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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit upset by what I've just seen?

126 replies

BitchQueen90 · 28/09/2016 14:37

Just popped to Tesco on my break to grab something for dinner tonight. I was stood in the veg aisle next to a couple with their DS who looked about 4 in the trolley. Their DS was having a bit of a moan and I heard the mother say to him "I will leave you here if you don't shut up." I thought this was a bit harsh but I understand sometimes we get frustrated with young DC and say things without thinking. The boy didn't "shut up" though, so the parents went round to another aisle so they were hidden from view from him. Obviously the boy thought he had been left and started to cry, while the parents stood there watching him and giggling.

When they saw me glaring at them they went back round to him. I know it's not my business to get involved but AIBU? I thought it was shocking behaviour to be honest and I wouldn't do that to my DS no matter how frustrated I was.

OP posts:
Omgkitties · 28/09/2016 16:36

Boyfriend & sibling didn't stop so they got kicked out of the car & left at the side of the road

My dad did that to my younger brother once when he was being an arsehole! He was about 4/5 at the time. 😂

DollyBarton · 28/09/2016 16:40

What they should have done was gently ask him if he was okay and what could they do to make him feel better. That would have helped him feel a connection to his parents and led to better behaviour.

What they did was despicable.

(I'm only joking. I do similar on occasions when they are truly awful).

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 28/09/2016 16:48

I pride myself on an excellent sense of humor, but. I fail to see the funny side of a child being frightened. Imagine. How daunting that must have been. Being in a large supermarket and you turn around and can't see your parents.

flippinada · 28/09/2016 16:48

Exactly Onenerf. I think we've probably all done the pretending to leave them (while actually keeping them in sight) when completely exasperated which is probably not the best parenting but understandable.

Laughing at a distressed child is just plain nasty though, and nothing like family who play daft jokes on each other.

IamaButtercup · 28/09/2016 16:50

horrible thing to do to a child. small children tend to internalise that kind of thing and take it seriously. it could lead to a fear of abandonment. as a kid I was always afraid of being left places. I cannot recall a specific incident where I was told the same thing as the kid in the OP but sadly, with my dad being emotionally abusive and unpredictable, it wouldn't surprise me if I had been. I think that fear must have come from somewhere. not just worry but frantic panic....:( some parents act like dicks

Ausernotanumber · 28/09/2016 16:50

When DS was about 16 he ran into Asda for something I can't remember what now. I waited in the car.

I moved the car.

His face was a picture when he came out and couldn't see me 2 rows over. I was pissing myself laughing.

Bad mother, clearly.

dotdotdotmustdash · 28/09/2016 16:56

My DH said that to my Ds when he 9 (just before he was diagnosed with ASD). My Ds was engrossed in reading a book and my DH went to the next aisle. When my Ds looked up he couldn't see his Dad and he went to the front of the store and thought he saw our car leaving, even though it was a dark evening. He became very upset and a 'lady' stopped and asked him what was wrong. He told her that he had been left behind so she put him in our car and drove away with him. He managed to direct her to our house, but there was nobody home so he directed her to my DM's house. My DM opened the door and the woman shouted at her about lousy parents who abandoned their children in supermarkets!

My DH and the staff spent 40 minutes searching the store and were about to call the police when my DM phoned him to tell him that Ds was with her. What a monumentally stupid woman!

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 28/09/2016 16:57

My parents would tell me they didn't want to be my parents any more and would pretend to phone children's homes. I'd be sent upstairs to pack.

I'd also be told they wished they'd never had me.

My parent's house never felt like my home as a result. Felt like I was there as a favour. Left at 17. No emotional attachment to the house or my home town.

Paintedhandprints · 28/09/2016 16:57

My ds just runs off if I try this pretending to leave technique. Clearly not fussed if I'm around. Grin

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 28/09/2016 17:04

dot dot I can't see what that woman did wrong. She sounds lovely. Your boy was upset and she looked after him.

I wouldn't leave an abandoned child, but I'd take him to the police station.

AnythingMcAnythingface · 28/09/2016 17:14

YABU. Keep out of it, don't impose your values on others.

(Also, I would hope I'd never do this, but that doesn't give me the inclination to go judgey ninja on total strangers and their snapshot of life in the supermarket.)

Lilacpink40 · 28/09/2016 17:16

dotdot yes the woman should have taken your DS to a staff member, but ultimately the problem started with a family member abandoning him. I feel sad for your DS, what a horrible memory for him to have.

