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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be upset that dp did nothing for my birthday?

27 replies

PeppasNanna · 27/09/2016 18:32

I must start off by saying EVERYONE knows I think birthdays are important.
I go to alot of effort to plan dp & my dcs birthdays.

Dp was, by coincidence on a rest day today. He slept through our 2 yr old roaring her head off this morning. So I got no lay in. He still hadnt got up when I went out at 9am. I got all the dc ready for school as usual.

I did a few errends this morning.
Presumed dp would have made some plans for lunch today... nothing.

I'm really offended. I actually cried earlier as i feel so unappreciated.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ConvincingLiar · 27/09/2016 18:34

Yanbu for being upset, but don't be a bloody martyr about it. I'd wake him up and say "it's my birthday, can you sort dc out please". Then "shall we go somewhere nice for lunch?".

manyathingyouknow · 27/09/2016 18:36

YANBU and I feel slightly differently from convincing I'd wait to see if he mentions it.

Ebb · 27/09/2016 18:36

So no card or present? That's pretty shitty. Maybe he's planning on surprising you tonight? Clutching at straws! Happy birthday by the way! Flowers

ferriswheel · 27/09/2016 18:38

Happy Birthday!

My h has form for that. I have recently filed for divorce.

Original poster
PeppasNanna · 27/09/2016 18:51

I adked him if he'd booked anywhere, he said no, so i said lets just go to the local. But he didnt want to as has a cold...Hmm

I probably ABU & should have organised my own birthday

OP posts:
KathArtic · 27/09/2016 18:54

You place great importance on birthdays.....not every one does though.

PJBanana · 27/09/2016 18:59

What a weird thing to say, KathArtic.

Fair enough people view birthdays differently but surely you can expect at least a 'happy birthday' from your DP Confused

YANBU at all OP. I would be very hurt.

I'd be expecting him to make it up to you once he feels better! Has he even got you a card??

Avonandice · 27/09/2016 19:00

Come and go out with me - the only person who bothered this year was my mother. Havent even heard from my dad - but think thats more to do with the second wife, i tolerate her and she cant stand me - usually get a phone call but nothing this year. Didnt even get any happy birthday messages on facebook from anyone i know.

Hate it but as it happens most years ive got used to it.

Anyway Happy Birthday to you

OhhBetty · 27/09/2016 19:07

Happy birthday! CakeFlowersWine

Your partner sounds shit. Is he one of those "all about me" types? As saying he has a cold and therefore doesn't want to go out to lunch is just poor. I'm never bothered about loads of gifts, just that I've been thought about and he has put no thought into today whatsoever. He needs to shape up!

ConvincingLiar · 27/09/2016 19:09

Having a cold is bollocks. He's had plenty of notice presumably. If he was properly ill he could always say he's booked/planned X but would you mind postponing to the weekend when he's in better shape.

Lalunya85 · 27/09/2016 19:12

Flowers Cake whatever you decide to do regarding your husband, I say take the Saturday off and do something purely for yourself, whatever that may be.

I'd be so upset and angry if my dh did this.
.

CarolineSecretan · 27/09/2016 20:28

Happy birthday!!!

Yanbu. Id feel the same if it were me so I'd definitely say something to him. I think you should treat yourself at the weekend!!

Original poster
PeppasNanna · 27/09/2016 20:32

Thankyou for the birthday wishes!
Lalunya85 dp will be back on shift from Thursday. He only gets one weekend a month off.

I totally appreciate that its just my perception that birthdays are important but dp is pretty crap day to day so i hoped he'd put some effort in for my birthday.

I did get cards & chocolates from the dc.
Dp got me some Clinique products...
I will say no more!!Confused

OP posts:
gertyglossop · 27/09/2016 20:33

I would also be really hurt by this. YANBU

daisypond · 27/09/2016 20:42

But he got you some (very nice) presents. I'd be over the moon if mine did that! And did he arrange the cards and chocs from the DC? I wouldn't expect my DH to arrange something, like going out somewhere, for my birthday.

Onlyonce · 27/09/2016 20:44

Happy birthday.

I know it hurts. I've had the last two birthdays in a row without anything.

I even cooked his favourite meal and made a cake. He just moaned about the cake. I've made him a cake every year. He has never bought or made me one.

Tell him you are hurt, but try to do it without it turning into a row. Hopefully he will get the message

BackforGood · 27/09/2016 20:53

So he did get you some presents?
Did he help the dc (not sure how old they are) ?

So he's not forgotten or ignored it.

If you want to go out for your birthday, then arrange it. That's what adults do, on the whole.

HermioneJeanGranger · 27/09/2016 20:56

So he did do something? Confused

Original poster
PeppasNanna · 27/09/2016 21:02

No the dc bought the chocolates.

Maybe i expected too much such as a lay on my birthday or going for some lunch.

I can't go out at the weekend due to dps shifts. Its not about going out. Its about abit of consideration. A rest. Some thought. Some care...

OP posts:
TathitiPete · 27/09/2016 21:06

Dp got me some Clinique products...
I will say no more

Eh, maybe do say a bit more. Why are the Clinique products an issue? Do you have an allergy or some other aversion that he knows of? Are they hotel toiletries that he just chucked in his suitcase rather than making the effort to buy you something?

Original poster
PeppasNanna · 27/09/2016 21:11

I have psoriasis on my face, arms, back.
He knows i can't use any makeup/perfumed products

OP posts:
seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom · 27/09/2016 21:14

If you want to go out for your birthday, then arrange it. That's what adults do, on the whole.

Yes with friends and family maybe. But I do think it demonstrates care, consideration, love from a DP - especially one who knows that birthdays are important to you - to make some effort on the day. Even if it's just asking "would you like to go out for lunch?".

Op you have my sympathies. I had a significant birthday this year. My DH didn't get me a single thing. Not a card, box of chocs, bunch of flowers from the DC. Nothing. We did celebrate, but I organised the whole thing. It's gutting if birthdays are important to you.

p0ppers · 27/09/2016 21:20

Happy Birthday OP!

Yanbu. Birthdays are important to me too. Every birthday in our household requires a big song and dance, including mine. I would be very upset if I were you. Your DP sounds like a moron, sorry.

Be sure to remember this when his birthday comes round Wink

TathitiPete · 27/09/2016 21:21

Oh, sorry to hear that Pep Yeah that's a bit shit of him then. And not wanting to bother with lunch coz he has a cold? It's crap when someone who you would expect care about you leaves you feeling like any little tiny thing is too much effort for them.

Flowers Wine
And Cake happy birthday.

Only1scoop · 27/09/2016 21:24

Shite effort Op
Yanbu