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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird one. Should I be narked at this lady for swiping a collection at school and using for another purpose?

254 replies

iJoan · 27/09/2016 12:38

Can I preface the post (NC so as not to get me in too much hot water) by saying I have had a pretty shit couple of months so may be a bit whiney and sensitive Blush

A friend of my DD's at school got the devastating news that she was DX with a life threatening illness. She's been off school for the last couple of weeks. The family are very sweet and do a lot for others (including me)in the school. I thought it would be a nice gesture to do a collection so we could buy the girl some specific things to keep her occupied in hospital- The budget was £80 and the amount was reached very quickly and folks were very generous.

Unbeknownst to me another girl in another class had to have a routine operation last week which would require her being off school for a couple of weeks.

A lady who is senior in the PTA (who I do not know well) asked for the collection money which was being held in the school office. She told the admin staff that since the second girl was in the hospital the collection had changed (er no it hadn't)and she was going to organise a gift for her.

She spent all the money on the second girl. Leaving me looking like an idiot.

I approached her about it and got a gob full about treating the girls differently Confused

I already spent the money on a gift for the original child which was very much appreciated. I am now £80 down and look a bit shady and am finding it very hard to bite my lip whilst the PTA lady is thanked for such a lovely idea!

RANT OVER!

OP posts:
alphabook · 27/09/2016 14:16

The point that needs to be made clear to the head is that people donated money for a particular purpose, and it was used for a different purpose without anyone's consent.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/09/2016 14:19

Yes please e mail the head and tell her too. This woman is very underhanded, that collection was meant to be for girl A who had a life threatening condition, and people would have given to reflect this. She should have started a collection for girl B, who was in for a routine op, instead she stole the collection in which people have given in good faith and that is unacceptable.

Julia001 · 27/09/2016 14:21

Everyone seems very afraid of this PTA woman, makes me wonder how many other times that collections have been "misappropriated" . The Govenors and the police should be looking into this !

Witchend · 27/09/2016 14:22

If I'm asked to donate to such a cause the amount I would put in would depend on how well I/my dc knew the family and what it was going on and what the situation was. I would be furious to find it had been given to another person. You have to let people know.

deepdarkwood · 27/09/2016 14:22

Yup, another one saying take it up with the head asap (ex PTA chair speaking) - it is utterly unacceptable that you have been left out of pocket due to someone who wasn't involved in the collection making decisions about it. And utterly unreasonable of PTA women to have moved funds entirely from child A to child B when this was not what it was collected for. Inform the head calmly and clearly of what went on and ask for their suggestions on how to move forward. I would imagine PTA will refund you out of their general pot. I would keep it out of the school gossip circle as much as you can to avoid any embarrassment for either family. School office are officially at fault here as they handed the collection over to the wrong person - but if PTA woman is often picking up donations I can totally see how they would have gone along with it - they will be busy enough!

However, I can sort of see an underlying idea in terms of PTA woman's overall approach - I think it's tricky if schools or PTAs themselves get involved in official fundraisers for individual children except in really exceptional circumstances - who decides child x with a sudden diagnosis is deserving, but child y who has struggled with a condition all their lives is not? That child a who is lovely, and has a highly involved local family gets £100 raised for them, but child b who is a bit of a PITA and has a less involved family/fewer local connections gets £50? BUT this was essentially a private collection - NOT one run by the PTA, so the issue is moot.

Autumnandlovingit · 27/09/2016 14:27

People gave money for the girl you are collecting for. Who is this woman who thinks she is a law unto herself? Speak to school business manager and also the head teacher.

Sammysquiz · 27/09/2016 14:30

I agree with Pipkin - send an email to the HT prior to the meeting. That way you can put the details down in a calm & factual manner, and also gives the HT a chance to think about how they're going to handle it.

IceIceIce · 27/09/2016 14:32

Wtf. No. She's basically taken the money you worked to raise so she doesn't have to bother herself.

Sorry to be blunt but she's done this because she knows you won't call her out.

Do not let this go.

Personally I'd have called her out publicly.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 27/09/2016 14:32

You can't morally let this go.

If I had made a donation to your collection for Girl A I would be very annoyed it had not been spent as intended.

Yes - I may well have also contributed to a present for Girl B, if asked - but I wasn't.

People like Ms PTA piss me off. They behave like this because people let them. They think a dose of high and mighty shitty attitude will send people running.

