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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to snap at this dog walker? Next time I might poke her in the eye.

60 replies

DrawingaLine · 27/09/2016 12:22

There's a woman down the road from me with two Westies. One is okay but the other is really quite aggressive but when the aggressive one gets aggressive she sets the other one off. So, two aggressive dogs really.

I've got a rescue border terrier who's growing in confidence but can be still quite nervous. Every time we pass this woman, her aggressive dog has a go at my dog. When they're far apart it's okay, my dog won't give a shit but when we pass close my dog gets very jumpy.

When her dog has a go at mine, this woman laughs and says 'Oh she doesn't like border terriers'. But I've seen her dog be aggressive to all breeds, not just border terriers Hmm. Plus, I don't actually see what's funny about my dog cowering against walls whilst her dogs bark and snarl without any sorts of correction. Maybe that's just my sense of humour failure though.

Last night we passed in a narrow alley way. When I saw them approaching, I stopped, blocked the path between her dogs and mine and bent down to stroke my dog until they'd gone past. This stupid fucking idiotic woman then stops right next to me and starts talking to my dog whilst her dog is going nuts at the end of it's lead. My dog is really confused, cowering and desperate to get home (we're about 10 meters from the door).

So I said to her 'We're waiting until you've moved on' or something to that effect. To which she said nothing and just carried on talking at my dog.

So I snapped at her 'Can you just walk on please, my dog's terrified'. She did move on but huffed and puffed down the road muttering at what a rude woman I was.

I'm hoping she'll avoid me now she thinks I'm rude!

OP posts:
Original poster
DrawingaLine · 27/09/2016 12:22

Sorry, unnecessarily long post Confused

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 27/09/2016 12:23

Bark and growl back at her

She will avoid you then Grin

mycatstares · 27/09/2016 12:29

Unfortunately some people love animals but are absolutely useless at knowing when an animal is distressed or displaying aggressive behaviour.. sounds like she's one of those people.

I don't think she means harm and is just a bit clueless. Hopefully she'll stop it now you've said something to her though! Might make her think in future before a dog fight starts.

myownprivateidaho · 27/09/2016 12:30

Hmm. I'm not a dog-owner but I think from my observation dogs barking at each other is fairly normal. I don't think she necessarily would have recognised that her dog had been traumatising yours. So it's not unreasonable of you to keep your dog away, but at the same time I think that snapping at her was a bit rude. The talking to your dog was presumably meant to be friendly towards you as a fellow dog-walker. I think you could have expressed the same thing - asking her to move on because your dog was afraid - more gently and politely.

flanjabelle · 27/09/2016 12:32

Idiotic woman. I would be fuming.

DartmoorDoughnut · 27/09/2016 12:34

YWNBU your poor BT Sad mine got attacked by two off lead bloody corgis and then I got told off for swearing - at the dogs not the owners! - in front of MY son Hmm

WaitrosePigeon · 27/09/2016 12:35

You did well. Feel very sorry for your poor dog. Hopefully she will just move on next time!

Sexykitten2005 · 27/09/2016 12:36

Dogs barking at each other is not fairly normal. My dog has never barked at or even approached another dog without my say so. This woman has no control over her dogs if she allows them to lunge to the ends of their leads barking and snarling. So I would say YWNBU to tell her to move away from your and your frightened dog if she couldn't read a cowering dogs body language. Hopefully she will avoid you from now on but if not I would just say my dog is a rescue and I am trying to train him around well behaved dogs how to behave. Your dogs are not well behaved and are threatening to him so when I stop to reassure him please just walk past me unless you can train your dogs to sit nicely.
Dog owners like that give us all a bad name, just because they are on leads doesn't mean they are under control.

Good luck with your rescue boy

DartmoorDoughnut · 27/09/2016 12:36

For clarification mine was on lead and I was carrying my DS

Original poster
DrawingaLine · 27/09/2016 12:38

They weren't barking at each other. Her dog was barking at mine. Mine was pressing herself up against the wall shaking. She wasn't barking.

