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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird one. Should I be narked at this lady for swiping a collection at school and using for another purpose?

254 replies

iJoan · 27/09/2016 12:38

Can I preface the post (NC so as not to get me in too much hot water) by saying I have had a pretty shit couple of months so may be a bit whiney and sensitive Blush

A friend of my DD's at school got the devastating news that she was DX with a life threatening illness. She's been off school for the last couple of weeks. The family are very sweet and do a lot for others (including me)in the school. I thought it would be a nice gesture to do a collection so we could buy the girl some specific things to keep her occupied in hospital- The budget was £80 and the amount was reached very quickly and folks were very generous.

Unbeknownst to me another girl in another class had to have a routine operation last week which would require her being off school for a couple of weeks.

A lady who is senior in the PTA (who I do not know well) asked for the collection money which was being held in the school office. She told the admin staff that since the second girl was in the hospital the collection had changed (er no it hadn't)and she was going to organise a gift for her.

She spent all the money on the second girl. Leaving me looking like an idiot.

I approached her about it and got a gob full about treating the girls differently Confused

I already spent the money on a gift for the original child which was very much appreciated. I am now £80 down and look a bit shady and am finding it very hard to bite my lip whilst the PTA lady is thanked for such a lovely idea!

RANT OVER!

OP posts:
Pipkinhartley · 27/09/2016 15:13

Sorry if I've missed this - did the collection envelope have the intended purpose of the collection written on it, i.e: collection for girl 1 to raise funds for items to keep her occupied whilst in hospital ( obviously referring to the intended recipient of the funds). I'm not saying that's necessary, but if so, this should assist you as it sets out pretty clearly what the collection was for.
Personally I wouldn't cc the PTA woman in if you email, you've already raised it with her and the head needs to have some accountability.

totalrecall1 · 27/09/2016 15:16

Just echoing everyone else really. People who have donated for child A have donated for that purpose. I would be really annoyed to find it had been spent elsewhere. Additionally if you allow this woman to get away with this behaviour she will do it again. Speak to the Head

Oldraver · 27/09/2016 15:33

Pipkin OP stated further up that the collection envelope had girl A's name on

2kids2dogsnosense · 27/09/2016 16:32

What would her response have been if you hadn't already spent the cash, and were just going for re-imbursement, but were collecting the cash to buy the gift? And particularly if you were not in a position of fork out 80 quid? Many people aren't - I certainly couldn't!

She would then have taken Girl A's money for a gift for Girl B, and Girl A would have got NOTHING.

CoraPirbright · 27/09/2016 16:59

Utterly appalled at this behaviour. Really shocking. As pp's have said, who the bloody hell does she think she is?? She should be made to step down from the PTA. Good luck with your meeting with the head.

Original poster
iJoan · 27/09/2016 17:14

Positive start although a few things don't add up.
I spoke to the head(unscheduled and very rushed ) but only because the timing was perfect as I was waiting for another DC in his block. Something must've been said before by the support staff last week because he said he hadn't received my email stating all the facts and yet he didn't seemed surprised.

I essentially cut and pasted a long list from many of the posts on this thread (thank you so much) I've asked for the matter to be investigated and I've asked to see the PTA accounts. I told him if it wasn't resolved I would go to the police and had witnesses who would vouch for me (I haven't Confused)
Anyway. He's assured me it will be FULLY investigated and I will be fully reimbursed for my troubles (if he hasn't read my email how can he say that without knowing the facts??) and that he will get back to me ASAP
And he's asked for my absolute discretion in the matter . Hmm.

Not as scary as I thought it would be. There were lots of reassurances and "I'm sure this has been a misunderstanding" etc which have way to "I will investigate thoroughly" when I told him how she responded to my challenging PTA lady's response and asking her for receipts.

Hope it gets sorted quickly and I don't get labelled a trouble maker.

Thanks again. I do feel less seethy now.

OP posts:
IfartInYourGeneralDirection · 27/09/2016 17:19

Cheeky bitch!

Good for you for holding your ground

boo2410 · 27/09/2016 17:29

Glad you spoke to HT. Get that email sent asap. Sounds like he wants it sorted pronto. Hope she gets a reprimand. Will you let us know the outcome?

Original poster
iJoan · 27/09/2016 17:31

Boo
I'll just update if it all goes tits and I need some handholding Grin
If I'm quiet then you know she got a bollocking (crosses fingers) and I got my cash back Blush

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 27/09/2016 17:35

Well done you!

PikachuSayBoo · 27/09/2016 17:38

Hope the HT sorts it out.

PTa lady is a thief.

Stormtreader · 27/09/2016 17:40

Does PTA lady know the other family at all? This has the faint smack about it to me of "Im taking this money to buy my friends daughter a present AND get told how wonderful I am, I dont care about the girl you are talking about at all".

CalmItKermitt · 27/09/2016 17:41

I hope she gets a bollocking!

2kids2dogsnosense · 27/09/2016 17:43

iJoan

^I'll just update if it all goes tits and I need some handholding
If I'm quiet then you know she got a bollocking (crosses fingers) and I got my cash back ^

No, No!

If you win we want the opportunity to seriously gloat, my dear!

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet · 27/09/2016 17:44

Oh, excellent. Whatever happens, I bet he's told the staff not to take what PTA lady says on trust any more.

Head needs to know that your discretion depends on this being dealt with properly, otherwise you'll have to let people who gave to the collection know that their money has been misappropriated.

WomensNet · 27/09/2016 17:45

Hope she gets a bollocking and steps down from PTA. She's an embarrassment to the school. Brazen thief.

3luckystars · 27/09/2016 17:45

Yay! She needs to go.

diddl · 27/09/2016 17:46

I would be putting him straight about "misunderstanding".

PTA woman had ollected no money for the girl named on the envelope!

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 27/09/2016 17:49

Ffs. The number of people who seem to think this isn't straight theft is astounding.

It is theft. It's a crime. Under the theft act. Do not let it lie OP. She needs to be brought to account. How many others has she stolen from to be this brazen?

hesterton · 27/09/2016 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet · 27/09/2016 17:58

But you have promised discretion

Has she? She hasn't said so.

Julia001 · 27/09/2016 17:58

Discretion? he should be taking this matter to the govenors ! what is he trying to hide?

SapphireStrange · 27/09/2016 18:00

I would be putting him straight about "misunderstanding".

So would I! And bollocks to discretion. She needs shaming.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 27/09/2016 18:04

Good on you for speaking to the HT. That was definitely the correct thing to do.

By "discretion" I assume he means "please don't go plastering this all over social media or have a sad face photo, looking at an empty collection pot, in the local paper."

I would hope that involving the Governors forms a part of his "full investigation".

Does the girl who benefitted from the collection have a mum involved with the PTA at all? It's practices like this that put so many parents off joining, which is a shame. I was a PTA member for 8 years at the DSs primary and everyone was lovely & totally above board. At DD's school I don't get involved as it's so cliquey.

boo2410 · 27/09/2016 18:06

Sounds like a plan, although when it all goes your way, as it should, we all want to congratulate you for making a stand and not rolling over and taking it! Wishing you well, you will come out victorious I'm sure.