You should tell the Head and also make clear the matter will be made public if not resolved.

origamiwarrior · 27/09/2016 14:36

I don't know why people are saying PTA woman spent/plans to spend all the money on Girl B. Nowhere does the OP say this, and in fact the OP has clarified:

I haven't communicated this very well.
PTA lady has told everyone it was a joint collection(Including admin staff- she told them the collection had changed to INCLUDE girl B) but neglected to tell me whilst I was spending the £80 I had collected.

And the below

I already asked for the envelope and was told "Oh PTALADY took it to buy the gifts"

So it has become a joint collection, rather than a single collection. PTA lady is in the wrong but it's not the case that she intends to leave Girl A out.

3luckystars · 27/09/2016 14:38

You need to feel fully confident here and speak up. The fact that she laughed in your face says it all.

It sounds like everyone is afraid to take her on, don't you be afraid. Speak up even if your voice is shaking. Stick to the facts and don't back down.

The only thing muddying the water for you here that there are sick children, but the fact is, she helped herself to a collection that YOU made, without consulting you. That is wrong.

boo2410 · 27/09/2016 14:42

I too would be cross if the money I had given was used elsewhere, hope your meeting with the HT goes well OP. As others have said make sure you have everything in chronological order if you can before your meeting, it will help you massively. If you email it to the HT he will have a heads up to what the meeting is about. Good luck.

StVincent · 27/09/2016 14:45

Well origami how about this from the first post? "She spent all the money on the second girl."

origamiwarrior · 27/09/2016 14:47

Ah yes, I missed that, doh! Soz - as you were!

Evil PTA woman bitch!

Bestthingever · 27/09/2016 14:48

I agree email is essential in addition to a face to face meeting as you need to get the facts documented.

SapphireStrange · 27/09/2016 14:49

Everyone seems very afraid of this PTA woman, makes me wonder how many other times that collections have been "misappropriated"

Good point.

I also agree that you should email as well as have a meeting.

storminabuttercup · 27/09/2016 14:50

I'm totally shocked by this! She's stolen from an ill child, I can't see how this could possibly even be a mistake!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 27/09/2016 15:00

Please don't let your British sense of not makin a fuss leave you out of pocket and a thief in a position of power and responsibility. She is a horrible nasty bitch, there is no way she can swing this to make her look like she is right.

Also please update because I am also a nosy baggage Grin

Spice22 · 27/09/2016 15:01

😱 this is not a hard situation at all
1). Understand you are in the right and have a moral obligation to pursue this.
2). Email the HEadteacher and CC bitch-lady. State everything here and how you feel this is fraudulent and deceitful to those who donated. Include what you want to happen - she return the full £80 to you and does a collection of her own
3). Attend the meeting and reiterate what you want to happen
4). Continue to be giving with your time and do not let this deter you from future kind acts.

What a bitch.

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet · 27/09/2016 15:08

How can she possibly tell you off about treating the girls differently if she's spent all the money on one?

Not sure anyone's got a legal case here, surely a collection amongst aquiantances isn't covered by legislation.

Yes, it is. It's covered by the Theft Act, fair and square.

OP, when talking to the Head, emphasise that everyone who gave to the collection intended to give money for girl A, and therefore the school and PTA lady are defrauding each and everyone of those people by taking it for girl B. Hint strongly that you will be making sure that each of them knows. As the staff should never have given the money to PTA lady, you can point out that this will be covered by their insurance, though that may well be dependent on reporting the theft to the police.

3luckystars · 27/09/2016 15:08

Well said spice22.

We are all behind you OP. Good luck!

dustarr73 · 27/09/2016 15:09

I was just coming on to say i bet its not the first time she has stuck her sticky fingers in to somewhere that doesnt belong to her.Good luck wiht the head and if it doesnt go your way.Please go tot eh police,even if they have a chat wiht her.Its very serious.

PoohBearsHole · 27/09/2016 15:11

OP, she did this because she didn't think you'd stand up to her. Therefore she would get away with it.

That's what Queen Bee Bullies do.

Go the HT and knock her squarely off her peg.
Tell one person who is a gobshite likes to talk
voila.

seven201 · 27/09/2016 15:12

Bloody hell. Are you sure pta lady didn't think £160 had been raised and took what she thought was half for child b? Even so though it wasn't collected for her anyway! I hope you get the money back.

Amammi · 27/09/2016 15:13

Have you seen proof of how much was spent in the second child- did the full collection go to that child's gift?

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