and say things without thinking. The boy didn't "shut up" though, so the parents went round to another aisle so they were hidden from view from him. Obviously the boy thought he had been left and started to cry, while the parents stood there watching him and giggling.

When they saw me glaring at them they went back round to him. I know it's not my business to get involved but AIBU? I thought it was shocking behaviour to be honest and I wouldn't do that to my DS no matter how frustrated I was.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 28/09/2016 19:52

I did it once to my daughter.

When I went to go get her (she had a huge strop on the pavement) she told me off for getting her and said she was enjoying the peace from me.

I only did it once. Not great but she clearly didn't care.

alafolie29 · 28/09/2016 19:59

I absolutely hate this sort of thing. I'm sure people don't realise and some do it with the best intentions but it can be incredibly damaging to a child. They don't necessarily know you're coming back, that you're not really ringing the children's home etc. To me it is emotional abuse. Like I said, I think some people who do it don't think it through but it is the tactic of a lot of awful bullying parents.

Cel982 · 28/09/2016 20:03

YANBU, OP, it's a horrible thing to do. I'm really surprised so many people here would be ok with it. Stuff like that sticks with a kid, and four is very young.

JammyDodger16 · 28/09/2016 20:04

Definitely awful, how nasty to intentionally scare him, make him think the people he relies upon for everything are going to leave him to fend for himself. Unsure how that would work as a strategy, no benefit from it as far as I can see. Don't get me wrong, on occasion I have threatened to leave dd but I do realise it's very cruel and aim to never do it again. It's not ok, hopefully they see that,

A lot of people disagree but I think it's so nasty and can have a huge impact on children

TowerRavenSeven · 28/09/2016 20:08

Yanbu. I never did that to ds, because I don't threaten unless I'm prepared to follow through.

As an aside I read an article about a child abducted while the grandparents threatened to 'leave a child there'. I'm not sure how far ahead they were but the child was abducted.

RortyCrankle · 28/09/2016 21:42

I recall reading that Richard Branson was left at a very young age on one occasion to find his own way home. It was suggested this helped make him into such a successful businessman. I have my doubts to be honest.

WickedLazy · 28/09/2016 21:50

When I was about 12, and sis about 8, we locked our dad out of the car. For a good 15 minutes (he'd gotten out of car to put rubbish in the bin from our pitstop/picnic). We were still crying with laughter when we finally let him in. His face was like thunder, he ordered both of us out and drove off Shock Drove up the road a bit then came back. We never locked him out of the car again. It's the giggling at a distressed child I find odd. Bit sadistic.

JulietteL · 28/09/2016 23:45

My parents kicked my brothers out of the car in the middle of France when they wouldn't shut up and drove just out of sight. They (and I) found it hillarious!!

IMissGrannyW · 29/09/2016 00:06

Agree the laughing is horrid, but also feel strongly that if parents make a threat, they should be prepared to carry it out, and think they're only storing up trouble for themselves if all they do is make threats but don't action them. So I'm a bit on their side for doing what they said they would do. Ultimately it means the child can trust and believe in them, and I think that's very important.

GoMeGoYou · 29/09/2016 00:09

YANBU - it's one thing to threaten it in a teasing sort of way but to make a little kid genuinely think they have been abandoned and then find that funny is weird and cruel. I don't think its the end of the world but it's pretty crappy.

Teasing kids about leaving them or trading them in for a puppy is different. I'm not sure I was actually joking about the puppy 🤔🐶

Benedikte2 · 29/09/2016 00:51

Another issue is the danger of walking away and leaving a child in a trolley. If the child panicked and tried to get out in a hurry he could fall and injure himself. I have heard of children being brain injured in falls from trolleys onto concrete floors.

dybil · 29/09/2016 01:06

I find it really hard to care about either, but am slightly amazed that the consensus in this thread is that the parents' practical joke of pretending to abandon their distressed son is okay, but in another thread last week the majority were outraged at the charity shop worker who joked about the price of two books!

AGBforever · 29/09/2016 01:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AppleMagic · 29/09/2016 01:17

I do the pretending to walk off when my DC have a walking strike on the way home from school. I suppose it's slightly different when they are stuck in a trolley and can't actually follow though.

AGBforever · 29/09/2016 01:21

Sorry, before anyone reports my post as being unnecessarily rude - I apologise and have reported my own post. Sorry Blush

WiddlinDiddlin · 29/09/2016 03:00

My mother actually drove off and left me in an Asda some 15 miles from home.

I was 9.

It was the 80s though so no one gave a flying fuck and a man shouted at me when I asked if he had 10p for the phone (though quite why I thought ringing home would help as she wouldn't have got home by then and when she had. well she knew where I was, my Dad wouldn't have been home for hours!).

She (obviously) did come back but she was gone a good half an hour.

For anyone thinking I am about to say 'never did me any harm' .... I'm not, it did and she did a lot of pretty horrible stuff and it's left me to this day, being super fast to panic if I can't find someone I am out with or someone doesn't turn up when they say they will.

She's dead now anyway so you know.. what goes around n all that!

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/09/2016 06:43

widdlin. I have abandonment issues too and issues about people not turning up on time. Mine stems from childhood although my mother never dumped me anywhere like that. More withdrawal of affection and emotional bullying.

When my dd was about 5/6, she got hysterical when I went inside the house without her and shut the front door. She wouldn't get out of the car because she was in a strop. She thought she was shut out and started crying hysterically. I had told her to come in when she was ready and was actually watching from the living room window so she was quickly rescued. That's how scary the world can be to a little kid.

How could parents actually drive off and abandon a child???

imwithspud · 29/09/2016 07:28

Shock at some parents driving off and actually leaving their kids behind. Not only is it cruel but anything could have happened.

flippinada · 29/09/2016 08:20

Yes that's true spud. Remember that awful case in Japan recently, with the little boy whose parents put him out the car and drove off?

It was only by a complete miracle that he survived.

SuperBoppy · 29/09/2016 10:55

An Ex of mine was told by his DM that she would take him to the police station and leave him there. His father was in the forces and away a lot and I'm not sure she could cope very well with him. Only child btw.

She would make him pack a bag, put on his coat, and walk him down the road until he was hysterical and begged to go home. Horrible woman, he will never have a healthy relationship because of the EA that woman put him through. She would ask him if he wanted her to have a heart attack every time he wanted to do something she didn't agree with. Utter utter bitch.

BathshebaDarkstone · 29/09/2016 11:02

I do this with all my DC (not the hiding and giggling bit). DS1 used to still be having his tantrum 10 minutes later, I could have walked home and he wouldn't have noticed. He was later diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, and I think the stopping dead and tantrums were caused by tiredness, in hindsight.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2016 11:44

It is hard, and yes you are being very judgy, this is one snapshot, she did not hit or swear at him. I have have done that with tantruming dc, when they have done the dead body trick in the park, said ok then, I am going, they swiftly followed.

flippinada · 29/09/2016 11:48

I think OP said what bothered her most was the giggling at their sons distress, not the pretend hiding (which tbh probably most of us have done at some point).

minipie · 29/09/2016 11:50

I think the thing that bothers me is the giggling.

It's one thing to use a form of discipline when you're at the end of your tether and it's the only thing you can think of that might work.

It's another thing to find it funny that your child is crying. That's not nice.

minipie · 29/09/2016 11:51

cross posted flippin