I've said I'll go to my DCs if they aren't walking with me, but they're older and I just walk slowly and watch out. I couldn't laugh if DCs cry I'd explain that they needed to keep up and hold their hands.

MammouthTask · 28/09/2016 17:17

Actually, I think that woman was wrong dotdot.
Talking to your ds was the right thing to do. But the next step was to go back in the shop, let them do a call out in the shop and/or ring the Police.
Taking a child you don't know in your car is never a good idea. Not for the child and for you either.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/09/2016 17:17

Poor kid. He may get abandonment issues. Standing and laughing at your distressed child is despicable. This is nasty, childish behaviour.

MammouthTask · 28/09/2016 17:22

I'm careful with thr 'abandonning' a child. It's very easy to think,that your 9yo is behind you following when they aren't.

I remeber as a child loosing my mum. I was convinced she had gone inside the (very big for me) supermarket so I went and ask for some help at the help desk. My mum hadn't gone inside, she hadn't abandoned me. If anything it's me who had gone a completely different way leaving my mum anxiously looking for me where I was supposed to be.
I was about 7yo? at the time.

I think what dotdot is talking about is very different than someone hiding on purpose and giggling about the child being upset.

And different again than saying to a child 'ok I'm leaving now. You come with me' and starting to go one way hoping that seeing you aren't changing your mind, they will follow. The big difference of course being that the child can still see you and you aren't there to try and catch him/punish him by frightening him to death.

MammouthTask · 28/09/2016 17:24

Happy on the grand scale of thng, I actually think that that sort of behaviour is on par with smacking or even worse TBH.
In both cases, the idea is to frighten the child and force them into behaving.

SatsukiKusakabe · 28/09/2016 17:25

The woman was silly putting him in her car rather than the service desk, but your dh doesn't come out of it sounding like a genius either dotdot

SuperFlyHigh · 28/09/2016 17:30

it depends - when I was 4/5 my parents got divorced and my dad left the family home.

my stepdad entered my life when i think I was 5/6. I was the crying child at playgroup/school gate etc...

my stepdad used to wind me up when we'd all gone out as a family, mum had left the car and he and my brother were there and locked me in a room once too... basically telling me "your mum has gone away and won't ever come back".

In my confused child state with my real dad having left I really did believe my mum wasn't coming back. I'm sure this has carried on to some extent in adult life too.

So YANBU

Happyhippy45 · 28/09/2016 17:38

mammouth
Shouting at your kid all the time to get them to behave should not be the norm. It's very unpleasant. Though everyone yells at their kids sometimes. Not everyone smacks them though. If a kid is being smacked in a supermarket I'd say that's a fair indication that it's not just a one off and they get hit whenever they step out of line.

Helloitsme90 · 28/09/2016 17:51

Oh for gods sake. I bet he shut up in the end. At least there were trying some form of discipline and it was clearly obvious they were still watching him

Original poster
BitchQueen90 · 28/09/2016 18:04

Interesting replies. Actually the bit that made me uncomfortable was them laughing at him crying, not the threatening to leave. Of course I didn't think they were actually going to leave him there and walk out.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 28/09/2016 18:06

they where all ghosts

Thinkingblonde · 28/09/2016 18:29

I saw a couple drag their little boy out of their car in a supermarket car park and drive off, leaving him bewildered and terrified, he was about 5 or 6. He was hysterical. I approached him and said something like 'Hello there, they'll be back soon', I waited with ,thinking they'll be back in a minute.

After ten minutes I asked a passer by to bring the security guard out to me, I didn't dare move the boy in case his parents came back to find him gone. The security guard came out and after hearing what had happened he took the little lad into the shop, I went with them....didn't have any choice, the kid wouldn't let go of my hand. The police were called, they arrived at the same time as the parents did. The parents came in saying their child had run off and they'd driven off to find...I knew different and it was all on cctv. I think SS were involved as the police gave them a caution.

CuddlesAndCupcakes · 28/09/2016 18:52

YANBU - I agree with what you've said, I don't see the funny side in what they did...

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown · 28/09/2016 19:45

Oh my gosh thinkingblonde that poor, poor little boy ShockShockShock thank goodness you were there - anybody could have taken him away.
Really hope his parents are doing a better job now (maybe hoping against reality Sad)