Thanks Sexy It's a little girl though Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
DrawingaLine · 27/09/2016 12:39

Dartmoor Oh god, how awful for your dog. And what a twatty owner the other one was!

OP posts:
DeadGood · 27/09/2016 12:40

YANBU, I've had similar things happen and it's so frustrating.

I'm not sure that stroking your dog at that moment was the right thing to do though, fearful dogs need strong leadership not soft voices. Keep DDog on a short leash for the walk down the alley, and keep up a swift pace keeping yourself between your dog and hers. That's the best you can do.

DartmoorDoughnut · 27/09/2016 12:42

Thanks drawing he was fine it was just so unfair! Plus I lost the moral high ground by then swearing quite voraciously at the corgi owners Blush

I think your girl would feel better if her picture was on MN Grin

AnUtterIdiot · 27/09/2016 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DartmoorDoughnut · 27/09/2016 12:43

Oh and practising 'watch me' when those westies are around might help, lots of treats every time she looks at you and it'll keep her attention off them and her focused on you not on what they're doing/shouting!

buckyou · 27/09/2016 12:43

I see your point but I think your behaviour could be making the dog more nervous.

Just try and relax a bit. If they are on a lead they are not going to munch your BT. It's probably all show rather than actually being aggressive.

PageStillNotFound404 · 27/09/2016 12:46

YANBU. I have a fearful rescue and the process of raising his confidence has been one step forward, two steps back thanks to numpties exactly like this woman. I've got used to having to be quite assertive at asking/telling people to move their dog away please. I'm never rude, I don't swear or scream at people, but I'm very firm and I don't care if I hurt their feelings or they turn huffy. My dog is my priority and when I'm doing all the right things and ignorant people are allowing their dog(s) to barge into my boy's space and appear completely unable to read his body language that screams "not happy! Scared!" I'm going to put his needs over their feelings.

jojo2916 · 27/09/2016 12:48

That behaviour will definitely make dog more nervous they can feel your tenseness if the dog was on a lead he was not going to attack your dog

MetalMidget · 27/09/2016 12:48

I'm not a dog-owner but I think from my observation dogs barking at each other is fairly normal

Nope, not normal. My dog has never barked at another dog, and on the rare occasions when he's been barked at, the owners have always been massively apologetic and attempted to calm their dog or move it away.

PageStillNotFound404 · 27/09/2016 12:50

I'm not sure that stroking your dog at that moment was the right thing to do though, fearful dogs need strong leadership not soft voices. Keep DDog on a short leash for the walk down the alley, and keep up a swift pace keeping yourself between your dog and hers. That's the best you can do.

Fearful dogs need reassurance too. The technique the OP describes was exactly that recommended to us by an APBC member behavourist who specialises in helping people with fearful and fear-aggressive dogs.

PickAChew · 27/09/2016 12:50

Poke her in the eye with a frozen dog turd.

SoupDragon · 27/09/2016 12:51

Hmm. I'm not a dog-owner but I think from my observation dogs barking at each other is fairly normal.

As a non dog owner, do you also think that a dog cowering up against a wall, terrified, is also fairly normal?

Original poster
DrawingaLine · 27/09/2016 12:51

Thanks for the tips.

I'll try being strong and assertive next time rather than bending down to stroke her. We haven't tried 'Watch Me' yet as a command but that's a great idea.

buckyou They are on a lead but the alley is really narrow (about 1.7m wide) and the other woman doesn't keep her dogs lead tight so when they're straining at the end of their leash, they're actually really close to my dog.

Here she is looking like butter wouldn't melt.

WIBU to snap at this dog walker? Next time I might poke her in the eye.
OP posts:
Original poster
DrawingaLine · 27/09/2016 12:53

X-post with Page

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 27/09/2016 12:53

OP, I think you were more polite than I would have been. I would have told her to get her fucking dogs away from mine as he was terrified.